enough is enough..

[Madysen019]

Today my Dad called me about an hour before I had to work and told me that he needed to take my mom to the Hospital because she was having bad chest pains and shortness of breath.

I IMMEDIATELY called my job and explained I needed to go help him and go watch my younger brothers who are 2 and 4 years old.

I got there and my mom was still there but she said she was feeling better but wanted me to stay just in case. And so I did.

My moms good friends husbands 60 th birthday party was this afternoon and she asked if my other brother who is 16 and I would take care of the “ littles”. And I said it wasn’t a big deal. My 16 yo brother on the other hand wanted nothing to do with it and got mad at my dad and stormed off.

Well, my dad decided to take it out on me. He said “well great, good to know that if either one of us (referring to my mom and him) has a medical emergency we are “f#%$ed”

I got really upset by this because there I was, having rushed over and called out of work to come and support my family and he tells me to my face I’m not doing enough.

He said that I am selfish and don’t want to do anything unless it benefits me in one way or another.

We got into a huge argument and he got in his car and drove off. I went and stood in front of it because I thought it was completely not acceptable that if he was SOOO concerned with my mom , why he would take off in his car because he’s mad at me.

I told him I wasn’t going to put up with his emotional abuse and manipulation anymore because I was tired of him blaming me for everything and thinking I’m not supportive when clearly my actions show other wise.

If I didn’t care I wouldn’t have been there but that’s not enough for him.

He threatened to kick me off the insurance plan and shut off my phone because he doesn’t need a “leech”.

I’m 20 and have been on my own since I was 17. Everything I have gotten for myself has been from me buying it and working for it.

I am completely fed up with his behavior towards me but don’t know what to do....

because

[Hidden]

So sorry you have to deal with this!You deserve a group hug after this.

I don’t know about your Dad. But my Dad was and is a narcissist. He abused me is similar ways that your Dad does to you (plus physically). I took it because I had to to survive. Even after I moved out I still took it because I didn’t know any better. Then I started counseling. Many years and multiple counselors later, I decided on my own that, until my Dad was willing to acknowledge him abusing me, I would have a NO contact rule. Thankfully I live far enough away. But once he showed up unannounced, manipulated my neighbors into thinking I was a very bad person, and I had to confront him. I don’t know if that’s what you need to do but I wanted to share my story in case you’re considering it. It is possible.

You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. You are a smart, resourceful person. You have a caring heart. I’m so proud of you for reaching out!

[Madysen019 in reply to Hidden]

I thankfully do live on my own. Today was the first time I ever called out of work for any reason. When we try to talk about the way he treats me , he gets offended and pulls the “you’re hurting my feelings” card. It is very difficult to talk to him about anything. He says I’ll never know the struggle of what being an adult is. My dad was in the Marines before I was born and used that as a method of teaching us manners. He always told me to stand up to those who put you down and don’t let them destroy you. He taught me that crying was a sign of weakness and the pain is weakness leaving the body. Yet he tells me it’s okay to be emotional and cry. But when I do he uses it against me. It’s a very vicious cycle. I have tried to let him in but it back fires everytime.

[Dolphin14 in reply to Hidden]

I'm confused. Your mother wasn't even sick? They just needed a babysitter?

[Madysen019 in reply to Dolphin14]

She was having bad chest pains and my dad wanted to bring her to the hospital but she didn’t want to go.

[Dolphin14 in reply to Dolphin14]

Ok thanks for clarifying I read through twice. That's my focus issue.

Anyway, your dad has some unresolved issues of his own that he needs to deal with. Don't let anyone bring you down. You sound very mature and aware of what's going on. You have to set boundaries. With him. Sometimes you just bang your head against the wall with people that behave like your dad. He changes his mind about what is " acceptable" or not. That probably stems from bigger issues in his own childhood.

I would keep myself at a cautious distance. If you get upset just bow out. Let him cool himself off. Don't let him speak to you negatively. Just tell him you have to go.

It's hard, but do what's best for you in the long run.

That's just my opinion. I hope it doesn't come across negative because that's not the intent.

Best of luck to you

[hypercat54]

Hi I I don't know if you live with them or have your own place. If the first then I would move out asap. The second I would explain that you can't take more time off work and your brother needs to help out too.

It sounds like he doesn't trust your brother to look after them which is a back handed compliment to you. He obviously trusts you.

Oh can you please edit out the f word? It's unacceptable on here. Thanks. x

[Amz1987]

Oh boy, sounds like they just want someone to look after the young kids so they can do what they want, leaving that burden on you and your brother?

Another thought is maybe something deeper is going on with him? After you have both calmed down, maybe see if he will sit down with you and have a proper chat and ask him if he is ok.

At the end of the day what he said to you is very wrong, you dropped everything to be there.

[Kkimm]

Hi

Sounds as if you are having a really bad time and are being treated unfairly. I guess your dad is feeling under pressure and will probably regret how he behaved.

He probably has anger issues.

Really hope things improve.

Kim

[Peacewithin]

Good for you sticking up to him. Let them know you are there for them but you have responsibilities as well . If your brother is not working or at school he should help. Why didn't they take the kids with them? You have to work. Maybe Dad should think about staying home with his sick wife and his children.