Overwhelming Sadness

[rachelmargarita18]

Hi everyone,

I am new to this website, but I feel comforted to know that I am not alone in this battle. With that being said, (and I hope that did not make me sound selfish), I always feel empty and alone. No matter where I am or who I am with, there just always seems to be this space inside me that is never able to be filled.

My parents divorced when I was about nine years old, my dad is a very overprotective Christian who tries to shelter me from the world, while my mom is the complete opposite. My mom recently remarried to a man in the navy, he is nice but i am undoubtedly the odd one out in my family. Previous to my moms remarriage, i was an only child, but now i have an older sister and a younger sister.

In my house, my sisters are worshipped and privileged. I am an honor student, a varsity athlete, and participate in a lot of community service. My older sister makes horrible grades and parties uncontrollably, yet somehow i should be more like her. Despite my busy schedule, my mom and step dad expect me to be a maid for my sisters, who in no way deserve it. I consider myself to be a generous and helpful person, but i hate being taken advantage of. Because of this, i have lost so much interest and determination in keeping my grades up and old hobbies .

Recently, my closest group of friends noticed i was getting extremely sad and began to lock myself away. Instead of attempting to help me, as i have done to them countless times, they cut me off and began spreading rumors about me. This certainly did not help, and because of it i dread and fear the idea of trusting people, i do not understand how i could trust others when i can barely trust my family.

I have lost interest in doing things i used to love, and i have become hesitant to try new things, even as minor as listening to new music or reading a new book. I hate leaving my room, and of course my family always has something to say about it. I used to be such a happy and adventurous person, but now i am the complete opposite. it feels as though my heart is a cylinder block every time i breathe. i miss who i used to be, before my fear of letting people in, and my feelings of emptiness. I dont know what to do, i am so scared and feel so alone in life .

I am so sorry for the long post, best wishes to all in need of them.

[gogogirl]

Well welcome. I am here.

[rachelmargarita18 in reply to gogogirl]

Thank you

[ashes412587]

Rachel, I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I know it can be really hard when the people you need the most turn their backs on you. As hard as it is, real friends will never leave your side. Maybe this is a good opportunity to get to know other people who may be going through the same things you are. I remember when I was in high school I found people that I never knew where going through the same thing as me, and they felt alone too. I'm a lot like you and I start to shut people off because I care to much about everyone and not enough about myself...I always want to make everyone happy, its not possible. As for your family, hang in there! Have you tried talking to your mom about how you feel? Keep your head up.

[rachelmargarita18 in reply to ashes412587]

thank you so much for your reply, I really appreciate it. I've tried talking to my mom before, she just does not listen, but I do have a close family friend who has been helping me. Thank you for the advice, best wishes.

[Ddorne]

Rachelmargarita, it sounds like you are depressed. I know it well. You are retreating from friends and family and losing interest in things you used to enjoy. Get yourself to a Dr. As soon as possible. It can get worse. Tell your family you need a therapist and don't dare be ashamed of anything. If you had a broken arm you wouldn't ignore it. I have had depression before and I realize you need to treat it. You can get better. You may need to be on meds. That is ok. I and many of my friends are on meds and are successful people. Please don't wait on this. Talk to your Mom or whoever you can talk to.God Bless,

LD

[rachelmargarita18 in reply to Ddorne]

Thank you for the advice, I'm scared my parents will blame themselves for my feeling this way. However, I will seek a out professional advice. Thank you for replying, may God be with you always.