A month ago I had a glimps of what life was like without hating myself and being happy. A thought in my head turned into one of the best feelings I've ever had. It was unreal. It lasted about 10 seconds, on my morning drive to work. I instantly bursted into tears. That was the first time I'd ever felt like that.
I've hated myself my whole and I've been very aware of it over the last 5 years. I find myself thinking of something negative about myself and actually repeat, "I hate myself" under my breath a few times.
I dont know what or who I am. I don't know how to feel good about myself. It seriously just doesn't make sense. It feels like a lie.
How did you learn how to love yourself? What does that even mean..
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Sad_Sausan
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I think to love yourself means feeling good in your own skin, having a clear conscience, knowing other opinions about you don't matter, being okay and enjoying time alone. I had to lose everything to realize what was important and learn to love myself. I put forth more effort to become a better mom and wife. I forgave myself for the mistakes I made and for hurting others. I forgave those that have hurt me. I started standing up for myself and taking charge at work as a manager. I basically take no crap and that confirms that I am worth something to myself and others. I began praying and listing the positives in my life. I quit drinking. In what seems like the worst time in my life financially and living with family, it is actually the best time spiritualy for me. I love myself and others more so what I have or don't have is not important. It is a long process but perception and attitude is everything and will go a long way.
Dear Melhall, I have undergone something very similar to what you talked about in your post. I am so glad I am not alone. I have been reexamining my spiritual life and trying to find a way to be a better wife and person. More kind and giving and empathetic. Thank you for your post.
Before you can love yourself you need to know yourself..... pick something you are good at and when negative thoughts come up repeat "well, I am good at ....." I will admit that in the beginning "I am good at screwing up" came out often. now it is usually something funny like "I am good at eating chocolate." "I am good at making people laugh." I am good at listening." Finding one thing you accept and are even proud of is the beginning.
I have struggled with this too, especially after I developed an anxiety disorder. I didn't have a lot of trouble with self-loathing before then, but not really sure if I knew myself at all (or loved myself) either i.e. maybe I was just ignoring things more.
It's really hard to feel comfortable in your own skin when you struggle with anxiety, though I'm not sure if you do too.
I had a window like you last week, and wrote down a list of all the positive things I thought of about myself in that moment. I'm re-reading it right now, after having read your post, and it makes me remember how I felt. If you do get another view into loving yourself, maybe try to write down what qualities you think of, so you can refer it it later.
I can totally agree with you on that. It took me years to even admit that I had an anxiety disorder. I finally opened up and told my primary care physician and my therapist too. It is still a struggle to be comfortable in my own skin because I am so "in my head" about everything however I like how you said writing things down that are positive about yourself.
Not to sound all deep...I think that we need to look at our belief systems that play in our head and our hearts. For me, I do believe in God and in Jesus as my Savior that took away my sins. Yet as I was being taught about how I should relate to God, I was taught some things about God that I dont agree with which made me feel unloved. I thought if the Creator of our existence does love me than how can I even think to love myself. I have been reading that God is love regardless of what I think, feel, or believe or how anxious I become (which is very quite often). Now I have to find a way to accept this love with my heart even though my head is blocking it. This is the hard battle for me...
Trust me you're Not Alone,. I feel like I can't catch a break? Growing up my mom blamed me for everything, so from then on I was afraid of doing the wrong thing? I question everything I do and I Trust no one?
Good question...i feel the same so going by my experience, i think we lack confidence maybe?.
Sad_Sausan You actually got a glimpse of your own human potential when you were happy and not hating yourself. It wasn't an accident. That human potential is within all of us. Anxiety and hateful thoughts are just one big mental construct of the mind. So are good and happy thoughts. You can choose good and happy thoughts just the same. Our negative thoughts are just really bad habits of ours that we've gotten used to.
You don't actually have to hate yourself. Like EVER. You can just notice your thoughts. You can notice that you HAVE thoughts and they are not part of YOU or who you ARE. Thoughts are separate from us and often have a mind of their own until we become aware of them. You can notice your thoughts, and say, "Oh, look, I am having that thought again about hating myself."
"It's not TRUE or REAL because I also noticed that I can be in complete BLISS, even for 10 seconds, where I am NOT hating myself and I feel HAPPY."
I love that you said this: "I don't know what or who I am. I don't know how to feel good about myself. It seriously just doesn't make sense. It feels like a lie."
@Sad_Sausan, I say that because this is an OPPORTUNITY for you to really DISCOVER WHAT or WHOM you are. It's an incredible DISCOVERY. You are much more than your THOUGHTS. Much more than your upbringing. Much more than your past. Much more than anything traumatic you've experienced. Much more than the LIES you tell yourself. Especially the one about not knowing HOW to feel GOOD about yourself.
This is one LIE we tell ourselves. We don't need a manual to tell us how to feel good about ourselves because this is INHERENT in our NATURE. Just watch a little kid or toddler. You can't teach this stuff. We all HAVE it. We just forget about it along the way when life became hard or difficult. But it's STILL there. Still WITHIN you. LOOK for it. Make it your mission. You are not a sad person. You are not a hateful person. You are a HAPPY person because that is your BIRTHRIGHT. Look for your happy place and build upon that. You've GOT this!!!
Mastered, if this site had a "best of Healhunlocked" like Craigslist has I would nominate your post. It would certainly shortcut people to a better understanding of these conditions. After a time I started to visualize myself as having 2 parts-- an emotional one that was like a young child in an argument and willing to say anything to justify why I deserved the pain and a logical one that could see through the truth and do the work of overcoming the false messages. Joy is internal and natural. Much like making a bike ride through rugged terrain thrilling instead of scary, it takes practice to correct where things are out of balance in our internal talk. Susan, you now know what a perfect thrill is. Your goal is to focus on the skills it takes to feel like that more often. In bike riding we develop 'muscle memory" as our whole system eventually remembers how to balance. your mind can do the same thing. The ride will never be perfectly smooth but the times of feeling good about yourself can be the normal.
Oh sweet one... I know this is so hard. I am 48 and just in the last three years have I learned what that means and how to do it. One of the best things I did to begin that process was by looking at myself in the mirror. When I did this I literally stared into my own eyes until I truly "saw" myself. Then I began to tell myself, "I love you" over and over. Your self talk is SO important. When you say you hate yourself, that is what you are believing. So change it, and see what happens. I love myself now... for the first time ever. You can too! You are beautiful, and amazing, and so loved!!!
Like a friend i basically like but some days just tolerate, I do the same for myself. Hair a mess? Sags under my eyes? Put yourself together girl is what I say to myself. Find one thing that is acceptableto you. Are your eyes a pretty color? Hair dark or curly or light?
If someone saw you on the street would your smile even forced is it uplifting? The I love Me thing didn't work. The tolerate me and throw our suggestions for a better day did. Always make yourself smile your best smile, scowl your best scowl and practice a goofy face that will make kids smile. Those are not dependent on how you feel. Those are just for getting by in the public world. If your scowl is better today than yesterday you're a success!
I love myself most of the time although there are days or moments when I am disgusted . Sometimes I feel like I've let myself down and I'm not outstanding in any way . I think it comes down to the fact that usually I try very hard to achieve the standards I've set for myself, and it has taken more than one attempt at some things. I guess only I know how hard I have tried to become more and what a long hard road it has been. I appreciate that about myself which equals self love to me. In the long term you only have you so you have to take care. Pam
I do not suffer from depression, my daughter does and has for a long time. She does not answer the phone, letters, e.mails. I have tried to tell her that my mum is suffering from Dementia. She either does not care or cannot face it. I would love for her to communicate again.
I honestly don’t have all the answers because I’m struggling with the same issues but I know it’s showing compassion to yourself and forgiving yourself for mistakes and taken care of your health . It’s small steps and it takes time but with patience and determination you can achieve it . Someone to talk to helps maybe a therapist. I’m still waiting for mine as I’ve never really had that help . Try tapping into that feeling you had before and maybe gradually it will last longer then minutes
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