Debilitating anxiety

[user479]

I found my way to this community this morning (read: I'm new!), out of exhaustion from persistent anxiety, and the drive to at least try to change. I have a full time job - which I never feel like I am good enough for; a hobby in the performing arts - which I never feel like I am funny enough; and a deep love for working with my hands through crafting with found material - which I am so concerned about what other people will think about the art I put out, I have not made anything since setting up my studio a year and a half ago; I was a collegiate athlete and loved teams and working out - I haven't exercised in 4 months and find it so difficult to start up again. I am in a good relationship, but I think we both struggle with anxiety and depression and often find it difficult to lift each other up. We often turn to alcohol which momentarily fixes the problem -- but my anxiety is often way amped up the following day (I'd rather had a physical hangover than this anxiety!).

I have recently realized that I often leave all decisions "up to the universe" and take very little control of things myself (and decision making is certainly not my forte). This, I've realized, has been how my life has evolved into what it is today - all of my friends feel like they are 'by default'. The only thing I've worked extra hard towards is my job. However, I've recently fallen into a rut with work where I don't care if I am a good/smart employee, or am just getting through the day (which is uncharacteristic of me). I feel like I've just hit a wall - I can't bring myself to do any of the things that I want to do for fun/hobbies. Whenever I think about getting started, I just ruminate on all of the small things stopping me ("I don't know how to do that", "that's a stupid design", "no one will like that", "I can't believe I'm not good at anything"). And then I end up spending nearly the entire day in bed sleeping.

Does anyone experience thoughts like this? What do you do? I've thought about trying to live a "more curated lifestyle", and simply trying to be more proactive. But I'm having trouble getting past the hurdle of "I am worthy". Any thoughts, words, insights would be greatly appreciated!

[RiderontheStorm]

How I deal with it. Start small. Appreciate the small simple things and being present. *Because I think it does not make it true. The above statement is very large. Let go. Be Well. No meds and self soothing.

[user479 in reply to RiderontheStorm]

❤️Thank you for your time and response 🙏

[Sober2007]

I can definitely relate to what you described, particularly what I have experienced as a "paralysis" and further spiral into depression that comes with rumination. Being a part of this community has helped me gain some insight into how my illness works to keep me in suffering if I don't learn a new approach to living. I've been listening to Claire Weekes suggestions for overcoming anxiety on YouTube after that was mentioned by multiple people here. Maybe you will find this video helpful as well.

youtube.com/watch?v=MHr4a71...(Not working as expected?)

[Agora1 in reply to Sober2007]

Hi Sober, a big Thank You for sharing this important life changing video. As often as

I have read Dr. Weekes' books or watched her videos over the years, I am always

amazed on her understanding and assurance for the anxious person. She makes sense

in a simple but yet knowledgeable way. She is each and every one of us.

Thank you again. Make it a great day! xx

[Sober2007 in reply to Agora1]

My pleasure and will do Agora - thanks!

[Gohorse]

The negative self talk is tough. I do it too. Everyone always says - you wouldn’t talk to your best friend like that would you? Maybe try that

[UB4me]

Do you think some of your anxiety comes from feeling as though life is dependent upon chance or "up to the universe"? Anxiety is real and many of us struggle with it at some point in our lives (some more than others.) I find that I feel more at ease (even free) when I choose to toss out the lies that I am believing and replace them with Truth. Truth is-we are all unworthy. We don't have to be perfect-we can't. That is freeing to me.