It's the loneliness that gets me

[bluebird12397]

Almost 52 and completely alone in this world.

My family never wanted or loved me and I married a man who hates me just as much as they don't have children and I lost all my high school friends during high school and never really made any good ones since.

I have so many people in my life who are trying to hurt me that I just don't understand how one person's life can be so messed up.

I want to give up. I don't have any more strength for all these battles day after day-year after year-decade after decade.

I had to adopt a dog to give myself a reason to get out of bed and keep going, but I fear I cannot care for her.

I feel so alone. I have felt this way my whole life and it only gets worse. I have tried over and over to let people in, but they just end up stabbing me in the back in some unforgivable way.

I don't feel like I will ever trust anyone after the horrors of these past 6 years trying to find help. Even people who are being paid to help won't help me. I am being treated like my life is joke by my family, husband, neighbors, police and even the town court. Everyone hates me even though I have spent my life doing my best to be concerned for others needs above my own.

As a 52 yo woman I am even afraid to be in my own yard for fear of the angry people who surround me.

I have nowhere to go in this huge world for refuge. I have safe shoulder to lean on. I am so afraid. I am so alone.

[Agora1]

Hi bluebird12397, I'm happy to Welcome you to a caring supportive community

of virtual friends. We tend to go by our own experiences in helping others.

In reading your post and bio, it sounds like a lot more deeper issues you have

been dealing with. I hope when you are ready, we can help you by not making

you feel so alone as you do. I'm glad you are here with us. xx

[bluebird12397 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you for replying to my . I feel a little less alone already.

[Agora1 in reply to bluebird12397]

xx

[Hidden]

I feel so much empathy and compassion for you. I have in my life felt like everyone around me let me down, or betrayed me (for the past few years since turning 28). To this day, it’s very difficult for me to trust others. But it was then that I saw those around me for who they really

When I felt depressed, mad, lonely, and sad, I made time each day to return to old hobbies I neglected in the past. I did this for a year. If there is any type of creativity you can return to and monetize take all the pain from those people and pour it into something you love. I hope it’s helps🤍🤍

[gajh]

Hello and Welcome. Hopefully you will feel less alone being here with us.

[Teaching]

Welcome to the community. It's difficult to trust people these days and hopefully, you will feel loved here.

[bluebird12397]

Thank you for listening and hearing me. I truly wish the same for you as well.

[Barbloki]

I can hear your pain through your writing. My first thought is to find new people to ask for help. A different therapist, a different doctor. Call a local mental health center and ask for help. If you have insurance, call them and ask for a referral for help. If you believe in God, find a church or other ministry to talk to. Find someone who can help you and comfort you. Keep searching in new places. What's that old saying? "Don't keep doing the same thing over and over and expect a different result." What you've been doing isn't working. The people you've been counting on are not helping. This online group is a great place with support people. I hope you can find what you need. We care and we want to help.

[catsrock]

Please don't give up. I'm sorry things are so hard right now - that sucks. Are you working with a doctor to address all these issues? I hope you can find a support system through your doctor and others and know we are here and understand.

[Sh4d0w]

I kinda feel the same way. I've got no solutions but I thought I'd let you know that you aren't the only one that feels like this.

For perspective, I have betrayal trauma that encompasses my whole family, orchestrated first by my ex-husband and then through my brainwashed son. Add some culture shock because the world is completely different than it used to be and another unhealthy romantic relationship and I'm squarely in the jaws of relationship OCD, as a secondary condition to C-PTSD and a a few major PTSD events. Just telling you this because sometimes it's easier to swallow our own nightmare if we know we're not the only one living through this type of nightmare.

[bluebird12397 in reply to Sh4d0w]

Yes, the lonely isolation is the worst. I am so sorry you have this e experience and I thank you for sharing.

[Sh4d0w in reply to bluebird12397]

No problem. You can dm me of you want to process. I've got a friend I do this with. It's helpful