anxious

[Thistooshallpass7]

are there any females like me who are anxious about the future ? Are you single and fearful that you will not get married or have kids ? I’m 33 and my most recent partner and well society has me thinking that I am not valued because of my age and I will never find a guy to truly love me. He said that I’m already old and no one would want me…. And I mean I guess that is true, men like the young girls with perfect bodies and I am like used goods. My ex led me to believe that he was the best I could get, my self confidence is at an all time low and I cannot seem to shake it. I feel so rejected and unheard, it hurts so much. I want true love so badly but no one loves me for me… I feel like I am really the problem, I don’t know what to do

[davidthecoder]

Hi Chrissy,

I think the way you feel is understandable and my advice is to just keep working on improving yourself. Even making 1% progress each day adds up over time. Don't worry about what others think about you. I know that is easier said than done.

I think that since it is New Years, there are many other single people that are also feeling this way. It's ok to feel down because that can motivate you to become a better version of yourself.

[Thistooshallpass7 in reply to davidthecoder]

Thank you 🫶🏽 I really appreciate it

[LadyZen]

First, you should cancel out your ex's voice in your head. No one should be talking to you like that.

Second, at 48, I realize how young 33 years old is. I know tons of people that found love later and started a family later.

Third, finding someone and having a family isn't the end all anyway. It's one of the most stressful experiences of my life. Enjoy what the universe has given you now. There is a reason for it.

[Turnipgirl in reply to LadyZen]

That ex sounds like a right pig doesn't he?

I know someone who was 65 when they got married for the first time so it's never too late.

Years ago when I was in my 20s and 30s I would feel extreme jealousy when I would hear people were getting married and I wasn't as it was something I wanted for myself!

I got married a few years ago but I was made to wait and you enjoy things more when you have been made to wait for them is what I find and it's the same with the current flat when I was made to wait and I appreciate the things I have more when I have been made to wait for them.

Happy new year to you and the dog!

[LadyZen in reply to Turnipgirl]

Happy New Year to you too!

[Thistooshallpass7 in reply to Turnipgirl]

I’m trying to stay positive. He brought me down so much I started to believe it and I just find myself trying to get his attention to not feel rejected. I will do my best . Happy new year to you!

[Thistooshallpass7 in reply to LadyZen]

Gosh I wish I can truly do this and let go. I will try my best. Thank you for reaching out

[LadyZen in reply to Thistooshallpass7]

It's very hard. It's helpful to have a therapist if you can't do it alone. But if you can, just try your best and lean on friends and family.

[Amokaka in reply to Thistooshallpass7]

As social animals, we're wired to want to believe that the things people are telling us are true (or at least that they contain a kernel of truth), but that doesn't mean they are. Sometimes people just lie, because it suits their interests rather than ours.

My very first boyfriend - when I was SIXTEEN - loved to tell me all the time that no one else would ever want me if I broke up with him. Unsurprisingly, he was full of sh-t. So is your ex.

[Thistooshallpass7 in reply to Amokaka]

couldn’t agree more

[Midori]

What a prize (😡) he turned out to be! It isn't you with the problem Chrissy; it's the men!

There are good men around, (although at 75, I'm finished with that malarkey), Its just finding them! I had two, One was good but, we stopped dancing together when I went into Nursing, and drifted apart. The second was exciting, but wanted a Trophy Wife. He got me, and turned violent and belittling. (oh, and while we are there, I had my 2 kids at 39 and 41). You have time yet. Don't lose hope.

Be careful of the guys you choose, It can be easy to be carried away in the excitement of a new relationship. Tread carefully before committing.

Cheers, Midori

[Thistooshallpass7 in reply to Midori]

Oh my thanks so much for this. Happy to know there is some hope

[designguy]

Society and culture place a lot of realistic expectations on us if we let it that we can decide if they fit us or not when we realize we have a choice. It sounds like you could benefit from raising your self-worth and learning to validate yourself and be more compassionate with yourself. So many of us looked to others or outside of ourselves to validate ourself because we were conditioned or taught to do so. Learning to love and accept yourself will make finding a healthy relationship easier and more likely. There is a lot of good info on youtube as well as books about how to improve your self-worth. You may also find learning about codependency helpful to see if any of it fits you, there is a lot on youtube about it also.

[Thistooshallpass7 in reply to designguy]

Yes I do need to start loving and taking care of me. I don’t know how or where to start. if I start looking at videos I feel sad and cannot continue. Therapy didn’t really help.

[designguy in reply to Thistooshallpass7]

I went through a lot of therapists and different types of therapies until I found one to really help me. The other thing that helped was that I realized a good therapist can only provide the insight, information and tools but it was up to me to do the work and be willing to change in order to heal. You might check out the youtube of Emma at Therapy in a Nutshell to get started.

[Dot_]

I'm so sorry that your current partner would say such a thing. You deserve to be like the beautiful woman you are. I'm 26 and recently am out of a 3 year relationship. He loved me but I always knew I could've been loved and appreciated more. Now that I'm single I am feeling beautiful and sexy and appreciated for the 1st time in a long time. I understand what you mean by age and getting older. I know 26 isn't quite old, but it makes me feel like I'm already behind. I'm still searching for the right job, wanting to move out of state and be loved for who I am. Time is a tricky thing. But as I tell myself, one day at a time. Learn to love and appreciate the beautiful woman you are. Do things that make you feel good and proud of yourself. The rest will follow. Always easier said than done, but one day at a time

[Thistooshallpass7 in reply to Dot_]

I’m so happy you were able to find that. You certainly deserve it and yes do not worry you have time and the best is yet to come