Reaching out for support!

[mo9012]

I apologize for this second post but I’d like to elaborate a bit! My name is Mo. I’ve had anxiety for about ten years. I also have had emetophobia, or an extreme fear of vomiting, for about ten years as well. I was on 20mg Celexa for a year-ish and it worked wonders. Unfortunately I had a breakdown around Christmas after missing a month of medication and getting copper toxicity poisoning from a medical implant. Since then I have been experiencing weekly if not daily panic attacks lasting between half an hour and two hours. I took a semester off of college to recuperate. I’ve had many ups and downs but the last few weeks have been better as I’m going to a wonderful therapist and my Celexa dose has been doubled. Anxiety is still a very big part of my life and I’m still experiencing panic attacks, so I’m looking for support and also for people that I may be able to support myself!

[Marshall64]

Do you think that missing your medicating for a month contributed to your anxiety? I have had bad experiences with when quitting meds cold turkey. I think it was Celexa that gave me "brain zaps" when quitting that med. If you are not familiar with brain zaps you can Google it.

[mo9012 in reply to Marshall64]

I never did experience brain zaps but I do believe quitting the medication cold turkey contributed to the breakdown.

[MESAGE in reply to mo9012]

I too quit citalopram 20 mg cold turkey. Huge mistake. Huge! A week of suicidal ideology hell. I started it up again at 2x dose (40mg) and have been surprisingly great ever since - year plus - despite experiencing life changing personal tragedies. So basically, for me, this drug really works. Hope you find your ideal med/dosage too ❤️

[mo9012 in reply to MESAGE]

It’s really nice to hear you got back on track. I was upped to 40 too, it’s been two or three weeks since I started that dose though and I don’t feel too different. Worried it won’t work but maybe it needs more time?

[old-soul]

Hi Mo. I feel badly that your first lost didn't garner you mkre of a response. I'm very new here, but have really appriciated what I have found here. Isn't it wonderful to be validated when people talk about their own difficulties and it immediately brings a, "YES, THAT'S IT. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS TO ME!" response? It is for me anyhow.

Of course I don't love the fact that others have suffered the same way I have, but I've also suffered a lifetime of misunderstanding from otherwise good folks, and that never feels very good.

It's not their fault, they just don't get it, and sometimes it frustrates people. A word of advice . . . help given by people who are frustrated because they don't understand what's happening to you is rarely very helpful. lol

Panic attacks are nothing short of hell on earth. I honestly believe that the peer-based support found here is a great frontline way to cope with the awful effects. The attacks in and of themselves are awful enough, but the after effects can be tough too.

I hope you keep coming around, and keep reaching out for support, because I am certain that if you do, you will get just that. I will keep an eye out for you around here, and also let you know that, when I read posts, I sometimes don't know quite how to respond, but I still hear what was said, and I still empathize very deeply. In thise instances, I ALWAYS say a prayer that the person concerned can knkw peaceful contentment in their heart. That is my prayer for each and every one of us, No, myself included.

[mo9012 in reply to old-soul]

I love getting responses like this. It’s so wonderful to not feel alone; to feel like I have support from people as wonderful as you! Thank you for putting a smile on my face. I will definitely stay active in this discussion for now. I’ll keep my page updated with progress Thank you so much, I really appreciate your response!

[old-soul]

Oh my goodness Mo. Listen, I don't have quite the same symptomology that you do, and therefore am very careful not to pretend OR give the APPEARANCE of trying to pretend I have been 100% where you have with it, though I have been close. I have more of a generalized and social anxiety related to abuse, so, my anxiety is more of anlong-term thing I guess you could say, although getting blind-sided by a narcissistic personality (like my father is) can take me from perfectly serene to OMG!!!! in the twinkling of an eye.

When someone tries to fake real understanding of exactly where I've been and what I've seen, my BS detector sounds immediately. I am pretty certain your condition and mine have some very real differences, and I don't mind telling you that. That does not mean I do not believe what is going on with you is real. I DO! It also does not mean I can not be supportive. I CAN! It's just that, one of the BEST ways I can be supportive is to know exactly when to say, "I don't know."

Are you laughing? I am, but under the laugh is also the experience of having had countless people try to force unsolocited, "just snap out of it," advice, and invariably they also insist they have experienced my exact symptoms when it is all too plain that they most certainly have not. They actually believe that if the lie about it loudly enough it will convince me. {sigh}

So, yes, I know the feeling. I also believe that the source may be a little different in my case, though no less awful.

You responder back awfully fast, which has me wondering, are you okay right now?

[mo9012 in reply to old-soul]

You’re so wonderful! Luckily my mother, who is my main support system, encourages me to get better every day and listens to me to understand how I’m feeling. It’s so difficult because every person’s mental illness is a little different, but she supports me and loves me and doesn’t pretend to understand more than she does.

I responded quickly because I was nervous about falling asleep and I thought I could take some comfort in this group. This will be the third night in a row I woke up to a panic attack around 3am. I am getting over it right now and hopefully will get some sleep so I can feel up to going out and meeting my potential therapy kitty in the morning. I can handle panic attacks, as awful as they are, but I don’t know why they’re coming for me at night now when I’ve had such good days! It’s infuriating.

[old-soul]

:/ Have you been spying on me? I actually JUST got my days and nights flipped back around. I was having some serious PTSD dreams and not sleeping right at all. I've been waking up between 1 and 3am, rattled like a tambourine and wide awake for several hours for the past several weeks, and what's more, you are the third or fourth person I have heard or seen that has been like a perfect copy of that. 3:00am has been the most common time I was waking up.

Weird, hu?

Well, lime I say, I don't WANT pepole to be able to understand tbe awful bunk I've been through by their own experience, because I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but it is helpful to know I am not alone. It's also helpful that I read about pepole having some real success in getting well too, because that is a serious shot of hope, so, I hope my letting you know that my sleep has been a lot better the past two nights gives you some real hope too.

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers for sure. I'm glad you foind your way here. Heck, I'm glad I found MY way here too!

[mo9012 in reply to old-soul]

Maybe the moon’s full or something! I’m glad your sleep has been better. It’s hope for me that mine will be too. Thank you for the prayers, I’ll do the same for you❤️

[spedteach]

Phew! that sounds like quite the challenge. I have endured depression and anxiety for over 41 years. I have had counselling since that time. I am willing to chat if you need someone. Spedteacher