Social anxiety and running out of things to say

[mentalhealthandme]

Something thats been a struggle my whole life is my social anxiety. I noticed when having conversations I try to be a good listener, but I never have anything to say back. Sometimes I do have something to say but I can't speak. It's like I just can't get the words out. My quietness tends to make others uncomfortable around me or they may think I'm disinterested. I don't know why but I just don't have anything to say. I do try though to say something so I'm not being rude. It's usually just a wow, oh nice, or a nod. But speaking is a struggle. It feels like a force is stopping me like I'm afraid how I'll sound. My words tend to come out sounding monotone. My face expressionless. So I'll try to mimick a facial expression. I think this is called the flat effect. Anyway does anybody else struggle with this disorder and know how to overcome it? I just want to be able to express myself and speak for once

[Kevo1]

Hi. I can relate to what you are saying in sort of way. I'm. OK speaking to people, especially strangers, my problem is actually in work place in front of people. I completely panic trying to perform Any task no matter how trivial, unless I'm comfortable with the people around me, as in I trust and know them. Either way it's like yourself, absolutely horrific. Wishing you good luck in your efforts to overcome it.

[bonkers65]

I know where you're coming from. I have pretty bad social anxiety too, so when I have to speak to a stranger I just try to fake it. Sometimes don't do a good job.

[Gillyflower18]

Oh yes I have this true. I run out of things to say quickly because my life is so different from the people around me. I glaze over (flat effect) and I can see people notice it. It’s a very depressing feeling to have. You always feel like an outsider everywhere.

[catsrock]

I so get this. People love to talk about themselves, so maybe have a few open-ended questions in mind to keep the conversation going? Like - what led you to your job? Or where have you lived and how did you like each place? Tell me about really anything - your family, your town, your hobbies, etc... Hope that helps!

[Gillyflower18 in reply to catsrock]

Yes I do try to do this but the conversation usually dies anyway.

[mentalhealthandme in reply to Gillyflower18]

Yeah and eventually you need to move past small talk so it's difficult

[designguy]

I had social anxiety for years without really knowing what was going on with me. My suggestion is to try to find a therapist that specifically treats social anxiety and work with them. They will typically include new thinking and behavior skills, group therapy and exposure therapy. With social anxiety your perceptions of how people perceive you and how you perceive others is distorted. The reality is that most people are too busy with their own stuff to pay much if any attention to you. You may also be suffering from low-self-worth and even perfectionism as I was which is typical with those with social anxiety. You can help yourself by learning everything you can about it and also trying to determine why and how you developed it. There is a lot of good info on youtube about it you might check out Sebastian at Social Anxiety Solutions he seems to have a good program. There wasn't a therapist that specialized in treating it near me although I would have preferred working with one, so I did an online program with the socialanxietyinstitute.org which helped me some but I also had to learn how to constructively deal with anxiety itself and The DARE Anxiety book and youtube videos helped with that. You may also find medication beneficial temporarily, in my case it was Klonopin that helped me. You will go a long way if you improve your self-worth and learn to validate and accept yourself, that is what really started making a difference for me.

[mentalhealthandme in reply to designguy]

Thankyou I will try to check that out because there aren't any therapists treating it here. How can I get medication to help me too?

[designguy in reply to mentalhealthandme]

Typically from a psychiatrist or mental health professional depending on what state you live in and what the laws are in your state. I worked with a functional psych med practitioner who prescribed mine, which is allowed in my state. You could try your doctor although they usually don't know a lot about psych meds.

[designguy in reply to mentalhealthandme]

i wanted to add that I was dumbfounded a number of years ago to realize that the people I worked with really liked me and actually valued and enjoyed my company, I had thought the complete opposite for many years. It helped in my healing to change my perceptions about it.

[Gillyflower18]

Me too. This is the only place people understand except for my therapist. I’m really grateful for this group.

[trailmixup]

Hello! I have horrible social anxiety! It started in high school where I just sort of shut down and starved myself in some kind of subconscious effort to become invisible. I don't know how to make friends. I constantly feel like an outcast, especially at work. My coworkers laugh and talk about their kids and families. I have nothing to contribute. Or if I do try to join in the conversation, I will blurt out something random and feel like I interrupted everyone and ruined the whole vibe. The absolute WORST is when coworkers get up in my face and ask "why are you so quiet? What's wrong?" This makes me feel like even more of a freak. The only time I truly feel at ease is when I am alone. And then I self-medicated for years with drinking until I became a raging alcoholic and made a complete fool of myself. To this day I have no idea how to socialize sober. I feel trapped and alone most of the time. Sorry, I kind of started rambling there.....