alone

[lifetime1010]

at the moment:

I am having a hard time. My anxiety makes me stressed about seeing my family members in my house. My anxiety that makes me confused on which choice to make. I want peace so so much. I don't want to fear of an emotional outburst of another, or some drama, conflict, guilt-tripping, or violence. I hate the way my dad speaks sometimes. Guilt-tripping me, expecting me to do something for him. When truthfully right now, I am not in a good head space or emotional space or life space. It's the unfamiliarity of boundaries, honesty, and self-regulation in my own family, where I don't feel able to say my truth all the time as I don't want to deal with the aftermath. But, then it is my own expectation of something bad to happen that I despise the most. I know it is a reflection of my inner world, and I just want some silence, true alone time, and to feel comfortable in my own home. But, I get stressed about having to just see my family members and I live with them. Then, I am like, "How am I going to be a functioning member of society when I get anxious just to see my family."

I need to fucking step up and be an adult, but honestly I never was shown how to deal with my emotions as a child, and here I am overloaded with emotions and trying to find healthy ways to heal and cope without drugs. It is unfamiliar, I get confused on my own right and wrong, especially when others don't hear you , and they just project their own point of view. It's not communication but a fucking battle of winning. It's like, I can't heal you. I am not responsible for your wellbeing.. It's hard to communicate with those who can't see beyond their own self. And, my own trauma of getting lost from my own center from others overwhelming projections makes it difficult to see my own truth at times.

And, then I am like, is this just all inside my own mind? Like, I am just overthinking everything, and what I am fearing isn't real. It's hard to acknowledge truth when others don't know theirs.

Then I just try focusing on changing my perspective from within and doing my own thing, but damn

I am fucking tired rn

[MediterraneanSea]

I really wish I had some actual professional advice for you but I don’t. I can however 100% understand how you feel, I often feel that way too.

Here are my thoughts and what’s worked for me: I’m pretty convinced I overthink when I feel that way. I’ve found that doing things that make me happy such as activates, volunteering, etc make me feel good. Places where the people your around matter a little less and the activities you are doing matter a bit more. I’m not sure that’s healthy, but it’s working okay for now. My dad is similar and I’ve found just getting out of the house is nice, just getting a break and addressing him in increments allows me more energy to deal with it better. And maybe trying to establish boundaries might help. Explaining how you feel. I know sometimes it feels like talking to a brick wall but I think it’s worth a shot. It worked out okay for me, not perfect, but it got better.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with that, it may feel bad now but I’m sure you’ll get older, more independent and not feel this way someday. I don’t feel that way all the time anymore. Just keep moving forward, it’s amazing what time and action can do. I wish you all the best!

[lifetime1010 in reply to MediterraneanSea]

Thanks so much MediterraneanSea I really appreciate it! I'll definitely keep what you shared in mind and try it out bit by bit.

[lifetime1010]

Thanks Learning2B 🤍