I’m in a dark hole that I keep making deeper

[Scatteredtulips]

I’m new to this group and I’ve only joined because of how much worse things are getting. I’ve been battling depression and suicidal thoughts for years. Childhood trauma from the age of 8 has really diminished my self image, trust, and much more.

My insecurities are through the roof and it’s damaging my relationship with my boyfriend especially. I love him unconditionally and he feels the same for me. But I’ve been putting all my problems and struggles on him, it’s been too much for him. I don’t know what to do to get better. I’m going to therapy and it’s not enough. I’m not honest about these thoughts I have from fear of what may happen to my future if I share them.

I need to do something to get better. I need to stretch my support group larger than just him. I’m breaking in so many places over and over again. It’s making me lash out in assumptions and pure insecure thoughts. I need to get better. I don’t know what to do..

[Scatteredtulips]

Thank you for letting me feel I have a place😌

[CanuckAnon]

Get all those negative thoughts out here... not on your bf... here we have been where u are and are working to combat these very same things hourly and daily... he is managing enough right now... he sounds very supportive and kind hearted. You are lucky.

It’s great u can identify the neg brain spinning stuff you lash out at him accusingly... it’s also great that u reached out here! You are well on your way on this journey to living with, managing better and coping as best u can... 😊 I’m glad you are also in therapy as this will help u but I get needing more support cuz yes it is like taming a beast inside u... you can do it... you can sort thru the negative and calm it out for what it is... negative crap intended to trick u... not real...

😊☀️🌷🤗 here anytime u wanna vent, rant, be listened to or even chat....

[Scatteredtulips in reply to CanuckAnon]

This means a lot. You’re so understanding. Thank you. Thank you times a million.🥺

[CanuckAnon in reply to Scatteredtulips]

I also mean anytime.. rant away... I know it helps... I have been there!

[BetaTogetha]

Hello! I think you are amazing and resourceful for finding this group and posting! We’re all here to support. Therapy is a good step, but it is the right therapy for you? Therapists take different approaches and some clients don’t always know or explain what they need.

First of all self care and self love! It’s hard but you need to give yourself love. Lower some of your expectations, you don’t need to be perfect right this minute or this month, so long as you are growing and learning more about yourself. Start with being proud of yourself for coming this far in life! You had a rough start and look how strong you are!! You deserve love and respect, especially from yourself 💗

Here’s my hypothetical/explanation:

Doing therapy and having goals in therapy are two different things.

To be specific, having experienced childhood trauma for a very long time, you have most likely picked up certain thought patterns. It’s probably difficult to trust, and that issue with trust disrupts your ability to clearly communicate with people, especially when things are difficult/stressful.

So if you talk to your therapist and set some goals specific goals like: I want to learn how to change how I communicate when I’m stressed/triggered. Then your therapist can work on helping you identify the thought patterns that you have in those times and then can help you with changing your thoughts and that in turn helps change your communication.

So my suggestion would be figure out what specifically you would like to learn through therapy and then ask your therapist to help you with that goal. Also, know that these changes we make and the growth we experience will take time. It won’t all snap into place, we have to put our energy into making the changes. We will have set backs and it may feel uncomfortable at times but the growth will come and it will only help us be better for ourselves and those around us.

Best wishes

[Scatteredtulips in reply to BetaTogetha]

This is such a big help. It’s something I didn’t know I needed to hear and definitely wouldn’t have thought of ever. Thank you so very much❤️

[lostsoulwandering]

I agree with what has already been said... These group exist for this purpose. We are here to support each other because we understand what you are going through.

[JkBauer]

Hello,

Welcome! This is a great starting point here. There are a lot of people here who have been where you are or are going through the same thing you are dealing with now. There is a great recovery program for this situation you are going through now- it is called "Celebrate Recovery" most of these programs are held at churches. - I hope you can find this video helpful and maybe find a program near you. I have been to this program it is very imforative and helpful. - This is the "Home Page Link that you can look into a search around and the bottom New Commers is a Youtube video of what it is about." Celebrate Recovery Homepage

PLAY ALL

Newcomers

Getting started in Celebrate Recovery3:52

VIEW FULL PLAYLIST (1 VIDEO)

[Scatteredtulips in reply to JkBauer]

Thank you so much! I’ll absolutely look into this, hopefully there is one near me😊

[JkBauer]

I hope so too! I am praying for you!

[Scatteredtulips in reply to JkBauer]

Thank you!!!

[Tara52]

I hope you are feeling better today. I have been in that shape many times unfortunately. I have some encouraging messages I listen to that helped some times and alot of prayer!🙏💗