Family and money

[mira99]

As I mentioned I lost my Dad in february after 6 months of being ill, my brother lives 2 hours away and visited approx 3 times over that period, I worked 2 hours away and visited every night often all night then back to work, my sister is local and doesn’t work she visited 3/4 times a week. Bearing in mind my dad needed someone there, my nephew who lives local with his wife and kids never visited, my niece who lives an hour away visited every week.

I am sorry it’s confusing but I need to tell someone as I feel I am going mad. So when dad died I dealt with everything all the paperwork the probate paying everything etc. My siblings just stood back my sister suddenly was my best friend when I asked would her son like to rent dads house, I didn’t realise she saw pound signs I saw looking after family anyway everything is happy until probate is finished then oh they don’t want me to deal with anything anymore my brother wants to manage the money and they decide to let my nephew have the house rent free, they will do it up and then buy it apparently, what about dads other grandchildren they are not getting anything, and all decisions taken without me being involved, but my mum is still alive with dementia so she should get rent for her half! I wanted a proper contract to protect both sides but that’s not happening. When I was told, I said here is the key and I want nothing I have all I want which is memories and no guilt which they should have in bucket loads then today my nephew accused me of putting him through a rollercoaster! Am I really the bad person here, bearing in mind at my worse suicidal wise I asked for help from my sister and she said she would take me to drs I said no then she said she was busy and didn’t text for 24 hours this was once she and my brother had made the decision about the house but had yet to tell me. Neither has contacted me since

Now I know they are all blaming me but I don’t truly I don’t think this is me this is greed and selfishness on their behalf not mine oh and neither visits my mum just me.

Am I in the wrong, I was the youngest and closest to my dad so am I seeing it all wrong???

[hypercat54]

I only know about the UK so what country are you in? x

[mira99 in reply to hypercat54]

Uk I don’t mean legally I want the family to gain but done fairly and morally right but I am the bad one for wanting that my dad left his half of the house to us 3 children equally and my mum owns other half it’s not about money at all its is it fair on other grandchildren and why go behind my back as feel as if they purposefully were trying to send me over the edge

[hypercat54 in reply to mira99]

Surely your dad left half his house to his children but with a codicil which prevents this until your mother passes on? That's what normally happens. I presume he made a will?

I know you are not concerned with the legalities but if you are the one who has the probate you can make the decisions so make them fairly. x

[mira99 in reply to hypercat54]

Yes I can complain etc but don’t want that I will just walk away, I really did want them to rent the house etc cheaper obviously and then we invest the rent to do the house up but why would my nephew want the house to increase in value if he is hoping to buy it! He won’t. I am sorry I know it’s confusing and I am sure I am not explaining well but thank you for trying to understand my rant!!!

I will just visit my mum and that’s the only family I now have I hope my dad haunts them!!!

[Chancalot]

No you're not seeing it all wrong. Unfortunately they see our condition only when it benefits them. Going through a somewhat similar situation except I was the one not always there for my mom but what I did for her was belittled and frowned upon. I'm known as the one with the mental illness. It's frustrating but I give it to God. Stay alert, keep looking after your mom, I've had family cook up stories about me that caused great harm. Take care of yourself!

[mira99 in reply to Chancalot]

Thank you I really appreciate that, if family can do this what hope is there! Thank you xxx

[Hidden]

Do you live in the UK. You have been through hell and did so much visiting your dad and your dad would have sensed this. The youngest child in the family may experience jealousy from older siblings. It all comes down to the will. If your mum has dementia and is still alive she would then be the benefactor of your dads estate but the money would be provisioned by the council for care. If the house was let before probate then the council might consider thistobe deprivation of assets. We had a similar problem when my dad was ill. We went to see a solicitor through the citizens advice bureau. The first session was free. If you wanted to clarify anything with the council you could phone the department for finance and care for information. I guess you want to keep close to your family though you have been lleft feeling miserable as you were only putting the family interests first. It is your decision but when the chips are down your mum,s care is not free and your mother has to have an advocate rather than a power of attorney. I think you have behaved admirably but your family have cutyou out of the picture. Very upsetting for you. It is worth getting advice from a free visit to a solicitors who deals family law but family disputes lead to break ups and stress. Well done for coping so we'll.

[mira99 in reply to Hidden]

Oh thank you thank you thank you, I do in my heart know I only was trying to do what was right money means nothing to me I would give every penny just for one pint with my dad. My sister has always been very jealous of me but suddenly was my friend till she got what she wanted I do feel better not having anything else to do with them and seeing them putting a bar I dads garden would have broke me so best I never know what they are doing. It’s just it goes round and round in your head and you think it must be me that’s bad as surely family can’t be like that. It really helps that you don’t think I am evil and my dad would I think be proud of me for looking after mum, but yes I think I need to check the legal side just in case. You really helped thank you xx

[Hidden in reply to mira99]

You are doing the best for your mum so pleased that you might find out about your options. Take care