Looming regrets

[Riki_]

Happy holidays everyone, the year is coming to an end, and I can't shake off how much of a failure I acted this year. After being in an intense, abusive household for 6yrs and waited aging to an adult I only managed to quit two jobs shy off two months, failed to approve in my college class. Only managed to move out to a room alone in the same exact house. Spending my holidays outside alone grieving trauma and not being able to enjoy it because of how disturbed my parents left me behind.

[gajh]

I am sorry that you are suffering. I hope that 2024 will be a better year for you. Are you in therapy at all?

[Riki_ in reply to gajh]

Not really, no

[gajh in reply to Riki_]

Do you think that you could get into therapy? It really sounds like you would benefit from having someone to talk to.

[Riki_ in reply to gajh]

I can't afford therapy, I still need my savings to move out and for food

[gajh in reply to Riki_]

Well you can become more active here and start talking more to people who can relate to what you are going through. That might help you feel better.

[Riki_ in reply to gajh]

I tried to at least, but I don't want to digging up my wounds and problems for people that can't reciprocrate it isn't ideal because how sensitive I can be. No one's here to judge but I genuinely can give a small solution by internalizing all of it so that I can losetouch of the things that aren't going to affect me anymore. I've got to get out of those thoughts, but I want one person that is ready to talk to me once a day but I've got no luck with making bonds even outside of here, I'm unfortunately very faint of heart and can't really manage conversations

[gajh in reply to Riki_]

I am willing to talk to you if you want to give it a try and see how it goes.

[Riki_ in reply to gajh]

If you don't mind, I'll try to see if I can talk in direct messages while I'm starting my next semester at college

[gajh in reply to Riki_]

Yes you can direct message me anytime you like. No pressure. We can just see how it goes. If it is not helpful to you, we can stop talking.

[Riki_]

That's greatt, I'm agnostic but if you are in a comfortable place with good faith, try getting out of your brain and make your way out of dwelling. Ruminating is the only way for those thoughts to invade your life, reach out to people. I wasn't allowed to be depressed despite my trauma or mental health, I was overworking myself forced to please others/interrupted and held hostage by my family because living in a 3 room household, only now 6 years later I'm in my headspace. You're able to be in contact with people very reasonably, there's good help out there to keep you active and healthy on your journey. I have to do the same right now, but I genuinely have no close friends or people that know me personally.

[Riki_]

Regardless, I genuinely think there is a healthier life out here for you today, don't dwell on fear and start to take steps every day