I really don't like myself

To preface I'm safe, just very sad.

I really don't like myself I haven't for a while. I've attempted suicide once, and find it so hard to love myself. I'm a man who's cut, but it used it to dull the pain... I used to give myself black eyes, I hate eating because hate how I look.Now those scars are reminders that I was weak, that I cry too easily, that I'm not man enough for people. But I just want to make my friends and family happy. I'm constantly putting myself on a scale of, am I good enough.

If I keep crying so much I really won't have any friends left.. it's too hard for people to want to juggle that too... I'm stuck, I do hobbies fine but I just can't bring myself to smile when I'm not talking to people I care about...

[LoveforAll41]

Hi MementoSky, I am sorry that you are feeling so down. I am often down these days and it mostly stems from feeling like I am a failure. Are you going to therapy? I think it is understandable that we have our bad coping behaviors because they have served in some way, even if it is an unhealthy numbing of emotions. I had a couple of great months in life when I was able to emotionally believe that I had inherent worth just existing, and I am working on self-compassion to get back to that point.

[Hidden in reply to LoveforAll41]

Unfortunately I e seen over 12 different therapists and Drs... Have all the tools I need just don't know how to make em' work... Batteries must be dead lol

[LoveforAll41 in reply to Hidden]

I feel the same way... I can now identify what beliefs make me feel like **** but it is so hard to change them. I think that self-compassion is the way and I get to ashamed to talk to my wife about using bad coping behaviors for the same unpleasant emotions over and over and over again so I am committing to therapy long-term. I am hopeful that it won't have to be more than monthly after I get the ship righted.

Have you had any good times and if so how did you get there?

I love David Burns work in "Feeling Great". We have a distressing thought that we believe so then we feel bad, to feel better we have to have a truth we believe. I think that we know these truths (all humans have worth no matter what, all rocks, dust particles, etc.) but to get to where we believe them... that is so freaking hard. Change is hard.

...Are you nice to yourself MementoSky? You deserve to be nice to yourself

[Hidden in reply to LoveforAll41]

I wanted to cut but instead I just used a pen over my old ones. I'm thinking that was better than cutting again... I see why people treat me like a child... But I'm just sad..I like writing and music but if I don't have people to share it with it just makes me sad

[GreenBeanJean]

hey friend I’m sorry that you feel that way. I just want to remind you that you do matter and just because you’re a man doesn’t mean that you have to neglect your feelings. The only person who matters is you and the friends that left aren’t really friends. Friends don’t leave in tough times, they love you harder and help you along the way. I do hope one day you will learn to love yourself just as you are

[Hidden in reply to GreenBeanJean]

I really appreciate this GBJ I hope your day is going well

[GreenBeanJean in reply to Hidden]

You’re welcome and it’s going so far so good 😊