Feeling shut up all the time

[kanzler1987]

Good afternoon again,

Have any of you felt like it doesn’t matter what you say or do, people are just constantly turning you down.

If so, how did you cope?

All and any advice will do.

Thank you

[Ellamaye]

Turning you down?

[kanzler1987 in reply to Ellamaye]

No one listens to what you have to say, and you are always having to just agree with people and yeah. Basically you must act like a robot all the time.

That is what I mean by turning you down……I guess I should put it as turning away from you……..or not listening…….sorry English is bad……..so if you can’t understand me, I will do my best to explain……

[Ellamaye in reply to kanzler1987]

Yeah I can relate to feeling invisible or that my opinions don't matter definitely x I also have an issue with people coming to me to tell me something I previously told them first? That makes me feel super invisible. Like they didn't hear me at all? They can always remember what bill from down the road or Susan from the corner shop told them though? And it makes me feel unimportant and insignificant

[kanzler1987 in reply to Ellamaye]

So how do you cope?

[Ellamaye in reply to kanzler1987]

Wow putting me right on the spot there. I guess I don't let it overwhelme me. It isn't everybody who doesn't listen to me I have realised that sometimes other people like to feel more important by dismissing my views and opinions . But that could be that they themselves feel less intelligent or knowledgeable about a certain subject. I still know my own truth so it bothers me less that they don't hear me. Maybe when they hear me they are threatened by that?

[kanzler1987 in reply to Ellamaye]

Maybe who knows……

[Ellamaye in reply to kanzler1987]

I guess the main thing is do you think what you have to contribute is important enough? People can try to drown our voices and belittle our opinions. We can't take our validation from them x

[kanzler1987 in reply to Ellamaye]

Yes I feel like I do enough and speak up enough it is others who just ignore me which bothers me so

[hypercat54 in reply to kanzler1987]

Not criticising but observing - are you a people pleaser? Its very common especially in us women. We are taught to be nice and polite to others and see other people's needs and opinions as more important than our own.

[kanzler1987 in reply to hypercat54]

Yes I am. Been taught to be like that my whole life. My mother would beat me if I didn’t follow her rules and regulation. And than my brother, and than other family members.

[BlueAgave in reply to kanzler1987]

So sorry to hear that, but it's in the past now. I've finally figured out that not all people are worth the effort. If they aren't interested in what you have to say, then it's not worth the time to spend with them. Find those who do value your input and conversation and make more time for them. This is just my opinion, but we don't have to make everyone happy.

[hypercat54 in reply to kanzler1987]

Ah sorry to hear that but that is the root cause and what you need to be working on. You will probably need therapy to unravel all this so are you seeing anyone at the moment?

[kanzler1987 in reply to hypercat54]

Yes I did talk therapy for almost 3 to 4 years didn’t work. Now trying something called EMDR therapy. Only have done 2 sessions so we are still working together on getting me where I need to be. But yes I have been seeing a counselor and I am in antidepressants.

[hypercat54 in reply to kanzler1987]

Ok that's good you are getting medical help. There is also a lot of YouTube videos and general info online about people pleasers and things you can try.

I hope the EMDR therapy helps you. Bear in mind though that it took many years for the issues to develop so it will take time to deal with too. Its not an easy process as by its very nature its digging up painful memories, but I can tell you from experience it is very worthwhile.

[Cpearl in reply to kanzler1987]

I feel that way too! Last time my brother and his wife come over for a few minutes. He was looking at his phone and I was speaking to them about something when mid sentence she just started talking to my dog that was asleep across the room. So I just stopped with what I was saying and neither of them even noticed. Not really sure why they even bother with coming to visit me. Sorry I'm just in a really down place right now... I'm not really able to offer any advice and not really sure why I'm replying ........Hope someone else can answer this.

[catsrock]

I feel that way with my family of origin. I still say what I want with them, but it took a long time for me to feel strong enough to. They tend to dismiss my feelings and act like I'm crazy, but they are also a bunch of narcissists so can't handle if someone doesn't agree with them or questions them. Just remember, you know what's true and what your truth is.