I'm tired

[_Mr_Nobody_]

This is my first time posting. I came across this site in this week and I'm wishing anyone reading this well on their journeys through life.

This is more just venting.

People say it's okay to not be okay, they say that depression isn't something to be ashamed about but it's like people still expect you to be like everyone else who doesn't have the condition. I keep going through this where people say I can talk to them if I need someone to talk to, but then when I do so I hear that I'm a lot to deal with or that I'm too pessimistic and I need to learn to be more positive. I'm tired of going through that. It's fine for them to be like "don't be so hard on yourself, you have a mental condition" but then when my depression becomes an inconvenience I'm too mentally draining to be with. From now on I'm just going to do what I did for years, just pretend everything is great and I don't have anything wrong. I'm going to act like I don't wake up with a deep sadness, that I don't randomly cry out of nowhere.

I'm sure there are others here who went through the same thing. I just wanted to let that out since I dont have an outlet outside of talking to my therapist.

[Tealpillow]

Mr Nobody you are somebody to us. We understand what you are going through and I’m grateful you found our community. I hope you feel welcomed and stick around for all the good advice, venting, struggles, and successes.

I just have to say I literally feel the confusion and frustration seeping out of your words - they resonate with me completely. My mom and friend are always telling me to reach out when I’m struggling but it just doesn’t work like that for me. Growing up, I was the rock for my moms mental issues and was always there (willingly because I love her) but I feel like I can’t add to her stress by sharing my own. When I share with my husband he distances from me and makes comments that I’m crazy. For me, it’s safer to keep it to myself and pretend I’m okay. I use yoga, apps, and medication to help but it’s still hard because I’m still struggling.

Plus, when depression hits - the last thing I want to do is pick up the phone and talk. Or burden someone. It will make me paranoid on top of everything.

Sorry for the long vent without any suggestions on how to help 😔 Just want you to know you aren’t alone and we get it.

[_Mr_Nobody_ in reply to Tealpillow]

No need to apologise. I'm happy to have found this place.

That not wanting to be a burden can be a burden itself hey?

[Tealpillow in reply to _Mr_Nobody_]

Yes, absolutely!

[_Mr_Nobody_ in reply to Tealpillow]

How long have you been struggling?

[Tealpillow in reply to _Mr_Nobody_]

I was diagnosed with depression & anxiety when I was 27 years old but I’ve struggled with it since I was a kid. I’m usually resilient but the last 2-3 years have been debilitating (well, it feels that way).

[fauxartist]

I guess it's really about who you talk to about your depression and what it feels like, that's why this place is so great...it's a site full of people dealing with the same thing. They are more likely to listen and understand.

[Marysblue]

What you said is so true. People without depression don't get it. I think they have good intentions but they're selfish and they want you to just get better so they don't have to feel bad and when you don't they get frustrated. That's just my opinion.

[Weatherwoman in reply to Marysblue]

Exactly how I feel. I lost my Sig. Other seven mos. ago, and from the time he's passed & since, I find I need to keep most of my feelings to myself as all I get when I tell most family & friends is either, "it will get better," (truth is is even gotten worse as I miss him more & more), or they say things like think of something else (I try, but he's on my mind nearly all the time), or I get --Be more positive -it's life (Yeah, I know that, but tell that to my "broken" self), or they change the subject. So, it's better that I just "talk to the walls," as NO one really understand unless they have lost such a person like I have. I, also, suffer from Anxiety/depression (before he passed, it just got worse)! I am seeing (on line) a Grief Counselor, and have a Grief Support Group where I can have a place to express my grief so that is helpful. Well, I am venting & don't think I helped anyone; but, just know we are NOT alone & that in itself is helpful.

[Marysblue in reply to Weatherwoman]

Sorry for your loss. You are certainly doing all the right things that help.

[Weatherwoman in reply to Marysblue]

Thank you.

[MollyMarie in reply to Weatherwoman]

Grief can be so all consuming. I am trying to adjust thru it and I am handling it better as time goes by. Although there are days when Depression hits me like a Mac Truck. I really don't know why this is occurring like this. I have taken antidepressants for years and they help but maybe I am getting immune to them. This am I woke up in a very depressed state, and couldn't seem to get going. I finally got up. Then my little dog wanted to go out so I took her out and met a couple of people in passing. It was the best thing that could have happened. In talking to someone who was in the process of doing and learning, my depression subsided, and now I'm in the process of doing something for that person. I think I need to remember that getting my mind off myself and finding what I can do for someone else, is an answer of sorts. I hope this is a good idea for you and anyone else that needs it. I know (for sure) it is not easy to do things that distract one from one's depression, and I never know how long I can keep out of my depression and anxiety, probably until something occurs that throws me back. Take care of yourself and know you are not alone in this struggle. I have Faith which helps I hope you do too.

[Weatherwoman in reply to MollyMarie]

Thank you for your post --good suggestions to get out of "ourselves," and do something for someone else. I know that I am Too "into" my Own Bad thoughts, and my Own grief too much of the time, and seem "stuck" on it --knowing this, & trying to change this isn't easy! I, too, am on an anti-dep., but I am thinking it's not working well anymore! However, I have had much Stress especially in the last three years, and so I think my depression is a result of All the Stress. Now, my living situation is Stressful on top of the grief so it's No wonder that I feel depressed a lot of the time. I envy that you have Faith as that is SO important. I have some faith, but Not enough --must work on that! We are Not alone --many going through such losses as we have. Seems like you are coping best you can.

[Thankfulforhelp22]

Welcome to this site (I'm going to call you Mr. Somebody because you matter). Sometimes it is hard to relate how depression affects you and it is true people often don't understand or feel like you will bring them down. Perhaps you can find others who struggle as you do and can relate. Maybe your therapist can suggest a support group or something similar where you could meet people in person.

Again, welcome. There are good and decent folks here.

[_Mr_Nobody_]

As someone who struggles with social anxiety. I'm much more comfortable talking online than in person.

[Geodog]

hi, I have gone through many years of this. I found a psychotherapist who I connected with, and made some progress. Then I had to move, and start all over. I went thru many psychotherapists that either did not care about what I was telling the, or gave me a “recipe” that would get me out of depression. The last guy actually told me he didn’t care if I ever had another panic attack. I finally found a guy I can relate to and we connected well. I found him by looking for someone who specializes in trauma, ptsd, and how it’s all connected. Sorry to ramble, but I wanted to encourage you to continue to search. Ignore those who tell you to cheer up or put on your happy face. You can get out of depression, but not by thinking about it or willing it to be.