I am new to this website, but I feel comforted to know that I am not alone in this battle. With that being said, (and I hope that did not make me sound selfish), I always feel empty and alone. No matter where I am or who I am with, there just always seems to be this space inside me that is never able to be filled.
My parents divorced when I was about nine years old, my dad is a very overprotective Christian who tries to shelter me from the world, while my mom is the complete opposite. My mom recently remarried to a man in the navy, he is nice but i am undoubtedly the odd one out in my family. Previous to my moms remarriage, i was an only child, but now i have an older sister and a younger sister.
In my house, my sisters are worshipped and privileged. I am an honor student, a varsity athlete, and participate in a lot of community service. My older sister makes horrible grades and parties uncontrollably, yet somehow i should be more like her. Despite my busy schedule, my mom and step dad expect me to be a maid for my sisters, who in no way deserve it. I consider myself to be a generous and helpful person, but i hate being taken advantage of. Because of this, i have lost so much interest and determination in keeping my grades up and old hobbies .
Recently, my closest group of friends noticed i was getting extremely sad and began to lock myself away. Instead of attempting to help me, as i have done to them countless times, they cut me off and began spreading rumors about me. This certainly did not help, and because of it i dread and fear the idea of trusting people, i do not understand how i could trust others when i can barely trust my family.
I have lost interest in doing things i used to love, and i have become hesitant to try new things, even as minor as listening to new music or reading a new book. I hate leaving my room, and of course my family always has something to say about it. I used to be such a happy and adventurous person, but now i am the complete opposite. it feels as though my heart is a cylinder block every time i breathe. i miss who i used to be, before my fear of letting people in, and my feelings of emptiness. I dont know what to do, i am so scared and feel so alone in life .
I am so sorry for the long post, best wishes to all in need of them.