grief

[MandyBueno]

I’m just here to vent…even if nobody responds to me, this is therapeutic to me either way. Anyways…my lovely, innocent, beautiful uncle with special needs left us 2 days ago. Grief is a feeling that I know well. My family was blessed with two beautiful special needs kids, both my uncle and my aunt. My aunt had the mind of a two year old child, she only knew how to say “ mom and pa”. My uncle on the other hand had a mind of a seven year old. He loved the lion king movie, video games, playground swings, marbles and clothes. A few years ago my aunt left us without warning, she had been off and on sick with no diagnose, I even spent a night in the hospital with her. I grew up in the same house as them so I spent plenty of time with them, so being able to take care of her makes my heart happy. When she left it was the first time I experienced real grief. The pain, the uneasiness of it all. In that same year I lost my grandpa, who I considered my second dad. He was healthy but he kept saying he wanted to go, so I believe God heard his prayers… all over again, that awful grief came upon me. Fast forward to today… here I am again. Gosh I hate it, how hard that is! This time I’m not home, I live in the US and my whole family is from Brazil. I didn’t have the chance to say goodbye, I just called my mom and said : “ hi mom, I called to talk to you, mainly I called to cry with you.” That was it, me, my mom, my grandma and one of my aunts, weeping on the phone. It doesn’t help that I have been feeling “off” for a couple of weeks, feeling a little “depressy” for no reason you know? I believe we don’t need to have a reason to feel like that. However now that I’m going through this, goodness it became so unpleasant. I believe I have done anything I can to make myself feel better. I have talked to my husband and my family. I have taken long walks, I have said many prayers. I have cried. I have cleaned my place. I went to Walmart just to look what they have ( which is a lot of stuff). I have gotten my favorite Starbucks drink and have worked on my math program. But that little moment you have in between chores, that split second, your mind can’t help but think. Grieving is in everything. Grieving is in a song, a certain smell. Grieving is extremely inconvenient and it follows you around. This is making me depressed and I wish to be done with it although knowing well it is not how it goes. I’m trying to be in the mindset of allowing myself to feel. But to be honest I just want to feel like my normal self again. This is horrible. People around you go on with their lives and it somehow annoys you. They want to talk, they want to relate, but I am easily annoyed. And just nod my head but deep down I’m going down in flames. Feeling angry, annoyed and sad 😞 I just want things to be back to normal.

[Agora1]

Hi Mandy, I am so truly sorry for your many losses more recently. I feel your pain through

your words of grief. Losing people we love is one of life's hardest thing to go through.

Grieving is important in order for us to heal. However, grieving takes time. Only time

can bring us to somewhat of a normal. Continue putting one foot in front of the other

and allow time to heal you mind and your heart. With sincere sympathy dear xx

[davidthecoder]

Hello Mandy,

I just wanted to say that you sound like a very thoughtful person and I enjoyed reading your post, because I can understand some parts of it having been in a similar situation regarding grieving a lost loved one. Of course almost everyone knows how that feels, but of course those with anxiety or depression will feel it more heavily perhaps.

Anyways it is very healing to just write your feelings down like you have done. And I just wanted to take a moment to show support towards you in this difficult time.

[Hidden]

I'm sorry for your loss.💔

[Erik481]

I hear you. Put almost never know what to say. I experienced that same annoyance and anger when my dad past away. Everyone had something to say to try to make me feel better. And it annoyed me to a point of anger. So in that spirit I’ll say the following… I’m sorry your so upset and I hope it gets easier as time goes by

[Midori]

Grief takes its' own time, For some folk it is quite quick, for others it can last a lifetime. Here in Britain Queen Victoria lost her husband when she was 39 and mourned him for the rest of her days, even wearing black for the rest of her life. She was on the throne for 61 years.

Grief cannot be forced to go, it will take as long as it takes, but gradually the pain of loss will fade, not always entirely, but it will become more bearable.

Some folk can rationalise it, but it does follow you, places which remind you of the person can bring back sharp memories, even a song or a tune, a book, a piece of craft. One day you will find that the hurt is less acute and the song book, etc will raise a feeling of warmth in the memory, and then you will begin to feel their memory without the feeling of loss. There will always be a bittersweet memory, but it will become less as time goes on.

Best wishes, Midori