Sadness... uncontrolled weeping

[Lost_in_life]

Ever since my Mom died I have a real hard time dealing with my sister departing after visiting my Dad and me. I'm not sure why I'm writing this... I guess to just get it off my chest. Anyway, every time she leaves from a visit I have fairly uncontrollable episodes of weeping for several days. I know it's more "sadness" as opposed to "depression"... but it seems amplified by my depressed nature.

I wish I wasn't like this because it almost makes me dread how the endings of her visits are going to make me feel. I sort of start to feel guilty... like a part of me doesn't look forward to her visits because I know how I'm going to feel at the end. This time it upset me so much that I dreamed about my Mom last night, something I have't done since she died over two years ago.

I guess I should just be really grateful that we're close and that she takes time to visit Dad and me.

[Kat63]

Do you think it would be possible to talk about this to your sister and your dad?

When a family member dies, the family gets disrupted. The relationships change. I know this, because my mother died about 18 months ago.

Also, losing your mom has a profound effect on each of you, individually.

If you’re in therapy, I would definitely talk about this to the therapist. I think therapy would help you. I think I need more therapy than I’ve gotten; but what I’ve had has helped.

[Lost_in_life in reply to Kat63]

Thanks and sorry to hear about your mother. I can definitely talk about it with my sister. I have a... weird (?) situation with my dad. He doesn't really "do" emotional stuff. His range is pretty much neutral, happy and angry. In fact, I've only seen him cry at my mother's funeral. So, trying to talk about my sadness with him would just be sort of awkward and uncomfortable.

As for family disruption, I think the biggest change has been between my sister and me. I've come to rely on her much more for emotional support... but she lives pretty far away. I get to see her about four times a year, which is a little more than when my mom was alive.

I just started therapy (more like "restarted") last week. I'm definitely going to bring this up when I see my therapist on Friday, although there's a ton of other stuff to cover -- mostly various sources of anxiety.

[Celtic27]

Hi there its a shame that you are associating your sisters visits with your anxiety have you tried talking to her she maybe surprised you feel as you do! Do you think there is any chance you have depression an anxiety if so see your doctor it may help! Are you still having problems dealing with your loss of your mum if so councilling may help! I wish you all the best take care!

[Lost_in_life in reply to Celtic27]

Thanks. I DEFINITELY know I have depression and anxiety. I've been in and out of therapy for depression since my early 20s (54 now). I only developed severe anxiety over the last year. I'm on meds for both. I just started seeing a new therapist last week. (My former therapist, who I saw for 20 years, retired almost three years ago.) I don't think I'm having too much trouble with my Mom's passing other than just general grief; and, feeling like she would have added some support and encouragement over the anxiety I've dealt with over the last year.

[Celtic27 in reply to Lost_in_life]

Hi thanks for getting back to me you've had depression and anxiety for a long time same here! Its surprising how long depression can affect you! events in your life to have a bearing on your mental health! I lost my mum 6 years ago and I still cry when I think about her I used to be embarrassed about it but not any more it's a release when things get to much! I wish you all the best david.

[hypercat54]

Hi I am sorry you lost your mum, I lost mine a few years ago so get how you feel. What strikes me from your post is that you only have your sister as your emotional outlet to talk about your mum. That's why you are so sad when she goes home again.

Are there any other family members apart from your father you can talk to? Or maybe a friend or two?

Can you Skype your sister or ring her more so you can talk? These days there are many ways to keep in closer touch with loved one. x

[Lost_in_life in reply to hypercat54]

Thanks. Sorry to hear about your mom. My sister really is one of the few people I have to talk to. She calls once a week. We occasionally exchange emails. She's super busy. On top of work she's got two teenage children to deal with, and one is extremely autistic and requires a fair amount of supervision. Her husband helps but he's pretty busy with work, too.

I don't have many friends... just two or three that I regularly speak with. I also don't like to "unburden" myself too much on friends. I've estranged a lot of people in my past due to my emotional issues.

I'm glad I have a therapist to talk to... but I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to afford my ACA insurance since I'm unemployed. If I wind up dropping it I'll probably have to start all over with a low- or no-cost therapist with my county service board. Yet another thing to dread.