Is it enough?

[Penguin147]

I made a post about dealing with abuse before and got a lot of good feedback and advice on it. I wanted to get on and ask for some more now. We have started doing couples therapy. I'm not sure if it's good enough for me to move past what he's done and not sure if he's really willing to change anything. Our first session we were asked what one of the main issues we had was. We said communication and i said his anger. One of the first things he said was he will not be made to look like a monster and like he's the only bad guy here. Most of the time I was silent and cried after that. He doesn't want to share about the deeper problems and I don't think his "efforts" in the exercises the therapist gives us is enough. He's not digging deep and answering in a way he should. Is it enough to forgive and move forward if he's at least going to therapy with me?

[Hidden]

my 2 cents worth is so many men have a lot of trouble “.opening up” or “digging deeper” that maybe your expectations need to be adjusted a bit

[Ellamaye in reply to Hidden]

Wow that was super honest 🤣. Love it

[Ellamaye]

I guess that's a big step to go to couples therapy? I live in the UK and therapy is not as normal here and I have friends who have asked there partners to go as a way to save thier relationships but have got a flat no. Hopefully going repeatedly will help but I guess its if the person is willing to hear things about themselves that they don't want to hear x your trying though and that's always positive x I really wish you well x

[Cookie2217]

Well this is a tough one. Sometimes our husbands anger comes out in ways that they blame us for the way that they feel you know what I'm saying. He's lashing out in therapy because he may know that he's wrong and doesn't want to admit it because in a sense who would want to admit they were wrong right? I suffer from major depressive disorder PTSD and adjustment disorder and I can barely get out of bed in the morning and go to work and my husband yells at me to get up and get moving I have to go to Fn work.... so tonight I told him you know I have issues going to work and I hate my job right now and I don't want to go but in the morning could you just be a little bit more compassionate and tell me nicely and just be supportive instead of yelling at me. My husband said he would do that from now on we'll see what happens this week. That being said maybe you can tell your husband in the therapeutic setting that you're not trying to make him be the only bad guy and that you appreciate the effort that he's making by coming to therapy with you to figure out your issues together. Let's face it nobody really likes to go to therapy I don't think because they have to face up to the fact that they're there for a reason their problems are such that they can't deal with them on their own and need an outsider a neutral party to help the two of you come to an agreement or an understanding so the two of you going forward will respect each other more and your husband doesn't hurt you by the things that he says right now. I hope what I said helped you a little bit let me know how it goes interested to find out. My husband and I have been married for 18 years and I've been together for 20 there are good seasons and there are not so good seasons right now is one of the tough ones for us and it seems like it's the same for you right now too. Just know that I understand how you feel.

[Midori]

Give him a bit longer, he may feel deeply uncomfortable in the situation with a therapist. He may open up when he feels that he's not going to be ganged up on.

Cheers, Midori