How do you counter a negative self-loathing thought when it has solid evidence?

[MiamiJacket84]

It's a genuine question. They always say you have to counter your bad thoughts because they're usually wrong or irrational or whatever, but what if it's just a regular observation? It's not irrational or anything, it's just a thought coming from evidence gathered throughout my life and enforced by continues trials. So what am I supposed to do then? Ignore it? That's just being in denial. Force myself to believe otherwise? That's just being delusional. So what now? Accept it? I might as well just die because I don't believe life is worth living like that.

[Artistfriend]

Remember that change is always possible

[brendonkellyrox]

dont die life is worth living trust me ive been thier just take some deep breaths and destract your mind tv movie YouTube video games a good book music and if you want pray stay strong and just keep going if you feel like who cares WE DO💙

[Ellamaye in reply to brendonkellyrox]

We do!!!!

[Ellamaye]

If you feel able to share then please say what the thing is. . I'm not promising I can explain it away but I'm hoping it's not something that can't be overcome.

[MiamiJacket84 in reply to Ellamaye]

This specific thoughts is the belief that I'm generally undesirable in relationships, with the evidence being that no one has ever showed interest in me and I've been rejected countless times on various mediums. And I do mean an absolute zero.

[Ellamaye in reply to MiamiJacket84]

I am fascinated by that only because I see around me that there is no recipe to finding a partner. Not everyone is attractive and then some people are super attractive and get cheated on and have a string of unsuccessful relationships. I'm just not convinced that there is actually some problem with you it may be the places or people your trying to make connections at or with? Could be something to think about? Maybe?

[SoporRose]

I have the same issue. My life definitely provides solid evidence that almost all my decisions have ended in failures. I don't have an answer for you. But I can say that negatve thoughts are not always irrational.

[Craigliving4Jane]

Man are you talking to me here . For me I ve had much success at things not only willing to be wrong but welcoming it. It was the only way I could pull off what I did. I had no experience at my biz and non profit . If I have had enough time and examples to prove to myself that I’m not missing anything then if it’s important and especially if it’s hurtful to my challenges then I have to go with my deductive reasoning . Anything less is not living my truth. My trials have been ongoing with people close to me that absolutely can’t EVER be wrong and derailing my recovery. My therapists and other family members kept saying you just have to live with it.

Hogwash/ can’t live that way. No one has anything that I need if they are hurtful to a man with severe challenges and don’t care

Ive managed and coached people for 40 plus years and their are so many that do things on a regular basis that are wrong and either can’t see it or don’t care.

I say never accept it. You must be ready though for those to be in denial if you approach them and in my case flip it back on me.

Be ok with your decision then act if you feel it’s right. From what you’ve said you sound pretty darn sharp

In my humble opinion you and I are in the minority

Much love

[Pos8tvly in reply to Craigliving4Jane]

I made mistakes affecting the careers of others while employed as an administrator. What i am doing now is figuring out if apologizing to tjem would do any good to them, snd if not, forgiving myself (still learning how) and focusing on learning to broaden my perspectives and live.

[Craigliving4Jane in reply to Pos8tvly]

That’s a toughie my dear

Did your mental health challenges help create these miscues?

[BornToShine]

I learned that sometimes some facts can only be true if someone accepts them.

People can be wrong and do bad things, even though you warn them about it, until they realize it they put your fact as wrong even though realistically you are right.

So I don't pay too much attention to what is correct and what is not when I look at my flaws and strengths. There are many things that I hate about myself and I know because of that there is no chance that someone will like me, even though they say someone will like your flaws, realistically, they won't. Then I remember how many other things I'm right about, but others don't admit it, so I'm automatically wrong.

So, as much as you feel bad about yourself and think about it, don't. Remember at this moment that there are really worse people than you and be grateful that you are the way you are. Don't let yourself change because you won't become more attractive and more loved because of the change.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to BornToShine]

I disagree about resisting change to become more appealing.

It isn't fake to become the person you want to see in the mirror. Wash your face, comb your hair, put on your favorite clothes. Go outside. Say Hi!

Caring for your body with kindness and respect helps you hold your head high.

Then doing what you're passionate about attracts the right people, those you share interests with.

I'm not saying it's easy. Heaven knows it's a constant struggle for me. Wanting to do it matters.

[BornToShine in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Becoming better version of yourself or version so others could accept you isn't the same. If people really care about personality rather than look then it will be able to find beauty and something special in even darkest and worst flaw. Living life isn't living if you spend your whole life trying to impress others and create version of yourself that will statify others. We all are probably grown up humans and I believe nobody did waste their childhood learning something so in adulthood they would thrown away and forget all the pain someome caused to them. We still growing and we can grow better but changing yourself back then for future, for people being more kind to you and to give deserved love. No. You can change your decisions now but personality isn't the thing you should change.

Self-care and self-love is just state of mind making easier to you to live and take some situations in life. But it doesn't bring you people or makes you more attractive. And not all people can live by this concept.

In my case, I am passionate about a lot of things, music, videogames, nature etc. and nobody did treat me special because of it. Nobody did ever want to share same interest we have but rather spend time with people who have opposite hobbies and points of views.

[catsrock]

This makes me just go back to all I learned doing inner child work. What would a good parent say to you? Maybe something like, "We all make mistakes. What did you learn from past ones? How can you do things differently in the future? You are an intelligent person and can use negative past experiences to change your future. Don't give up - the future can be different than your past."