So many people hurting here...I wish you all so much strength in turning things around. Just joined, hoping to find some new perspectives. I’ve never been diagnosed with anything...never actually been to a doctor about it though. I’ve struggled with many events in my life since I was about sixteen. I always believed I was just going through a series of life’s kicks in the groin. I’m 43 now and I realise that most probably all those years of feeling down, have shaped my way of thinking into something that now seems like depression and anxiety.
I wake up feeling on top of the world, usually lasts through the day, then in the evening time, I spiral into a dark dark place where my life and every thought is unbelievably negative. This builds into a state of panic as bedtime approaches. I wake up, and it’s as if I’m a different person.
Last night I went to bed early, and the kids woke me up. I shouted at them, and I know it’s because I was taking my anxiety and tension out on them, I’ve never done that before...I even made them cry. It felt like a tipping point....taking it out on my kids felt like a new low.
I live overseas, have few friends, little family, and many work worries. I rarely leave the house from where I work, and I know the isolation is a major issue - I’ve lived like that for the last fifteen years.
I know something has to change - last night showed me that. Guess that’s why I’m here writing this. Thanks for reading.