Is money more important?

[Kaashi_Reads]

My brother went for bronchoscopy for lung infection just now. He is in ICU.Me and my father were waiting outside. After the procedure we were asked to go and see one by one.

I went first. My little brother was deeply sedated. I felt sad to see him like this. I asked doctor about the reports . He said it will take 2-3 days to complete.

I came out soon and called my mom to tell about my brother's condition.

My father went next. And he took long. When he came back, this were his words, "everything is covered under insurance except 1 test, the doc asked if I can pay for it .I said surely."

I just feel that although my father not be intentionally not empathising. But everytime the first thing that comes out of his mouth is- money.

I expect that the first words should be about my brother. Then he can continue everything he wants. Shouldn't cure for my brother be his priority?

I understand he is the breadwinner at home but he is also the ONLY FATHER at home.

[Arymretep]

Hi are you in the U S A?, where you have to pay for your healthcare, im in the U.K.,we are so lucky ,, we have the NHS and it’s mostly free, im sure your Dad is worried about your brother but he also has to pay for everything so he has to sort the finances, it’s so hard when someone is ill.

[Kaashi_Reads in reply to Arymretep]

No I am not for USA but we have pretty good financial solutions at our country too. So I get so upset when he brings it up" before my brother's wellbeing."On top of it my father is a financial adviser, so maybe money is what goes around his mind all day.

[Dolphin14]

Your dad's response could be the way he's coping with things. Maybe it's easier to talk about the money than it is to talk about how ill his son is.

I would try and let that go. I don't think there's a " right" way for each of us to act under these circumstances

🐬

[Kaashi_Reads in reply to Dolphin14]

That can be true. When I think from that perspective, it actually seems less of a mistake. And it is nice to have someone other than family to tell me something like that. Thankyou i truly appreciate it.🤍

[Javahead]

It's funny how we handle things differently. I think your dad may have felt anxiety at the fact that it would be a disaster if he couldn't pay for it. He may be a "worst case" man. But I'm sure he was upset about your brother.

[mizzou7016]

Sounds like he is concerned about your brother. Medical tests can cost in the 10s of thousands of dollars. He didn't tell them not to do the teat

[ThePrplLady]

Hi! First I want to wish you and your family, especially your brother healing energy! I understand how frustrating it feels to only hear someone discuss the financial side of a situation. I have a dad who is the same way entirely. It has taken me a long time to understand the generational separation between my father and myself. He was raised in the depression so his youth was filled with finances and the lack of funds being the whole of every conversation. I also had to take into consideration that men, especially in the boomer generation were taught from day one to suppress their emotions. To this day my dad rarely says “I love you” to anyone, even me! His typical response is always “Yeah”. Once I understood these two truths about my dad I became less critical of the conversations he starts with and realized that his “yeah” is much like Patrick Swayze’s “Ditto” in Ghost. It makes sense to me know.

I shared this in hopes that maybe you could also apply the concept in your own situation. It will be hard at first, but if you can take into consideration his age and the condition of his youth it might open you up to see that possibly that is one way for him to show his love in these situations. I hope I have helped in some way! May your brother heal quickly and completely! Blessed Be.

[Kaashi_Reads]

Thankyou so much for the wishes. What you said is something I ponder upon and find my father's behaviour reasonable with this perspective.

[hypercat54]

I am a bit confused. You put down the Isle of Man as your 'country'? But this isn't a country and is a self governing small island in the Irish Sea. It is a Crown Dependency of the UK who are responsible for its defence and for representing it abroad. It is not classed as the UK though or Ireland.

Also they have a system there like our NHS which is mainly free. Not sure why it is costing your father so much money to have his son treated?

Can you clarify this please?