scared & lonely.

[augustine02]

so, i have been diagnosed with depression & severe anxiety about 6 years ago. it makes me feel so weird. i hate when the anxiety kicks in because i start to scare myself & think i’m a terrible person from my intrusive thoughts. i have this irrational fear that i’m going to look in the mirror and not see myself.

i know it’s irrational because that never ever happens. i don’t know if i have OCD or not but i can’t let these fears go. i can’t get these fears out of my brain. i ruminate on them until i feel sick & i experience derealization a lot too. i don’t even know how to explain this feeling. it just sucks because i almost convince myself i have so many kinds of mental problems. i know that i don’t, because i’ve been diagnosed with depression & anxiety, but why do i feel so unsure of myself? i feel crazy & scared. i’m still working & doing everything i normally do. so i know i have high functioning anxiety & depression but i just can’t get it out of my head & it feels terrible. i have tried numerous things to get out of anxiety attacks. mediation, medication, walks, music, books. i’m on medication it’s just making me feel so foggy. does anyone else feel this way?? i feel so so so alone in this feeling. i feel unsafe in my own mind & body. please help.

[corgi_fan817]

I know this is a rather blunt question. What do you think your anxiety is about? What is troubling you?

[augustine02 in reply to corgi_fan817]

i don’t know. i truly don’t know where it all stems from. i have a few ideas, like growing up with a terrible body image & always putting other people before myself. i feel like that’s why i am the way i am now.

[kg55]

You are definitely not alone, we are even around the same age experiencing these things. I often convince myself that my thoughts will become real and it scares me but I have to remind myself that I am in control of my actions. Thoughts can be scary but that is all they can be. For example, a panic attack can feel so convincing its a heart attack but all it could ever do to you is scare you. It is only a feeling.

[augustine02 in reply to kg55]

thank you so much. i appreciate your words ❤️ i just hate how scary and real it feels you know? and every time i try to pull myself out of it, my anxiety is like “but what if it’s true.” and i’m just constantly questioning myself & it hurts me so much. i just want to know i’m not alone & i’m okay & that my anxiety is lying to me.