Ruminating’s causing me distress.

[Nunk]

Hello everyone, could anyone help me deal with my constant ruminating. It’s causing me distress and anguish constantly, even sleeping’s a problem. I openly admit I’m a people pleaser and go out of my way to receive approval and praise. I’ve done it since childhood and have had counselling for it. It stems from my upbringing and I’ve carried it on throughout my life, I’m 60 now. I’ve got a loving wife and beautiful daughters which are the most important things to me. I just constantly look for approval from friends and work colleagues. I’m always thinking about what they think of me. It’s a really difficult cycle to break and is fuel to my depression and anxiety. Little things like if someone doesn’t reply to my text then a thousand thoughts go around my head. I even smile and say hello to everyone I see whilst I’m out exercising. It’s all rather embarrassing really but if anyone’s got any pointers to how I can reduce these thoughts then I’d be very grateful.

[Hidden]

Hi, I am also a ruminator and a worrier. I read a book that explains everything about me. It's called 50 Ways To Rewire Your Brain by Catherine M. Pittman, PhD. She explains it and provides helpful suggestions. I also think a therapist that understands anxiety and the brain, the amygdala vs the pre fontal cortex, would be helpful. I just want you to know that you are not alone.

[Nunk in reply to Hidden]

Thank you.

[Teaching in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for sharing your experience. Please where can I get the book. I'll like to rewire my brain.

[Nunk in reply to Teaching]

I’ve found it on Amazon and eBay, I hope that helps.

[Teaching in reply to Nunk]

Thank you so much. I'll order it now.

[Hidden in reply to Teaching]

I got it from Amazon. tinyurl.com/mr4c59wc

[Teaching in reply to Hidden]

Thank you

[cashew78]

Hello, sorry to hear you're going through this and have been for so long. I've been in (and expect to be again) the same boat and know it's not easy. Two things that sort of work for me are simply sitting with the discomfort, and forcing myself to do something else. When I can't fight off the thoughts anymore, fine, they win today; I just let them have their fill like they're a toddler having a temper tantrum and keep doing what I'm doing until my mind finally goes to a different place. Not fun, but it just plays itself out at times and I can get on with my day, albeit tired and sad. For that day. Tomorrow might be different. The other thing that sort of works for me is just doing something, anything else. Yes I can acknowledge the thoughts, sure, but my cat needs a bath now, or my floor needs to be swept now, or lunch needs to be cooked now, etc. The anxiety doesn't necessarily lessen for me, but the edge gets dulled some and that can make a difference. Eventually the thoughts have slightly less power, they don't return with the same intensity, or they willingly take a back seat because I'm busy with something else. I wish you luck and hope you find something that works for you.

[Nunk in reply to cashew78]

Thank you.

[Kathleen08 in reply to Nunk]

Hi got cancer last year then my head changed could not stop thinking about this seen my doctor and having cbt find it as be come lees now d r

[Nunk in reply to Kathleen08]

Thank you Kathleen, I hope you’re ok now.

[BrainIsFull]

I ruminate as well. I have had some success with actively replacing the thoughts with another set of thoughts that I had prepared.

For Instance:

When I recognize that I am ruminating I say to myself:

"I am ruminating. I choose to break this cycle of thoughts" and then I do one of the exercises that help to bring me back to the present moment. (Like the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 exercise or I go through the alphabet and name 3 foods that begin with each letter-like Apple, Artichoke, Avocado, Banana, Blueberries, Beans)

And then I start all over again when the thoughts return.

It takes lots of effort. But this symptom has gotten much better for me .

[Nunk in reply to BrainIsFull]

Thank you, I’ll give that a try.

[Hidden]

now this is an area that unfortunately I have a lot of experience in. At a young age I developed pretty serious, low self-esteem, and I’ve spent a lifetime feeding that monster

Naturally, when you don’t feel good about yourself, you try to be successful of things, and accomplish things and please people.

I didn’t get diagnosed till later in life, so I wondered about this at times . why cared so much about certain things, but when I did get diagnosed and I went into deep research, it was part of what I have as a bipolar person which is low self-esteem. I also suffer from depression, mania , anxiety, and sometimes the worst of them— ruminations.

I don’t have any earth shattering solutions for you. I do know that the key for me is when I feel better and that has been mostly when I’ve discovered the right medication and holistic therapies and therapy itself then I ruminate quite a bit less .

I don’t think there’s a little pill we can take for rumination control, but I could be wrong so I work on my control through meditation, mindfulness, and other such techniques. I’ve looked intothem all and tried them all, but my brain overpowers me a lot, especially when there’s negatives in my life of any magnitude.

something that I did wrong that most people would be over in about a week or two or month or so , is reoccurring for me for weeks ,months, years and even decades.

I think of a mountain stream I was at or a beach in Hawaii where I lived in my 20s or a concert that I went to where I was felt a great vibe,or whatever it takes for me to get my mind into a good place and off of ruminations of the negative

So not to much help from me , but I thought it was important for you to know that there’s somebody else out there who is experiencing very similar things like you and is doing so much better in that area because I’ve got about 90% relief from my pretty extreme symptoms and that happened to be through medication fir mg extreme anxiety and depression.

for me , at least , nothing else has given me that relief until I found the right cocktail mix of meds couple years ago

Best

Craig

[Nunk in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Craig.

[Hidden in reply to Nunk]

Your welcome. Anything you’ve learned that can help me?

[Nunk in reply to Hidden]

I tend to find the thing that helps me is to keep busy rather than just sitting about. I understand this isn’t possible all the time but that’s basically the only thing that helps me. It’s not much I know but that’s why I use this site for inspiration from others just like yourself.

[Hidden in reply to Nunk]

Thank you sir

[sebastians]

Try to develop a fuck you attitude. Life is short. You cannot ever please everyone else. So develop a thick shell and please only yourself. The root problem is you don't know what will please YOU... I guess only you can decide that

[Hidden in reply to sebastians]

That's one way to say it I guess.🤔

[Nunk]

Thank you to everyone who’s replied to me, it means a lot that you’ve taken time out to try and help me. I’ve got plenty to be working with now, it’s good to know people feel like I do but hopefully we can all overcome these thoughts and enjoy our lives.

[Chilidoglover]

I can relate to your struggle!

Check out this book “overcoming unwanted intrusive thoughts” by Sally Winston.

You’re not alone ♡