Insignificant and invisible and tired

[Against_the_current]

Okay so my roommate scolded me for not arranging the dishes but left the other roommate bring a friend here. The other one didn't even ask me. I'm nobody. Miss social needs company i guess. And that company is more important than our peace. I'm gonna be going to Grandma's with mom and sis and i won't be rested. Who cares? Nor my roommates, nor my family care. But when i go to Grandma's, get overwhelmed and triggered, nobody understands, i'm gonna blow up. I'm gonna blow up. I can't stand for myself. I just keep this bitterness inside. I can't tell her what to do. She's dumb. Playing music loud rn. Asking just the other roommate. Socializing with her. I'm sorry im so traumatized that i'm a bad company. Basically im nobody here. Still better than what i was at home. My "friends" are in this city and won't even go out. I'm alone, insignificant and left out. Always i have to change, instead of them being more thoughtful. The thing in bulgaria is that most people are some new Type of dumb and intrusive and i'm sensetive and mannered. Now excuse me i'm going to kill her because this song is the top of bulgarian bullshit, plus triggering memories of mom's abuse. But Who cares about me

[Hidden]

I care!! I know what you mean, though, and I'm sorry you're made to feel like that.About the blowing up part: does journaling/having conversations with inanimate objects help prevent this from happening? It does for me. Something about getting it down on paper/raging to something diffuses the anger. For example, my shower got read the riot act today. Poor thing didn't even do anything. I felt so much better after raging at it.

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Thanks and that's a good idea. I need to find some way to get it out but i'm used to keeping it in

[Against_the_current]

My roommate is now crying and won't let me comfort her. I guess i will leave her alone, i Respect that. Probably the other one will Come and she's gonna pour it all on her

[Hidden]

See below- Great People Here Huh? All for u ...so lets get some projects or somting to think about...i plan about things when i have no money no resources and everythingt is falling apart...planning is free....like trip ...where shall we go..who shall we invite? or tell me about ur interests or history or the war ....agree better to vent5 he3.....can be tough with some people nooooo lie.....thanks for the mail.....ur helpin me....(just home from 12 boiling hot work.....but not in ur shoes thats for sure - take care u have lots of friends here) ...

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Appreciate it. And yeah, That's a nice idea for cheering up. Only that i really want to go on what i plan

[Hidden in reply to Against_the_current]

ur in the driver seat alll the way...........i dont like when people make plans or tell me...etdc soooooooo thats not my style.......on the other hand...i know how alone alone alone ane without notin ane not a soul to contact.....doesnt have to be me.......as long as u dont feel ungodly alone.....its totally ur life ur decsions......

in the army ....bunker buddies keep each othe45 going and why its done that way....human nature....doesnt have to be me....lots great people here much better than me.......i need cheering up too ande thats what my rfriends help me do........

see what u think of this group

music.youtube.com/watch?v=8...(Not working as expected?)

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

I can't even proceed rn. I'm mad rn

[Skjones]

I know how that goes just breathe.

[Against_the_current in reply to Skjones]

Trying 😭

[Skjones in reply to Against_the_current]

Room mates suck but maybe let them know about what's going on and set some boundaries

[Against_the_current in reply to Skjones]

Maybe but i don't feel adequate rn

[Fastbeat22]

I can definitely relate to the roommate situation. I'm in a tough situation, after having cancer and two strokes five years ago my life has been in a complete shambles. As a result of the stroke I don't have use of my left hand and arm so I can't go back to being a medical coder like I was before and I've struggled to find a job. While I was in the hospital on life support for 4 months lost everything I had including my home my car my job my Independence. Crazy how you can lose everything in the blink of an eye. One day you're living your life and less than 24 hours you're left with nothing. I've been living with my roommate for almost a year now and though she's been a blessing letting me live here at times I do feel like I'm walking on eggshells. I had two interviews this past Friday so praying one of those jobs will come through hopefully enough to make enough money where I can get a small apartment and move out and be more independent plus she doesn't understand my struggle with anxiety and depression. Basically tells me I just need to get over it. Can be so frustrating and disappointing at times. I'm just trying to stay faithful that this is all part of God's plan and one day I will be rewarded. So please hang in there I know God has something better for you in the future.

[Against_the_current in reply to Fastbeat22]

I'm sorry you're through this. Rn she's scolding me again

[Against_the_current]

She's scolding me again. Stupid bitch, doesn't she know i already have it hard? But noo, she has it harder. She's freaking Katara. Acts like freaking Katara (from Avatar : the Last airbender). I'm here to recover from my mom and she's the same. I have no nerves. Irl i'm quiet and never insult, That's why here i lose it because otherwise i will go insane. I will go to Grandma's at 8th and go insane. Why can't they stop scolding me? I'm freaking 22

[Hidden]

Three people is really hard. It's so easy for someone to feel left out. It always seems to end up in a triangle. Can you go for a walk and just get out of the dynamic for a while? Go to the park, bring a book or your music. You can't change them, but you don't have to be stuck in the house with them.

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Yeah, i just get really lonely and scared. Thanks for the idea