I'm new, have never reached out before.

I'm not new to depression, I've had it most of my life. However right now I don't think I have ever felt more down or alone. I'm doing my best to keep my head above water but I guess I'm just putting this out here to know that I'm not alone. I can't stop shaking or crying, my chest is so heavy I feel like I'm carrying a cinder block. I want to take control of my life I just can't seem to see my way out.

[Hidden]

I just joined this forum, too. I am not one to reach out to others when I am depressed or anxious. I tend to hold it all in until I explode, so I commend you for reaching out. It is extremely brave of you. I can assure you that you are not alone. Right now there are at least a couple hundred other people feeling that darkness that you are feeling right now. I, for example, was one of those people. I have been in such a dark place before that I felt as though killing myself would be easier than living through another day. I can tell you that it DOES get better. It isn't an overnight thing and it is hard as hell to overcome, but you absolutely can do it. My advice is to let others help you through this. Lean on them and know that it is OKAY to ask for help. You don't have to/shouldn't go through this alone. Message me if you need to talk more. Sending positive vibes your way. <3

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. I wan to be proactive, I don't want to give in to this hopeless feeling. Hence why I did fight my instinct to retreat into myself and instead reach out to this forum for help/support. Are there things you did/do that are helpful for you?

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Depression is something that I deal with more often than I would like to. When it is at its worst, though, I give myself time to be sad/numb/angry/whatever emotion I am feeling at the moment. It is okay to let yourself hide away for a little bit and heal. I know most people will probably not agree with this tactic, but there is something healing about letting yourself realize that it is OKAY to not feel okay all the time. It does not make you weak or less of a person. Depression is a monster that can make you feel small and worthless the moment it rears its ugly head. So, after you give yourself a day or however long you need to hide away, download a free meditation app. Making yourself get up and refocus your mind to something else like meditation has helped me a lot. Open a window and let the sun in, go for a walk, write down all the things you are feeling in a journal...and I mean everything....even if it just turns in to an angry scribble of words. Getting my thoughts or frustration on to paper for my eyes only to see has helped me get through some of my darkest moments. Reaching out to family and friends that I am close to is also a huge help for me. Depression runs in my family, and I am blessed to be surrounded by a great support system that has helped me in more ways than I can count. If you are not close to your family or don't have people you can open up to about your depression, then finding forums like this filled with people who have gone through/are going through things like you is crucial. (So, once again, good for you for reaching out!!!) Sorry I have been rambling, but I hope this post has helped you. Please remember you are NOT EVER alone. If anything, you have me!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Everything you just wrote about was far from rambling and everything towards helpful. I am for sure going to begin meditating (something that has been on my mind for some time now), as well as work on a journal. Sometimes getting outside is the hardest thing for me but I know when I have forced myself I almost immediately feel the positive effects of the sun on my face. Depression runs in my family as well. My mom passed away when I was just 8 years old and I think I've carried that loss my entire life. I do have a wonderful brother who is very supportive. Sometimes I just feel like I don't want to burden him. Or make him worry about me. Talking to someone who can empathize though in just a few short paragraphs has already made a difference for me. I can't thank you enough and hope it's ok if I continue to reach out in the future.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Well I am so very happy I could help-even if it wasn't much! I can only imagine how painful the loss of your mom was/is. It sounds to me like you are much stronger than you give yourself credit for. I can totally relate to you about your brother, though. No one in my nuclear family deals with depression, so I oftentimes feel like the difficult/needy one of the family. It is nice to have someone who can relate to you. Of course, please feel free to message me whenever! I may take a little while to respond at times, but know I am always here.

[Shutterfly]

Reaching out and talking to others who deal with depression is helpful. I’ve dealt with depression since I was a teen. A few years ago I met an Olympic Medalist who struggled with depression and decided to tell her story through an autobiography. It really helped me to read her book. It also made feel like sharing my story let other people know that they are not alone.

[Hidden in reply to Shutterfly]

Would you mind sharing the title or name of the athlete with me? I'd like to read the book if you felt like it was beneficial to you. Thank you for responding, its really comforting to know there are others out there.

[Shutterfly in reply to Hidden]

Yeah of course Check out Open Heart, Open Mind by Clara Hughes

goodreads.com/book/show/253...

[Hidden]

I know how hard asking for help can be. I struggle with that constantly but have found in a super short amount of time a solid community of folks here willing to talk and help. Do try and find the strength to talk to your doctor. My experience with the medical field has been positive thus far. Ultimately they are there to help and have your health in mind. Sending strength your way.

[Hidden]

Mental health is often covered by most insurance plans these days. It's definitely worth looking into. A lot has changed since the 90's on that front.

[Sillysausage234]

Your not on your own and good you’ve joined to talk about it🙋🏻‍♂️