"I hate myself"

[97Bunny11]

I've said these words to myself so many times that it's become a mantra to me. These words shouldn't bring comfort to me, but they do. They beat me down while giving me this cushion of truth. It's as if I'm surrendering to my true feelings instead of trying to force myself to like myself. It's cathartic, like crying. The feelings boiling in my throat flow out of me like streams of tears when I utter these three words to myself. I find relief in the truth, even though the truth is ugly. I don't love myself. Or rather, I don't fully love myself. About 30% of me has love for myself while the rest is just hatred or numbness. That's how it always been for me. There's no need to try and think of myself otherwise. That's how it's always been. And how it always will be.

[Dolphin14]

I think you should focus on that 30% and make it work.

Negative self talk is very harmful.

🐬

[97Bunny11 in reply to Dolphin14]

Thanks, Dolphin. I try to. I think I've become too comfortable in this state

[Dolphin14 in reply to 97Bunny11]

Take baby steps forward. 30% is a great starting spot. Something got you that far. Don't let that slip

[hypercat54 in reply to 97Bunny11]

Nothing will change unless you make it. Oh that love yourself thing is a misnomer. A better one to work on is to like yourself and see your achievements. That way you can also gain self respect and self esteem.

That goes a long way to helping make life more bearable. Don't forget too very small changes lead to big ones so never overlook those. Like a domino effect.

I have learnt in life never to hate, especially myself. It just weighs you down and stops you from moving forward.

[Sunrisetabby]

I've tried to use many mantras, and I am extremely critical of myself, but I've never used I hate myself as a mantra. I also would respectfully disagree with your last line that this is how it will always be. Have you read about radical acceptance? It is something that I am still working to implement.psychologytoday.com/us/blog...

"KEY POINTS

Acceptance doesn't mean resignation, that the circumstance goes away, or that we feel better about it.

Radical acceptance is letting go of the need to control, judge, and wish things were different than they are.

Fighting against negative emotions leads to our suffering."

[LoveforAll41]

Hi Bunny, I am glad that you love 30% of yourself and that you can find some peace.

I agree with these responses, like corgi said to never hate and Sunrisetabby mentioned about acceptance.

I think that acceptance can be accepting where we are for now. I strongly dislike that I am not in a house and I am devastated that I don't have a degree and I am so sad that my wife has to suffer in a cramped apartment and I disappointed that I miss out on a lot due to depression. (The first time I typed that all of those negative feelings were typed as hate 😜).

I look back though and see myself as a kid, as a college student, as a new husband, as a new father, and I can have compassion. I can accept where I am now and I can also work on changing the future. There is always hope, and it is never too late to change.

I hope you can have compassion for any part of yourself that might have made things harder in the now. I hope that you can turn that love up, or get to the point where you can see that our worth never changes no matter how we succeed or fail. Plus failing is just a success if we learn.

I again will reference Dr. Burns with his dial metaphor. If we can turn down our feelings of self hate or worthlessness to 10 or 20% and still be happy but have motivation to change I think that is a good spot. I wish you peace, hope, and strength. Sending love ❤️