I am very alone. Very alone. This is going to be a sad Christmas. I have no family. No friends. I am literally ... alone. Not only am I alone, I have no one that I can talk to. No one that I can share my heart with. No one that I can express what I'm feeling, what I am going through, and what I have gone through. There's just so much. I am so hurt. I am so down. Sadness and despair, in a time that's supposed to be joy and happiness. What am I to do?
My heart is broken. Is it possible to die from sadness? I think it is. So much trauma. Why am I here? Surely the world would have been better without me. Surely it would not have missed anything if I had not been born.
The worst thing for a human is to be alone. Is being alone worse than being consistently hurt and mistreated in a relationship? I don't know. Both are so heartbreaking. I honestly don't know which is worse, but I literally have no one that I can talk to, confide in, express my feelings, open my heart, no one to commiserate with me, no one to just listen and make me feel understood. That's such a huge thing. To feel understood. To feel like you're not alone in your thoughts and feelings. Why is it so difficult for me to make friends? I'm "friendly" and courteous and I get along with my co-workers, but I'm not close enough with any of them to confide in them, nor be vulnerable or reveal the truth about me, all my personal baggage, and all my feelings and problems with depression, anxiety, lack of self-esteem, fear, feelings of inadequacy, and lack of self-worth.
I just want to lay down and sleep, for a very long time. I'm tired. I have no energy. No motivation. No desire to do anything. Just lay down and sleep.
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I'm so sorry that you're feeling that way. It's difficult to feel like an Island and to be an island. Life can be hard, but it can be so beautiful if made beautiful. I know that's easier said than done, but the outcome is that much sweeter. If you need some advice, there are options. Therapy can be very beneficial to just pour your pain out of your body that way you're no longer holding it yourself. Listening to guided meditation videos can also be encouraging. It helps me relieve situation sadness. As to friends, maybe ask a coworker to meet up for dinner or lunch sometime. The small act of friendship can move mountains toward concrete friendship. Life is difficult, but don't let it wear you down. There is so much greatness in it and yourself.
I hope you find peace
Holidays can exacerbate feelings of loneliness. When I don't have holiday plans, I volunteer feeding the homeless.
Actually, in general, I might recommend that you look for opportunities to help out around your community, e.g. food pantries, animal shelters, etc.
It'll give you a sense of purpose and help you meet people.
I am truly sorry to hear how lonely you are. Loneliness is such a sad, dark feeling. It feels like you have no where to turn or go and your all alone trying to fix your own problems while you just ache to talk to someone who understands. But of course you already know that, and I am so sorry your struggling with that. I know this support group can never take the place of real in person interaction or friendship but please feel free to come on and share whenever it gets to be too much. I agree with HelloFolks, reaching out to others no matter how small really can make a difference.
Also I'm sure the holidays make it even worse. Show some love to yourself. Do things you enjoy. Even if you have to do it alone, try it anyway. It might end up being fun. That's something I want to work on, I get lonely sometimes because I'm single and don't have any close friends, and recently I've been listening to podcasts on how to enjoy being alone. It's been really interesting actually.
Anyway I hope you have an amazing day! We are all rooting for you!
Have you considered giving yourself a pet that's low maintenance like a cat or even a bird? Or if you have a pet consider rekindling some of that unconditional love they like to give us? You'd be surprised the difference they can make in your daily life. In addition to professional help for depression, developing faith in a higher power or in my experience God has helped kindle some hope in times like these. I pray over the holidays for you that you can find some joy in your days even if it's just some beautiful music that you enjoy on the radio. Gratitude for small things can go a long way. God bless you my friend you do have a purpose here in life.
im always open to listen and help i know its hard.I know that everyone else on here feel the same.your post reminds me of a quote from an anime called one piece.
I mean more like is it better to be alone than in a toxic relationship? I've heard, and I agree with the premise that it's "better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all", but is it better/healthier to be alone? Or stuck in a toxic relationship but not alone?
Your post hit me hard. All I can say is I understand, I feel this way too. It’s so difficult for me to open up to others because I only know rejection and neglect. I have learned to hide my feelings very well. If you want to chat I’m here.
oh No I am so sorry that you are struggling and and going through all of this I understand I am going through a bit of depression off and on and it’s tough to be alone or feel alone I am here for you if you need a friend or just someone to talk to message me anytime
I feel this post deeply and I am truly sorry you are feeling this. In my previous marriage I felt like I wanted to escape but my only escape was to fall into an abyss. I was so alone, but in a way noone truly understood. The toxicity ran so deep that it changed who I was entirely. I lost myself to the names I was called and who I was told I was. I can tell you being alone is better than being around that toxicity. I say that with all honesty. But while you are alone, focus on yourself. Find who you are without that toxic source around you. Try to remember what you like again. The music you like, the foods you enjoy. Find your source of happiness within yourself. It takes time to overcome the darkness, but allow yourself that time to find it. It took me years of ups and downs to figure out that life actually does have light in it. I'm not ignorant or a waste of space. It's been well over a decade and I am in therapy dealing with all of my trauma from years of abuse, but I am finally dealing with it all and I am becoming a better me. Over those years lost, I gave up on myself numerous times. I am thankful to still be here, though. I used to be so angry at life... I didn't understand why I had to continue to live in such agony... But now I know that even though my life has been a rollercoaster, and I now live with multiple illnesses, I have helped so many people along the way. Even though I still have narcissists in my life, I can handle them because I am not that weak person I once was. I have a light in me that I never saw before. Having toxic people in your life will always keep a darkness around you that holds you down. Please, don't give up on yourself. Holidays are hard, I'm so sorry you are alone during this time. Do something that makes YOU happy. Focus on yourself right now and getting back on your feet. Make this time about finding yourself again. Because I will remind you over and over again, YOU ARE IMPORTANT and YOU ARE WORTH IT. YOU ARE WORTH HAPPINESS and YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE.
sometimes being alone during these times shows you how to love and take care of yourself!
Celebrate by yourself and become comfortable with beling alone. Try going to a bar and chatting with a random person for 20 minutes and leave-I bet you’ll feel fulfilled for the day knowing that you are truly not alone in this world.
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