I am new here and just posting to reach out to anyone who can relate to my struggle with depression. I am a single, 60 yr old woman, divorced and living alone. Life hasn't always been good to me, but they say you learn from this.
I started menopause about 7 yrs ago and dealing with the aging process, which I am realizing is such a difficult phase in my life. I work full-time in a job that is fast-paced and stressful. I am renting and on a strict budget. I write poetry and recently started writing again as I'd like to publish a poetry book one day.
I struggle with depression because I am not where I thought I'd be at this stage in life. It gets so exhausting to keep on trying and trying. Perseverance is said to prove beneficial. I truly have given my all and maybe it's my age, but I am so tired.
I have taken advantage of some free counseling through my employer but it ran out in December. I had to start a treatment program for chronic low back pain so I've been squeezing in these appointments around my work schedule. It was something I had to do as I was tired of being in pain 24/7. It has give me relief and I will take it to the end. Once I am better I will go back to my counseling, which started over in January, another 10 free sessions, 60 minutes each.
Hoping to be able to interact with those who can relate to my situation. Thank you for reading.
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JazzyCat730
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so sorry you’re going through depression, I am struggling with it too. Something that helps me is reminding myself that thoughts and feelings are not reality- there IS still goodness and opportunity in the world and life IS a gift. Today is all you have- so do something fun. Hope you start feeling better soon
I agree that there is goodness around us. Thank you so much for that reminder that feelings are not reality. Need to remind myself of that more often. Feelings can sometimes be all consuming and tend to take over rational thinking.
I'm sorry you are struggling. We are here to support you.
I hope you can get back to your therapy soon. You can attend monthly and supplement that knowledge with some self help books, pod casts etc and add in some coping skills that work for you
Appreciate your suggestions. I enjoy pod casts about the universe and other interesting topics. I will also check out pod casts on depression and mental health. Sometimes just seeking help is good because you don't feel so isolated.
Oh yes, I love the pod casts! It is entertaining and being I love learning new things I enjoy them. It's stimulates my thinking and, as you said, distracts me so I don't focus on the things that bring me down 😊
Me and my mum are going to a over 5ossocialising class at the library,they do day trips out, do you have somewhere maby you can check this out in your area 😊
Actually, my local library offers free classes.....all types - reading classes, art classes, senior classes. I did sign up for one but it got cancelled but will be looking at more. I can't do day trips as I still work full time Monday through Friday but I can probably schedule one on a day off as I do get vacation days.
Hello I can relate I'm approaching 6o and on HRT have you considered hormones it slows the ageing process down mentally and physically somewhat helping keep our hormones there well not such a drastic decline, it's helped my brain fog hot flushes summer was a nightmare, anxiety not as bad, I recently bought some collogen tablets they have made a difference to my friends who don't take HRT, check with doctor if it's safe for you, I found swimming helpful helped my depression couple summers ago and as I'd been tending to drink for a anxiety relief, too many nights too often I knocked it on the head totally with swimming I became very health foccused, released natural seretonin, I'm starting again soon, it's not easy coming to terms with changes physically and mentally during menopause and the transition phase, and been a OAP and worst still the law changes in uk state penshion i wont even get a free bus pass ☹️i find gardenning and growing pretty flowers and nature walks makes me happy through this often grim time,all we can do is slow it down with self care and embrace the transition phase with a positive attitude accepting it's part of life and we can still look and feel good, we are wiser and who'd want to be a teenager again, think ourselves lucky we're still fairly young and not 7o or 8o with the problems that come then,have you tried heat pads for your back, I realise on watching my mother struggling and my father who's now 🌈 🤗💛✨🌻
Hello TwinklySunflower. Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I have thought about HRT but I'm a bit afraid as cancer runs in my family (my mom passed from breast cancer). I know family history doesn't predict 100% but my GYN did discuss some of the risks. I'm still on the fence. There are things that provide an escape for me. Nature is wonderful. I LOVE trees, all types and the tall ones mesmerize me. I work in an area surrounded by lots of beautiful trees so when the weather is nice I take a walk during lunchtime and if it's breezy I'm aware of how the trees sound as the wind blows. That time is coming soon. It is starting to warm up here (USA, East Coast). I have tried heat on my back and it doesn't help that much but I go for acupuncture and physical therapy, which is teaching me to strengthen my core. It's helping and the acupuncture is amazing. I am fortunate to have health insurance through my employer that pays for this! I like your options for helping anxiety, the swimming. I can't swim...never learned but wished my mom had taught me when I was younger. I did take swimming lessons as an adult and couldn't get past a bad experience I had where I almost drowned. But I enjoy those classes. Writing is therapeutic for me (I write poetry) and I'd like to publish a book one day so slowly working on that. I'll check with the doc on collagen tablets. Ah yes! The wisdom that comes with aging. Definitely a positive Thank you for that reminder. Wishing you a great day and weekend.
Hi and welcome, I'm 61 year old female married and I no longer work due to this depression anxiety disability. I see a therapist every Wednesday and I'm starting to think she and I have reached the end. I go in and talk for an hour and she doesn't really get to say much because I don't shut up long enough for her to give me any advice. I also have problems with memory so I have to bring a notebook to write down what she tells me. My biggest problem right now is the morning anxiety. I wake up with it every single day. It's horrible. It's like someone gave me a shot of adrenaline. I'm trying to do the breathing exercises but I guess I'm not doing it right because it's not helping. Oh, I wanted to mention the when I had menopause I took Estroven, got it at Walmart. It helped. I hope you have a good day today.
Hi Barbloki. The morning anxiety sounds awful, so sorry you go through that. Do you talk about this in therapy? You say the therapist doesn't say much. I know everyone is different but do you think your talking is therapeutic? Sometimes it's good to vocalize what's in our heads. If I walk around with some things I don't discuss it becomes a heavy weight. Writing down things is good. Do you also journal or is this only for therapy sessions? Thank you for the suggestion on Estroven. I haven't tried it but I will. I've tried other holistic approaches that didn't help. Wishing you a good day as well, thank you.
Hi JazzyCat, I do talk to my therapist every week about this morning anxiety and she has given me lots of suggestions but nothing is working. It could be the meds I'm taking and I can't change that until I see the new psychiatrist on March 18. I'm also starting DBT therapy (dialectic behavioral therapy) on March 11 which my therapist thinks will help me. I'm willing to do anything at this point. I can't keep living like this. I don't journal on paper but I do have a document on my computer, like a diary, where I type things. Maybe I should try writing on paper, the old fashioned way. I wonder if it would make a difference. Do you write things on paper? Do you go back and read it later to see what you wrote? I went back and read my whole diary document on my computer and it stirred everything all up again, all the memories, etc. There's something seriously wrong with my brain.
Yes, it could be the meds as you never know how they will affect you. See how it is with your new meds. You mentioned some breathing exercises that haven't worked so well. I wonder if you can do the breathing not just when you feel the anxiety but throughout the day...? Not sure if you've tried that. I'm feeling that there could be certain things to do even before the anxiety hits in the morning. Not sure if your therapist suggested this. Journaling and writing things down (on the computer or by hand) can trigger you if you go back and read it. I do write things down but I do it by hand and you bring up an interesting point of whether it's a different experience handwriting vs. typing. My first thought was that it would be the same because it is our feelings/emotions, etc we are jotting down but then when I stopped and thought about it the handwriting seems more personal, more a part of you because it's your handwriting and we all have such distinctive handwriting. You can also be expressive with your handwriting I feel and do what you want on that blank page. Not sure if that makes sense. Maybe don't go back to read it if it brings stuff back to you. I do remember a time in my life where I kept a diary and then I threw it away after it was filled. In a way, it was cleansing.
I don't think there's anything wrong with your brain as those written words take you back and trigger memories. This is normal. Our brains are loaded with all sorts of memories, good and bad, and will surface at any time. I can be in a grocery store and a product on the shelf will take me back to my childhood or remind me of a loved one that passed. Life is not easy, but it helps to continue to reach out for help and support.
Thank you Jaguar8babyface. As a young woman I always thought the later years would be better than they are but I have acknowledged and accepted that the life I have now is the life I must deal with....to the best of my ability. Although I get into a dark place at times I still continue to move forward with things I feel will help me. But it's tough! I yearn every day for some things I can't have right now, but that doesn't mean I won't ever have it. Never being married or having children is okay in my eyes. We are all free to do what we want with our lives. I can't say marriage did anything good for me but that's just my experience (I'm divorced) so if I had to do it over again I may have chosen not to. I wish all the best for you as well.
Now that I know HOW to do the breathing I will do it before bed, upon waking, and all throughout the day. I found out today that I've been doing it wrong by breathing deep into my chest instead of my stomach. I can already feel a difference by breathing deeply into my stomach instead of my chest. Do you do deep breathing or meditation? I'm just now learning how to do it. I wish I had learned years ago. Maybe I wouldn't be in this condition. Oh well. Better late than never. right?
Hi Barbloki, I am so glad you've learned how to do the breathing exercises. I haven't done breathing exercises, but I have heard about the benefits. I have tried meditation once when they were offering free classes at my local library. It was interesting and deeply relaxing. The challenge for me was to quiet my thoughts.
That is my problem too, quietly my thoughts. I have no control over my brain these days. I'm reading a book about anxiety right now and it describes me perfectly: I get stuck in the trap of "what ifs" and I'm always "mind reading" and assuming what someone is thinking about me which is usually something negative. I tell myself negative things all the time. It's all in the brain, this anxiety and depression crap. I hate it.
50 Ways to Rewire Your Brain by Catherine M. Pittman, MD. And yes, it is very helpful but overwhelming because it is pointing out all the issues I have and I'm overwhelmed with the "homework" I have to do. But as they say, nothing changes if nothing changes.
Working on ourselves is VERY difficult. I've been in classes where they say to verbalize nice things to yourself in the mirror. Sounds easy, but the words don't come and some of my "mental" talk is negative too. I decided on baby steps. Instead of all the positive fluff I have given myself grace and allow myself to do things in my own time. If I can't manage today then tomorrow is a new day.
I understand about the "mind reading" as I've experienced that too and, yes, what we think others are thinking is often negative. I find myself shocked when someone tells me something good about myself. It never occurred to me that perhaps those I come in contact with ARE thinking nice things about me.
I appreciate your reply too and you are SO right about people who struggle with depression being strong. It takes an incredible amount of strength to acknowledge it and reach out to talk about it. In addition, we have to walk with it for however long it lasts and still try and go through our daily activities, which can be agony because just taking a shower takes a lot of energy. Yet, we keep moving even if it's slow. I never understood why we go to doctors whenever we are not well physically, but when our mind/brain isn't well.....somehow, some people feel embarrassed or ashamed.
My divorce nearly destroyed me, but I survived it and I'm still standing.
I am fortunate to have my 2 children, who are adults now but when my youngest son was in his senior year of high school (during my divorce), he didn't know this but he is the reason I am here today. I was on the brink but I couldn't leave my children because they didn't deserve that.
Yes, we do have to be thankful for what we have and it's helpful to think about this as it helps us even in depression. I am thankful for my health, my job, my children, friends and my resilience.
My mom is same. Proud of you for seeking help instead of drinking and abussing everyone. I'm just going through a break up and i see a fraction of how divorce broke you guys. My heart bleeds for you. It's really hard when you didn't imagine yourself there. Proud of you for your job. Hugs, you feel so warm
I am so sorry about your break up. One thing I can say is....while you're in it, it feels like the worse thing ever. As the years go by, you realize in retrospect that it really wasn't. We are so resilient....all of us. We struggle and then we bounce back. I once read something about trees and how they get rid of their dead leaves because there's no use for them. They stand tall and bare in the winter and then blossom when Spring comes. Our lives are made up of seasons too.
We get one chance at life and I will admit sometimes it is the hardest thing to remain positive and active. I do give myself the time to "just be" when I'm not feeling particularly motivated. On days when I am motivated, I enjoy being productive.
I hope you are getting the support you need and don't forget about self-care. So important now.
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The pod casts you listen to sound great for getting out of your head. That's a great distraction and probably very calming. 
Social anxiety and running out of things to say
Can’t socialize and have trouble reaching out to anyone 
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