Im just so tired

[coolkitty1934]

i dont know how i can deal with everything..the yelling, the disappointment , my failing grades, all i do is let people down i have nightmares so i dont sleep well and im just so very very tired all the time everything goes wrong and no matter how much i try i only make things worse..I dont know how much longer i can keep this up..im too scared of pain and death to end myself so instead i refuse food im too skinny and i feel sick all the time i deserve it though i deserve to suffer like this for all the pain i have put other people through people care about me i know they do but they shouldn't care about me caring about me only brigs pain and disappointment.everyone close to me is burdened my me and end up hurt im so sick and tired of everything why cant i just end it why do i have to be such a stupid coward.

[Roxylox]

Please talk to somone. You are worth more than grades. Life is about more than grades, keep posting

Please look after yourself, you are worth it.

[coolkitty1934 in reply to Roxylox]

everyone says that but i cant seem to believe it..

[Roxylox in reply to coolkitty1934]

Oh, believe it. It's true!

[coolkitty1934 in reply to Roxylox]

i wish i could i really do want to believe it but i just cant..

[Blueruth]

R u talking to someone?

[coolkitty1934 in reply to Blueruth]

yeah but i feel like a burden to them and nothing they say has helped..

[Blueruth in reply to coolkitty1934]

A burden to a health care professional? Give that idea up right now! They are a. Paid b. Chose to help people with challenges c. Chose because they like helping people! Keep reaching out. Nothing happens overnight.

[coolkitty1934 in reply to Blueruth]

well i have been seeing a therapist for going on 4-5 years now and nothing is changing if im not a burden to the therapist im being a burden to my family as they have to pay for the sessions when money is already tight then they have to pay for my medicine for adhd and antidepressant..

[Blueruth in reply to coolkitty1934]

You’re not a burden. If you feel it isn’t helping tell the therapist. It is your health not the therapist’s feelings that matters. Literally say you don’t think therapy is helping. I think you’ll find progress that way. If not it might be time for a new therapist. Your current therapist can help guide that decision too.

[coolkitty1934 in reply to Blueruth]

i have tried different therapist before

[Blueruth in reply to coolkitty1934]

Welcome to the world. You keep trying until you get it right. That’s how it is for everyone.

[coolkitty1934 in reply to Blueruth]

i feel a bit better now i had some good old kitty cuddles UwU

[coolkitty1934 in reply to Blueruth]

im sitting her trying not to cry as my kitty licks under my nose-it hurts but i dont want to stop it TT_TT

[Blueruth in reply to coolkitty1934]

😹 are healing too

[coolkitty1934 in reply to Blueruth]

hey do you watch anime?if so i need some suggestions on what to watch next

[Roxylox]

I know how tough it is when you are feeling so down, but l believe you can come back to good spirits. Perhaps try moving your body to walk.They say if you move the body first, the head will follow. That can actually work- even a little movement.

[coolkitty1934 in reply to Roxylox]

walking makes me lightheaded and weak

[Blueruth in reply to coolkitty1934]

All that means is you need to work at it. Sway to music as Roxy says. Simply sitting outside is good for your mind. How much screen time do you do? Too much will also make you depressed and lethargic.

[coolkitty1934 in reply to Blueruth]

i dont have a time i could really listen to music and practically all my school work is online now so yeah-

[Blueruth in reply to coolkitty1934]

Don’t have time to be outside? That’s not true I promise. You could be outside right now typing this post. Surely you take breaks. My job is online all day… probably longer than yours. I really mean screen time outside school but yeah… I think having *all schoolwork online is a mistake. It suggests you aren’t experiencing things like drawing or playing an instrument. I had a physics teacher who literally had us move to demonstrate motion. These are things that help you learn and keep you engaged.

[coolkitty1934 in reply to Blueruth]

well it is cold outside and i hate cold but yeah school is still not done with online stuff implemented during NTI

[Blueruth in reply to coolkitty1934]

It is getting warmer now so that reason can’t last long ☀️

[coolkitty1934 in reply to Blueruth]

not here still around 30 degree weather with wind

[Blueruth in reply to coolkitty1934]

I give you an A for tenacious.

[coolkitty1934 in reply to Blueruth]

i wear multiple layers and sleep with heating pad along with a couple blankets so yeah

[Blueruth in reply to coolkitty1934]

I hate the cold too. A cold nose is my biggest pet peeve. However it shouldn’t stop you from going outside and walking. The right clothing fixes it.

[Roxylox]

Just even little hand movements thenMove or sway to music perhaps

[Existing]

It sounds like you think caring about you has to be earned by your successful performance. The beauty is that's not true. True caring is not dependent on your success or failure, and even though you dont feel like you deserve it, caring is something everyone is worthy of.

There are times in life when everyone goes through good and bad times, times when we are more capable and others when we cant seem to do anything right. But that doesnt determine our ability to care about others, or to be cared about. People want to help in the bad times, so dont feel like such a failure. Just do your best, and remind yourself that you're not a failure at EVERYTHING. I know its uncomfortable during those times you cant seem to succeed, but that's when you need to how to be compassionate to yourself, to accept the parts you're not proud of. Because, guess what -- we ALL have those sides and those times. That's when you learn humility, when you recognize your weaknesses without letting them define you. Trust me, you have passions in your life that are yours to be fulfilled, maybe just not right now. Hold on to time, let it move you through changes. You got this.