So people do not notice my hyper vigilant state...if I'm looking at the table or my phone but yet keeping my focus on them, they can't notice me paying close attention to them?
Is my secret safe?: So people do not... - Anxiety and Depre...
Is my secret safe?
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EricJones
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I think "in general" most people make eye contact for 2 reasons:
1 - When they are in a conversation. (this could include actively listening to others people that are talking)
2 - To avoid bumping into each other when they are walking.
.
There's probably other scenarios, but those 2 above in my opinion are probably the most common.
so do people notice my focus on them, if i'm not looking at them?
Really it comes down to if you are staring at them or not.
The longer you look at someone, the more likely they might notice.
but i'm not staring at them...im just focused on them through my peripheral vision...they cant notice that, correct?
I can't speak for everyone, most likely not.
well my body language moves when their body language moves...they cant figure out that i'm focused on them, if i move every time they move
"well my body language moves when their body language moves.."
Is it something that happens automatically like if somebody raises their hand, you would automatically raise your hand too?
haha no...thats mimicking...but if someone raised their hand i might flinch or move my body because of it
That may need a (better) professional diagnosis in order to give you the answer that you are looking for.
Some people might pick up on your reactions to their movements, but those that pick up on it are most likely hypervigilant themselves and would probably understand your reactions.
One way to find out if people notice you focusing on them through peripheral vision is to ask a family member or friend to focus on you through peripheral vision and look at them to see if you notice them focusing on you.
Eric, everyone is so busy now a days in burying their head in their phones that seems
to be the norm. I on the other hand always put my ear buds on and listen to a relaxation
tape when sitting and waiting for a doctor's appt.
I tend to believe we all are a little nervous for different reasons. But I would say most
people are trying to hide by focusing on something else instead of the people around
them.
Now, as for jumping or moving around when someone else does, that's you over anxious
nervous system doing them. I think I've told you in the past, my body would just jump
forward while sitting. I would then cough and pretend that's what made me jolt.
When we eventually become calm within ourselves, this will no longer happen.
It's just a reflex of the nerves that does this. Others do not pay attention since they
are in the same "twilight" zone as us. Worrying about their own issues. 
xx
so no one notices my head jerking?
Even if someone noticed it Eric, it wouldn't make any difference to them.
I was in a doctor's waiting room today and I purposely didn't pull out my
headphones. Why?? Because I wanted to see what other people were doing
in the room and how others may react.
The man in front of me was having some wheezing and moving his legs up
and down. His head was buried in his phone. I noticed it and then went on
to something else. Another woman came in looking for the lab and was given
directions by the receptionist. She never looked at anyone else but seemed
confused and went her way. Another woman who was there before I came
had a cast on her leg but again, her head buried in her phone.
I thought of you during this process and wanted to let you know that no
one really notices anything going on. They are all preoccupied with their
own lives. As for myself, I had no feelings or thoughts looking around
observing because not that I don't care but that their lives had nothing
to do with me. So instead, I did my breathing exercises and just used the
time to relax before my name was called.
I proved something to myself today in that what we tell you is the truth,
people just don't watch people like you think, that is, unless they are doing
a research like I was for you Eric. xx
Are you fine in social settings?
Not really Eric but I've learned to become a different person when around people.
I use to be shy and introverted and through learning how to overcome this,
I became very outgoing as to who I am. The thing is sometimes it's best to
be more laid back and just observe. And that's what I did today.
So are you nervous around people or not ..because to be out going, seems the opposite of nervous around people
Eric, I can actually be both if that makes sense. I literally could walk into a room and
be asked to speak in front of a group and be able to do it.
When sitting in a waiting room, I tend to keep a low profile because of my
being so outgoing. Once I open my mouth, people tend to gravitate and talk
with me, telling me their whole life history.
So I've learned that at times, I need to put my headphones on so as not to
be disturbed. That for me is hard to do.
You're still describing the traits of an outgoing person
Maybe I am. Maybe the shy person I once was becomes apparent when sitting in
a room of strangers. Not knowing where to look. I have always had people looking
at me once I became an adult. I use to get angry and wonder why are they staring
at me?? I could feel it and then when I looked up, they put their eyes down. No matter
where I went people were looking? I was very uncomfortable during those times.
Many times I wanted to go up to them and say "why don't you take a picture, it
lasts longer". Of course I didn't. I think it had to do with my insecurities, my up
bringing in being this perfect little girl.
It's pretty hard not to get an inferiority complex when you think and see that
people are looking.
So....I turned this around with the help of therapy and classes. I learned that
a smile could break the ice and not make me feel so insecure or nervous.
It's hard for me to describe Eric because I've worked very hard in becoming
who I am today. I think that is why I want so much to help you. Because, I once
was in your position. xx
"""I tend to believe we all are a little nervous for different reasons. But I would say most people are trying to hide by focusing on something else instead of the people around them."""
I would add many people are not even aware they are nervous and use coping mechanisms unconsciously.
In general, "we" have greater proprioception and self-awareness, either as a direct symptom of our mental condition or because we learned to, e.g., through cognitive behavioral therapy.
I am always amazed by the amount of information neurotypical people ignore or filter out of their consciousness.
This is SO true & I can so relate. Especially, the part about "Neurotypical" people ignoring, or filtering out the "junk" out of their consciousness. I do believe that the majority of people just filter out the "Crap," that people who are "neurodivergent" pay Too much, WAY Too much attention to. And, that is why "we" get into trouble Worrying about what others may see, or think about us when in Reality, most people just are either on their phone (maybe "hiding"), or just really aren't paying attention to US! Simple fact, & have to remind myself of that!!!
EricaJones, I have always wondered similar things.Like how much do people notice that? I'm almost always freaking out inside and trying to hide it?
I’m wondering if meditation can help you refocus. It helps me so I’m hoping it might you if you haven’t already tried it.
My guess is that if you are looking down, they will notice. A better bet if eye contact is uncomfortable for you is to try looking over their shoulder, at their ear, or at their forehead or hairline or nose, so you are at least looking towards them. It's okay (and normal) to glance away, even down, but if you don't look at them at all, they may wonder why.
People tend to like having your attention and eye contact is one way they feel they have it. These points allow you to look towards them and focus in that direction without having to actually meet their eyes - although if you can glance at their eyes occasionally, that may be a goal to work towards. Hope this helps!
In that situation, only by whether or not you respond or comment. But looking over in their direction occasionally is still a good idea if possible.
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