How do you go on when you have nothing left?

[wittsend0]

My depression, its gone from I'm depressed to I'm numb, lost.

I have been self medicating with books, since covid started.... which just occupies my mind so it can't run rampant. It lets me fall asleep most nights without stewing in my own thoughts. (0 sleep the last couple days)

I'm unemployed, have been sending out applications for over 2 years and can't get work.

My relationship , which probably was bad to begin with and very one sided, has now became nothing but shared space and my falling back into being a servant to the other person.

I can't afford a shrink, and it really didn’t help as far as I could tell, in the past.

My thought processes are like trudging through mud...

I have no friends left...

Part of me wants to put what's left of my life in storage until I can find some place to move too. Which I have been thinking about for literal years and have not acted upon. I have no real idea where to go, and global warming has made that idea far more questionable. The places I thought might be affordable have gone way up in cost since people have fled Los Angeles etc.

I wish I had more courage... to Either get into action, or pull the trigger.

Cant do Either!

I come here to vent and hope, find some kind of answers.

There is general kindness and sympathy, but in the end nothing changes.

Today is a: I just want to throw up day.

[Aspen-tree]

So sorry to hear what you’re going through. Life can really kick our butts sometimes to say the least. I will say that it’s so helpful to walk through this stuff with a therapist, and I realize that cost is a concern. Did you know that BetterHelp therapy online does offer financial assistance? You might check that out and apply for that. Also, I’ve heard that 7cups offers free volunteer based chats, but obviously a trained therapist is best. All the best.

[wittsend0 in reply to Aspen-tree]

Thanks be safe

[Tara52]

I understand what you are going through. I have suffered with depression since childhood also. Meds, therapy and even ECT weren't very effective for me. Lately I have been studying and practicing some spiritual practices. Prayer, meditation and metaphysical Bible study has been helping. Suicide is not an answer, it is not an "escape hatch" from the pain. (You just wake-up on the other side with the same mental pain and still have to learn how to overcome it). So keep seeking. Trust in God who is always good and He will lead you. Praying for you dear one. There is hope!💗🙏🧎‍♀️😘

[KrierandRosie]

You can vent to me. Can you move to a cheaper place?

[wittsend0 in reply to KrierandRosie]

In the same area , no … Insane pricing .

[KrierandRosie]

You might have to move to another city. CA is costly all over.

[wittsend0]

I fear, fear being the keyword, nothing is cheap anymore.

[Zimarra]

-Hugs you- for sleep try sleep hypnosis from Micheal Sealy- hypnosis was the only way to get my sleep back (even though I am on sleep meds still the hypnosis works the best) . It’s so hard right now and I feel you. I’d you ever want to chat I’d love it. I also suffer from depression and anxiety .

[Agora1 in reply to Zimarra]

Zimarra, Michael Sealey puts me in a relaxing state with just the sound of his voice.

Good suggestion xx

[Zimarra in reply to Agora1]

I know right? It’s so heavenly

[Agora1 in reply to Zimarra]

My 3 top voices that are calming and meditative are Michael Sealey,The Honest Guys and Jason Stephenson. xx

[Zimarra in reply to Agora1]

Gonna have to look those up. Sorry for thread hijack

[Agora1 in reply to Zimarra]

Me too...My apologies xx

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Zimarra]

Thank you for the suggestion. I found it and I'll try it tonight.

[Agora1]

wittsend0 xLife sometimes beats us down to a pulp but yet as long as there is a breath in us,

we mustn't give up. This is when we must look deep within ourselves to prove to

ourselves (no one else) that we can and will survive.

When friends leave as they will when the going gets too tough for them to bear, we

find within ourselves a strength we didn't know we had. You Tube can be a learning

channel. The more we learn, the easier the climb out of the mud will be.

Saturate your mind with all that you can and then go forward. Action is the key here.

Sitting and wallowing in self pity will get us no where.

Once you get yourself together physically and mentally, more opportunities will open

their door for you. Confidence and Self Esteem will show in your eyes and your gait.

I believe in you but now it's time to believe in yourself. My best to you always xx

[catch_the_music]

Sorry to hear about what you are going through. There are people who can help you - for free. Talk to a pastor at a church near you. They can hear your concerns and pray for you. They can give you the encouragement you need to keep going. Have a pastor show you encouraging verses in the Bible. Ask the pastor if they know of a job seekers group nearby. God cares about you and is near to you right now! Reach out to Him in prayer! Ask Him for direction and motivation. He will answer in time! God Bless!

[Myheartisblack]

How are you now?