grief

[dutchgirl71]

My mom will be passing soon. I am sad. I am anxious. I am angry. We are supposed to be following the lead of the Hospice nurse, so my sister won’t let me give her a sip of her favorite chocolate milk. I’m not dealing with this well and my sisters are mad at me. I’m just so overwhelmed and unlovable …by anyone but my mom….

[gajh]

My heart goes out to you. I care.

[dutchgirl71 in reply to gajh]

Thank you

[Dolphin14]

This is a very difficult time for families.

My thoughts are with you during this difficult emotional time

🐬

[dutchgirl71 in reply to Dolphin14]

Thank you. I feel so incredibly alone…😢

[Dolphin14 in reply to dutchgirl71]

healthunlocked.com/bereavem...

This link is to the bereavement site on HU. You will find support there also

You are not alone. We are here for you

[dutchgirl71 in reply to Dolphin14]

Thank you Dolphin14. I will look at this. I hadn’t even considered bereavement site. 😘

[bonkers65]

(((((HUGS)))))

[Margaret_712]

I remember being right where you are now. During the last two months of her life my mom was in hospice at home, and my father, my two sisters and I were all there caring for her 24/7. The tension was intense. We all had different ideas about how to care for her, how to interpret the hospice nurses' directions, how to deal with my dad. It was awful. I just focused on the love I felt for my mom, and that allowed me to mostly drown out the other stuff. It is really hard, and everyone is experiencing it differently. I am so sorry you are going through this. It is very common. 💜

[Agora1 in reply to Margaret_712]

Margaret, I am so sorry for your loss. xx

[dutchgirl71 in reply to Margaret_712]

Well said. That is exactly what is happening. Thank you.

[MyDogisMyTherapist]

dear dutchgirl71,

I am so very sorry for your enormous sorrow. I have been drawn to this area of life, which is grief work. I do that in my professional life. I can recommend a beautiful resource for you, and in the future you will be well connected with loving support. The group is called Tender Hearts and it is offered by grief expert and author David Kessler on his website which is grief. com. There is a nominal fee for their monthly support program (around $30) but no one is ever turned away for lack of funds.

Saying prayers for you. This is an intense time 🙏

[MyDogisMyTherapist in reply to MyDogisMyTherapist]

I hope it was ok to put that there. I’m just wanting to connect you with some helpful resources.

[dutchgirl71 in reply to MyDogisMyTherapist]

Yes. I will look into this. Thank you very much.

[lauralidia]

I am so sorry you are seeing your dear mom suffer.Hope you could find ways to be close to her,maybe put some lotion on her hands,her feet,If there’s way to move her a little bit you might lay by her side.These are the things i wish I would have done more of when my mom was still here.Sending you a big hug❤️

[dutchgirl71 in reply to lauralidia]

She has been sick for a few months and we have been loving on her lots. Thank you for your support.

[Hippiedeb5150]

I'm so sorry about your mum. I too lost my mom to lung cancer this year Jan 5, 2024. She was also on hospice. Hardest thing I've ever had to do was watch her die. I understand-i really do. Siblings will bring out the worst & the best of each other when a parent passes. There is nothing I can say that will make it easier-except I'm a retired RN & worked with elderly on down to babies. Hospice nurses taught me that if someone is in the dying process & we give them water, fluids it prolongs the dying process b/c the body wants to start processing again & that's why we are told nothing by mouth or peg tube except meds. It's hard on us watching feeling helpless. She can still hear you- even when you don't think she can-even in a coma. So keep talking to her-no matter what your siblings say-ask an older nurse if you don't believe me to verify. Read to her, tell her stories about childhood, tell her NOW what she means to you-dont save those precious words for her funeral -she deserves to hear them now. Just a few things I picked up going thru this couple weeks ago. My heart goes out to you & I'm sending hugs & love your way. You can do this. One minute at a time dutchgirl-you got this.

[dutchgirl71 in reply to Hippiedeb5150]

Thank you. I’m sorry for your loss as well.

[catsrock]

I am so very sorry. Sending you all the hugs. Loss is really hard.

[Wildchipmunk]

I'm so sorry you are going through this difficult time. Wish I was there to give you a hug! You are going to survive this. And you are going to be with your Mom again. It's not "good-bye", it's "see you later"! Be good to yourself. And know that all of us care about you and are holding your hand (by text!). Better days are ahead. You are going to be okay, kid. I promise.

[dutchgirl71 in reply to Wildchipmunk]

Thank you….i hope better days are ahead. I am alone…no spouse or kids…feels kinda bleak. But, yes, everyone feels loss at some time in their life, so I am not alone..

[Margaret_712 in reply to dutchgirl71]

I am also without a spouse and kids, and it does sometimes feel bleak. But, those with spouses and kids also experience feelings of bleakness. Don't forget that. It's just part of being human. 💜 If you can, get a dog. They make such great family!

[dutchgirl71 in reply to Margaret_712]

Yes, I will get a dog eventually I’m sure. My beloved Jack passed about 6 years ago. I might get a couple this time! 🐾

[friendly34]

i am so sorry for what you are going through.

I was with my dad in hospital when he was dying.

I played some of his favourite music.

lubricated his lips as they were getting dry.

my step mum was a nightmare to be around sometimes as she kept trying to take over and control things.

I just wanted to let you know you are not alone and i really feel for what you are going through. xx

[dutchgirl71 in reply to friendly34]

Thank you. I know lots of people have experienced this and I’m not alone. I’m sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing.

[friendly34 in reply to dutchgirl71]

Thanks. It is really important at this time- that you treat yourself well as you are going through so much.

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

I'm sorry. When these things happen it tends to bring it the worst in people. I'm a Mama's girl myself. I can't imagine what you are going through. I do have sisters that are older than me and for years they never respected me. I only now have a good relationship with one of them. One thing that is hard about being an adult and people don't seem to talk enough about it. Is watching our parents get old 😔

But you are not unloved... You are definitely loved. I don't know you but I can say I love you. More importantly you know that your mom loved you very much ❤️ Never let go of that. Carry her love within you.

As for the grieving process it's perfectly fine to feel overwhelmed, anxious and even pissed off. So go ahead be angry. Cry and scream into your pillow. Your feelings are valid.

Again I'm sorry about what you are going through and I wish we could all be by your side right now. ❤️🫂

Grey background with words about Grief

[dutchgirl71 in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

Profound statement. Thank you! This group is amazing! I’ve been supported more by people here that I don’t even know then my so called “lifelong friends”. 😘

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to dutchgirl71]

You're very welcome 🫂❤️

[Ambler58]

Thoughts are with you

[Teaching]

So sorry you are in a difficult situation. It's not easy to watch the one you love go beyond. Always remember to take a deep breath. Prayers for you and your family 🙏

[Stippler]

I am sorry to hear this. I am holding you and your Mom in healing light.

[ScooterJoe]

I was with my mother when she died. She was 103 years old when she died and had only been out of her home and in assisted living for a month. Even having had her alive for 103 was not enough for me. I was with her when she died--just the 2 of us like the day I was born. Her dying process left me in awe. Her breathing had been slow and steady. Then the sound changed, her breathing slowed and then stopped. I went over to her, kissed her and told her I loved her. It was all so peaceful.

[dutchgirl71 in reply to ScooterJoe]

103! Such a blessed life. Mom was 83…wish we had more time. She passed the same way your mama did. My sister, dad and aunt were by her side and it was a blessing to be so peaceful. I miss her terribly though.