I'm feeling really anxious today. There's this pit in my stomach and it just won't go away. And I'm frustrated because I don't know why. The ups and downs of depression are so infuriating and exhausting. Yesterday wasn't such a bad day then today has felt just awful for no reason. I have tried to "breathe" and I meditated but that didn't do much. I don't feel like doing anything but I am still trying to make myself. I took a walk and I worked out hoping that would help and it didn't. Listening to music or watching a movie or playing a game just doesn't feel enjoyable these days. It's like eating something without the taste. I just want it to stop and I want to understand it so I can make it stop. It's maddening feeling like you don't have control of your own mind. I try to make things better. I've been accused of wallowing in the past and that's just not true. I try, but I just can't seem to keep my grasp. Sometimes I just feel so defeated.