I'm Back....

[Woolybluecurl]

Hi Everyone,

I was on this site several months ago and since then have been in a psychiatric hospital, been seeing a psychiatrist, had EMDR and ketamine treatments, had weekly therapy sessions and am about to try a new therapist, and have tried five different anti-depressants. I'm still struggling with severe anxiety and depression. I don't have any family locally, have managed to lose my friends, and my husband of 25 years has had it with me. I don't know what to do. I'm so afraid of going through the process of getting on and off these antidepressants.....my psychiatrist is running out of ideas except to keep trying drug combinations and has suggested ECT. I'm so afraid of that. I'm also wondering if I'm an addict.....I've been on a sleeping medication (I don't think I get real sleep.....it just seems to sedate me for several hours) since I was in the hospital (6 months ago) and I've been reading about addiction to prescription medications. My psychiatrist keeps telling me I'm not an addict, and that I have severe depression and my brain doesn't work right. I've been in a 12-step program off and on for many years.....but I haven't been honest about doing the step work. I'm realizing what a horrible, selfish person I've been, and how I've always been a "victim" in the process.....and I don't know what to do to change. Sorry to run on and on about this, but I don't have anyone to talk to outside of my doctors.....thoughts? Suggestions? I used to feel very connected to God, but at the moment feel abandoned, hopeless and helpless.

[gajh]

Welcome back. We are here for you. Have you tried TMS Transcranial Magnet Stimulation yet? That is noninvasive. If you have not tried it yet, I would try that before ECT.

[Woolybluecurl in reply to gajh]

Thank you.....yes, I have tried TMS.....did about half the sessions and then my depression was so bad that I went into the hospital.

[MrsSippySlim]

I struggle with a handful of disorders myself so I understand what you're going through. I had ECT some years back and it didn't work. I've been on a long list of meds since I was 17 and I'm finally taking one that seems to help with clarity but I still battle severe anxiety and depression. I feel like my brain doesn't work right either. It causes a great deal of anxiety for me because my brain is so blank I have nothing to talk about past hi how are you almost like dementia or something. But when you speak of hopelessness I get it I often feel the same way but I'm pretty sure it's our depression talking. I know Allah loves us especially since we're struggling with mental illness. I can't offer any real solutions because I'm searching myself I just want to tell you you are special so don't stop trying.

[Woolybluecurl in reply to MrsSippySlim]

Thank you so much. I'm sorry you're struggling, too. It seems like I can't explain to people how I feel and only people who are experiencing it can understand. My psychiatrist says I have "pseudo dementia," so it is a real thing.....I just don't know what to do about it. It's such a lonely journey, and it helps to know I'm not the only one struggling.

[sunshinefan]

Welcome back. I, too, have a hard time finding things that help my depression. I am doing ECT right now and it is working for me but it is very invasive and not the most enjoyable thing ever. We are here for you. I don't really have any good ideas, I just wanted to say HI and you are not alone.

[Woolybluecurl]

Thank you so much

[ZOO7]

hi there, I have had ptsd after a traumatic birth of my first child. I was on Lexapro for about a year. I do have more anxiety now(14years later than depression) but the things that have really worked for me (not cures) but seem to ease the constant anxiety are: therapy(weekly sessions), nutrition eating welll balanced meals, exercise (although I need to do more)-a few reps with light weights does wonders, listening to audio books/podcasts, cleaning and donating unused items, staying away from the constant news feed on the tv! Listening to webinars. Going to comedy shows/even a local movie theatre. Praying for you. 🙏I take some vitamins but not many fiber gummies, magnesium(occasionally), vitamin c. I get monthly massages and facials too-very relaxing!