Seeing no light

[6236]

I am 63 years old you would think that things would be different, better but instead they have gotten worse! I have RLS which is getting worse and trying to find a doctor that really knows what’s going on will probably mean going out of state. That’s one of my issues the other is financial issues. I am at my lowest point. Nothing is getting better and I don’t see it getting better in the future. I have very little support from my wife of 43 years who has no compassion at all. And my kids have their own lives to live so basically I’m alone. I am a Christian and I believe in the power of prayer but how can I expect God to do anything for me when I don’t do anything for him! I don’t like myself at all and that is why I don’t expect anyone to be there for me. I wish sometimes that this thing called life was over for me. I tried suicide once before but I’m a coward I couldn’t follow through with it so I’m stuck here. Maybe before I die things will be better. There have been little windows of time in my life when I felt happiness but on the whole my life as far back as I can remember has been unhappy. Sorry sometimes it helps just to put things in words.

[Chocoholic80]

A therapist once told me that not following through with suicide is not cowardly. It's great, and it's the hope in you telling you to hang on. There is so much love in this world, and God is not looking for you to do anything for Him.

Do you have a therapist, friend? I have access to a low-cost clinic near me, which has helped.

Please, if you need someone to talk to, the suicide hotline is 988 and the Listening Line is 908-232-2880.

Wishing you hope and a ray of sunshine.

[LoveforAll41]

Hi 6236, we are here for you to vent and I believe most of us understand being suicidal. It is so hard to exist when you feel so hopeless. There is hope though, and often it can be a victory just to live another day. I am glad that you are still here with us. I struggled for a long time feeling I was letting God down not being a better person, but I believe God understands us exactly and knows how you feel. He does not expect anything from us, He just knows what could make us happiest ideally. I think that we often have a lot of work to do to get there. I have prayed A LOT, but I still need therapy to help me recover. I believe God is just AND merciful, and He knows the intent of your heart. So I hope that you can feel just love from that side of things and not pressure.

I also have found it easier to perhaps not love myself initially, but understand why I do or do not do things and have compassion and understanding for myself. Perhaps you can start with accepting yourself.

As for RLS, I don't know, but there is youtube university 😬. I hate to spend money and often feel bad when I do or take the pain over the dr visit... It sometimes helps me to make a pros and cons list

I always recommend David Burns book "Feeling Great" and the Feeling Good podcast.

Again, I am sorry that you are feeling so down. There is hope. ☮️