No hope No Will No Motivation

I feel helpless and hopeless. I am unable to cope with every day. My depression/anxiety is worse. Doctors, hospitals have not been hearing me. I have been in a medication nightmare. I have Borderline Personality Disorder and I am codependent. I feel like I am stuck under a wave and I can't get out. I went to a four week outpatient program and it was a very bad experience. Noone cared because everyone else in the class was functioning. I stopped functioning. I am suppose to be taking care of my mom and I am not. My Relationship is failing and I look horrible everyday. I can't handle going and driving on my own. I won't go shopping and I do not want to live anymore. I in a medication nightmare. I gained weight I have no energy or will or motivation. I don't have the strength to end my life but I don't wznt to be here. I havd had too much trauma and I sm 46 with nothing to show. I have not worked I years and the guilt and shame from my substance use is killing me inside. I stopped substances thinking I am going to be healthier and better and I am worse. I am really scared and I honestly want to just not be here because every second of my day I am suffering. I am hopeless because I fought to get help and the health care system is getting bad in Canada. I am fighting just to get a Psychiatrist for meds. The medications are ruining me. I am so sensitive to them. I am honestly in trouble and I don't know how to get out of this.

[Thurlesy]

O Alexapal, I feel your pain. I can literally feel it. I was in the same situation as you once. I did not live, I did not breathe, I did not feel anything. I did nothing but sleep and cry and just bore the pain day after day. Until one day it started to get a tiny bit better. And after a while I could breathe again and live again. Medication helped me a lot, once I got the correct ones. And I had to push myself to the max to get out socially and try to engage again in society. But eventually I got to a good place. Well mostly good, I still have down days, but mostly good. You will get there, please don't give up on yourself.

[Hidden]

I don’t have the same things wrong with me that you have , but I was at the same state of affairs with what you say in your words here. I was at the end of my proverbial rope and thinking my life had no value, and nothing was left living for. The pain was excruciating, and had been never ending for years, so instead of e ding my life, I decided it was worth trying to save it by going to a hospital.

Four days later I walked out with a complete change in all types of medication’s dealing with not just my mental health but my blood pressure and other such things. I also walked out with 80 to 90% relief from my symptoms and my life is changed immensely.

As desperate as you sound and I’m sure you are , then I highly recommend doing anything it takes to get somebody to help you. Here in the United States these hospitals cannot turn you down. They have to accept you and anyone can pretty much work out a payment plan for anything they can afford.

Not sure how it all works with the hospitals where you are, but I would definitely check into it right away.

I’m keeping good thoughts for you and praying for you. Please let me know if I myself or any of us can help you with any future trying to solve what’s going on with you and finding solutions.

You deserve it. We all deserve it

,

Much love.

Craig