Is it True?

[EricJones]

Is it really the truth that people dont pay us any mind. They're not worried about what body language I display and arent trying to figure out if im paying attention to them. they're so caught up in their own world they dont notice? Like at all?

[Sunrisetabby]

Yes and no. I forget exactly how the saying goes, but it is something like when you are young you care what other people think about you, as you get older you stop caring about what other people think about you, and later you finally realize that people don't care about you at all. But, we are social animals. Like for other primates, caring about our social position seems to be hard wired into our mainframe and untangling it is very challenging. Part of why Facebook and Instagram and Tiktok and the like have destroyed the mental health of so many is that it becomes so easy to compare yourself to the best in the world, and those best are almost always genetic freaks and cheats, be it having wealthy parents or being able to afford the best plastic surgeons. We don't, I know that I don't want to care about those people, but still it seems I inevitably end up comparing myself to them. But, focusing on you and me, I think the real key is about feeling ok with ourselves and finding a tribe or group, ideally in person but virtual works as well, where we can contribute and participate and grow, hopefully by pushing each other. One of my favorite silly mantras, is by one of those ridiculous self-help former navy seal gurus that is so full of himself that he enjoys smelling his own flatulence named Mark Divine. Despite his glaring shortcomings and complete lack of humility or understanding of his own ignorance, I do enjoy his mantra that he used to get through Navy Seal training: "Looking good, Feeling good, I belong in Hollywood." He repeated that to himself endlessly through Hell Week. If you look good, whatever that means to you personally, are you happy with your grooming, your clothing, your attitude, your posture, etc, then you will feel better. Then perhaps you can end up in Hollywood. I used to live in LA and my understanding was that noone makes it in Hollywood except for the people that fully believe in themselves, yes, arrogance and a bit of self-delusion are necessary to succeed in silly Hollywood. Sorry, I was just thinking aloud to myself and I'm not sure if I even addressed your question.

[hypercat54]

Yes and yes. Short and succinct. Do you spend all your time worrying about other people's body language? You are much too busy worrying about yourself so why should others be different? Why should they care about it?

The truth is they don't at all. Not sure why you think they are concerned about you - a stranger or bare acquaintance? Is there a good reason you think they should be?

[EricJones in reply to hypercat54]

i'm not sure why i think so..i have the spotlight effect....and social anxiety...fear that people are looking than they probably are...but i still feel like they are

[Sillysausage234]

I think people do notice Eric ,we are highly tuned to pick up on dangers or if something is off it’s a survival mechanism……but if you just scroll through your phone when you’re in company like you’ve stated previously,people will just write you off as part of the new breed of phone scroll types

[Midori]

People notice only until another distraction comes along , (the 'Ooh Shiny!' effect).

We are programmed to be alert for danger by our primitive brain, and some of us allow that brain full control, which leads to the person thinking he or she is being watched and judged all the time. In reality everyone's head is full of stuff all the time 'Did I turn the oven off, did that person notice the hole in my tights, are they looking at the mess my hair is in in this wind?' so they don't have time to think about somebody else looking weird. At least not after they look away or turn the next corner.

I stick out like a sore thumb, deliberately so, I have proved the point to my own satisfaction, so I dress down, not up. Jeans and teeshirts on a 76year old woman. I'm almost invisible!

Think 'Out of sight, Out of Mind.'

Cheers, Midori