Alone

Hello, I'm new. Thank you for listening. I suffer from many mental illnesses but mostly depression, anxiety and agoraphobia. 5 years ago I was able to hold a job (16 yrs at my company) and the anxiety took over. Now I'm on social security disability and hardly leave my home. I'm struggling with the loneliness. Family and friends have not bothered with me. It's making me feel worse and all I do is cry. They don't return texts, answer their phones, reply to my emails and don't want to come over. My parents are emotionally abusive so I don't care to interact with them. I have no siblings. I feel so unloved and unsupported.

[AnxietyBarbie]

Welcome to the community! First of all, you are not alone. You will find many members in this community, such as myself, that can relate to what you are feeling. Don't be afraid to write out exactly how you are feeling on here. We wanna hear what you have to say

[Hidden in reply to AnxietyBarbie]

Thank you so much. I appreciate your kindness

[mz_rachel]

Isabelle, I understand you girl... I'm jobless right now bc I feel like I can't hold down a job. I've called in many times and it was all due to my anxiety. It sucks so bad... I'm actually having anxiety as I write this! Mainly tightness of chest. But I know what you're feeling, we all do. Please try not to feel like no one cares... ❤️❤️❤️ We're your online family now.

[Hidden in reply to mz_rachel]

Awwww you are wonderful Rachel. I'm actually Krista. Isabelle is my kitty who passed and I'm also having a extremely hard time dealing with her loss. I don't have children so she was my daughter. And the vet misdiagnosed her. For a whole week I thought I was watching her recover from a "stroke" when really I was watching her die. It was awful. She passed here at home. It was just the worst thing that's ever happened to me. She kept me going when I wanted to give up. She passed the week before thanksgiving and I'm still grieving. Sorry I got off topic.

Thank you for your warm welcome. I need a family

[Bekay in reply to Hidden]

The kitty thing hurts,I could not be of any help when my cat was sick, it hurt I can't even comment now I'll reply later.

[Bekay]

Just wanted to let you know we have a few things in common,I had a fifteen year career and lost it,I used to have a hard time Getting out the door every morning, and then the road rage getting there, by the time I got to work I could barley do my job so I can identify wirh your story, I'll listen to you ,you are not alone any more.

[DianeA in reply to Bekay]

I hate road rage also , was in an accident recently that wasn't my fault. I just don't have the tenacity like I used to to find work. Plus I have s seizure disorder that usually goes anxiety.

[Hidden in reply to DianeA]

I was also in a road rage accident. These 2 mean guys slammed on their brakes and I smashed into the back of them. I jumped out of my car and they wouldn't look at me, roll down their windows. They actually sat in their car laughing at me. I swear the accident gave me PTSD bc I still struggle with driving

[Hidden]

I have struggled with depression and anxiety almost my entire adult life. As I got older (I'm 42) it just got worse. I had a great job, good pay, bought my own house, long term boyfriend (no bf in a while). And everything fell apart in 2011. Lost everything except the house. Now I have nothing but sitting here, alone (I have 2 cats but my 2 original fur babies passed). My extended family doesn't visit or call. My 2 friends...dont come visit. I've been diagnosed with agoraphobia. Sorry if I repeat myself, I also have ADD. I forget. So I am alone day after day. I'm into crafts and very creative so I try to keep busy with that and gardening. My parents are nothing but verbally and emotionally abusive. My mother just told me a few days ago I will be sitting here all alone at age 60 and called me fat. She has no sympathy for my loss of Isabelle. In fact one day she was so horrendous she stood up and yelled at me "ISABELLE IS DEAD! ISABELLE IS DEAD AND SHE'S NEVER COMING BACK BECAUSE SHE'S DEAD!!" I kicked her out of my house. I'm off topic again. I feel none of my friends or family cares. My last resort was to join a online support group and forget about these jerks in my life. Ya know.

I'm sorry you lost your job too. When you're with a company for that long it's a huge loss in my opinion. Especially when you are already struggling with depression or whatever else! I worked at Kodak. My pride was shot.

[chrisg43 in reply to Hidden]

hello krista, im new to this site too and i too have alot in common with you. i am 43 yr old with gad, ocd, agorophobia, and depression. its horrible i to used to have a full time job and drove a car. i had a panic attack while driving. parked my car in a parking lot, got out and never drove again. I feel in my mind not"Normal". I see my neighbors get up in the morning get in there cars alone and drive to their work. How i envy everyone who can do that. I have not been able to do that im 8yrs. I left my job because all i did was sit at my desk overthinking everything, all anxious and nervous. scary. then factor in i couldnt drive there was afraid to ride with others. im rambling sorry. All my envying of others makes me depressed, causing me not to eat and forgeting to take my medicines. then my physical health gets bad. i then feel anxious then it snowballs into major panic then the agoraphobia. its horrible but if i keep my mind off it that helps. i to crafts, read books, kids, several pets to take care of. I also find it helps to think positive. i praise myself everytime i leave the house even if i only make it to the driveway. I could tell you it was easy but it isnt. If you try your best think good thoughts. and i have to say your never alone its not just you in this. You have wonderful people on this site to guide you. also you have your cats they are family too. I am a huge animal lover all my animals are family. Good luck to you. I know it seems aweful right now but there will be good days.

[Hidden in reply to chrisg43]

Hi Chris,

Yes I think this site is full of wonderful people and I'm glad I joined. Sorry I haven't responded sooner I just haven't been feeling well. My psychiatrist changed my meds and I've been out of sorts. Really depressed, crying all the time, so anxious. He said give it a week to start working. A week is a long time when you need to feel better!

I stopped driving completely after I lost Isabelle my fur baby. She passed the week before thanksgiving last year. I didn't drive for 6 months. I only left the house for Dr appts and would get a ride. I did start driving again but I don't like it one bit. I'm terrified and only go up to Ridge rd where everything is located. Just a few miles from my house. But I can't wait to get back asap and turn down my street. I swear I hold my breath the entire time lol.

I'll write more later. I'm just not feeling great.

[Lisamarlowe in reply to chrisg43]

Hi Chrisg43 I too had a major panic attack 2 years ago parked my car and haven't driven it alone since. Although I have had panic disorder since I was a small child I am 47 now , I can drive with anyone in the car with me anywhere, but alone?, forget it! I have suffered this separation anxiety since I was about 5 years old and now as an adult, this is what has happened, I can relate to you totally

[Hidden in reply to Lisamarlowe]

I understand.

[LostfunZone in reply to Lisamarlowe]

Hey, Lisa...What do you think is the reason for your separation anxiety, that you can think of when you look back? I am curious in to understanding these things, and in this case I am wondering if it's the result of weak attachment bonding with the mother. Which in turn makes the child growing up more insecure and nervous.

I recall not wanting to go to school when I was little and when starting my first class around the age of five. My mother said she had to take me in to the classroom herself and sit in the room and then sneak out, to get me to stay in class and not be crying. Clearly I had elements of separation anxiety from a young age too.

[Lisamarlowe in reply to LostfunZone]

Yes I can remember when I was 5 doing the same thing I never had a bond with my dad until I was older that may have something to do with it not sure idk also when my mom was pregnant with me at 16 her mom passed away 2 mo this before I was born maybe that's part of the depression I have had since as small child idk I'm totally out of answers

[chrisg43 in reply to Lisamarlowe]

i envy you for being to drive with people. one thing that keeps me from driving is not just the fear that people wont want to be in the car with me. its so crazy i used to drive for over 20yrs. i was the one who always drove friends. i was the designated driver when we went out. i had a mini van i was always driving my kids and all their friends places. i did drive alone alot back and forth to work 45min both ways and enjoyed it. but i look back now and im like how did i do that? i think to much about it. i think i cant drive which is not true i can i just dont. my therapist said to start thinking that i can drive im just not at the moment. it seems to be helping i kept beating myself up over it. but anyway rambling. i just had to tell you its awesome you do drive even with people someday you will drive alone im sure. im sorry you've been dealing with panic so long. my children also 2 of my children have gad its difficult for them sometimes to get to school or work. i feel so bad cause i know what there going through but to be a kid going through it is worse. think positive and always be happy everything you acomplish everyday even if you have panic disorder. dont let it define you.

[Hidden in reply to chrisg43]

When I stopped driving I thought the same thing...how did I drive for so many years without a problem. Back and forth from upstate N.Y. to Pennsylvania every other weekend a 2 and 1/2 hour drive to see my boyfriend. Though the blizzards and all the crazy weather! Up and down mountains!! How did I do that so effortlessly??? What happened to me??? I loved the drive. It took a lot of strength to get behind that wheel again. I couldnt do it alone at first. Now im able to drive but i have to stay close to home.

[chrisg43 in reply to Hidden]

Your driving now though. thats great. i so want to do that. i hate waiting for someone to drive me or not going where i want to. i used to love just driving to nowhere just taking in the sites. But i keep thinking at least i can be in a car. 8 yrs ago i would panic the entire time no matter who was driving. I find it encouraging that you stopped driving for a bit and are back at it. you probably think its absurd that i think thats so great. but to me it is. i close my eyes sometimes and go back to those times. i dont get anxious but as soon as i sit behind the wheel of a car i do. You make me want to try again doing desensitization with the driving. My therapist said i should go sit in the car for 5min work up to longer times. Put seat belt on sit for 5. Work up to starting the car. Eventually getting comfortable enough to go to a parking lot and driving there. Im gonna try. its gonna be tough but im gonna start again soon.