This is an experience I have had recently. My sister was housesitting for one of her friends and invited me to come stay. I am not currently employed so I got to stay with her for the week. It was fun, and I got to see some individuals but for group stuff that was towards the end of the week I couldn't attend because of my stomach issues.
First of all, I did have a good time but it was very muted. I feel emotionally fatigued so even when I do like something I don't really feel it all the way. This is unfortunate. But I was able to see a loved one and spend time with her so that is good.
But on the way back I started crying. I missed her even though we just spent a whole week together. The emotion in some sense was good because I was able to express this to her and we agree we want to spend more time together. But also, I was way more sad that it was over than happy it happened. I had a very hard time feeling happy that we spent the time together and my mind was just consumed by the fact that it was over now. I started having thoughts of maybe that I didn't take enough advantage of the time there. Or that because I was dealing with depressive symptoms and emotional fatigue that I had wasted time with my sister. My mom was telling me to focus on the happiness I had that I spent time there and not the sadness. But also, it wasn't something I was choosing. The emotion consumed my whole mind. I could acknowledge objectively that I had a good time but I wasn't able to make myself FEEL it. And my mom saying that made me think that perhaps more "healthy" people CAN choose their emotions? Is it possible? If so, how?
Has anyone experienced this? After something fun is over just this draining feeling? Has anyone ever been able to successfully cope with it?
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WaterMyMind
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mmmmm, I am sorry that you have all of this going on WaterMyMind. I don't think choose is the right word...
My favorite famous therapist David Burns talks about changing the way we think then changing the way we feel...but I don't think it is necessarily about choosing emotions. Happiness does not exist without sadness. I think for the most part it becomes how we think about ourselves and the emotions. You can try to "focus" on the good, but that doesn't mean the sad does not exist. It is a sad thing that you are more sad that it was over than happy that it happened. I think there is probably some processing that you could do there, and I think it is great that you are taking it as a signal to spend more time together. I think you will get some good responses here and I always recommend Burns' book "Feeling Great". I wish you peace on your journey☮️
P.S. I think that yes, often a vacation for me was followed by a depressive episode. Now I do much better acknowledging the sadness and not fighting it. It is probably a sad fact for many of us that a vacation might be an escape, then we have to "face reality". I think we need to get to an emotional state where we can accept the lows and ride them out.
I really appreciate your post and have been there. I feel like there is much wisdom to your question in the second paragraph of your post. In my early 20s, I would feel heart broken upon the goodbye to family members who came to visit me for a week or so as we all lived miles apart and as they would pack up their car and then drive away, the flood gates would break open and I would cry and my heart would hurt deeply. As I understand now depression and anxiety fills our bodies and minds with many symptoms even when we use medications/therapies to help manage the journey. For me it can feel like I’m stumbling through the fog and sometimes darkness, where I’m struggling to clearly see what is around me and therefore process what is true. I have heart felt sadness when a visit has ended with those I have a deep relationship and attachment with. These are people who love me and keep me grounded, people I have shared a connection and history with so this sadness makes sense to me. They are my people and I have a cemented connection with them that is forever. I have accepted I will feel pain when our visit ends and it’s ok because it means I’m human, I belong to their pack and they are my people. After the sadness, I can feel grateful for them and the time we share regardless what symptoms circle me. These people keep me glued into the world and feeling loved. Keep loving yourself, your peeps and look for the healing circle that surrounds you as you journey forward.
I guess I wish it didn't hurt so bad. I can majorly struggle with feeling the positive because the hurt gets too much in the way. Has there been anything you've done that has helped it out a bit?
For myself, I would have the biggest ugliest cry possible. It actually felt like my heart hurt. Then I would focus on pictures from the moments we had together and sometimes journal about the feelings of sadness if they kept breaking through. I would write and write until finally I had no more to say about the sadness and then move onto a neutral activity. I found once the sadness was out, it was so powerful and I could acknowledge that I would probably feel this again when they would visit. And again the process would happened but expected it and could follow through with my process of feeling and accepting it. Eventually the intensity lessened. I remember feeling sadness as they would drive away but felt knew it had worth because it meant it was a valuable relationship. Acceptance I guess.
I suppose that I could journal more. I feel like I get onto kicks of journaling and then I forget its a thing that I can do. I don't know why I always forget these techniques or how to remember them. Idk, I guess I am also sad about me feeling sad you know? It makes me feel cautious about doing fun things with people because of the emotional draining. I get that some sadness will be a part of it, but right now it feels more bitter than bitter sweet. Like, okay I am sad and I will be sad for a bit but then I'll remember the good stuff and not focus so hard on the bad. But I don't think I know how to do that properly.
Depression and anxiety have long been unwanted visitors- free loaders in my life. I think they stink but have accepted they had found a way into my life through environmental and genetic factors. With that I have learned there are many tools I can use to settle them down. Journaling is powerful and I have certainly used it at different times. I feel it’s like a bit of a dual and I decide which weapon or tool I need to use in order to keep D & A in check. The beauty is you have many tools to choose from and it will depend on what you think will work and if you need to change and try another one.
Exhaustion (memory) for me is also a symptom and I use a book as a major tool. I write many things in it and tab pages for quick reference. For example, a tab to activities that given me energy. Another tab for activities that will challenge and quiet the self critical voice in my mind that tries to make every thing about them. Another tab for self care, another for gratefulness. Another for my dreams and goals. I’m sure many people here on this chat could list activities in the their tool box that help. 🌹
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