I should be happy right now but I'm not

[ThousandLipstick27]

So I've struggled with major depressive disorder since 17 now I'm 28 yrs old. I've finally achieved getting my first apartment on my own. But in reality I'm a mess between my depression and my PTSD over flashbacks. I was previously married for 8 years to my ex husband. I cant stop going back to when we moved into our first apartment together. I don't have friends here and there's not many places to meet people except for the library or the bar. Honestly I just got out of bed it's 3pm I don't want to do anything or go anywhere but go back to sleep. I go to two different therapists weekly and I have a peer support who tries to help me as well. I'm not sure how to pull myself out of this I know my medicine is working because I'd be a million times worse if it wasn't. I think it's just being alone all the time, I'm in my head alot so many little things trigger my ptsd. Contemplating on getting a Esa dog or maybe a service dog because my ptsd is so bad but not this month maybe sometime next year, I feel like having a dog would help me because then it would rely on me and I'd be forced to get out of bed because it would depend on me.

[davidthecoder]

Hey ThousandLipstick!

Getting an ESA sounds like a great idea. Just having my cat around to pet reduces my anxiety probably more than anything else. I don't know why it has such a powerful, positive effect....but it does (atleast for me). Everytime I see my cat, I cheer up.

Also, congrats on getting your own apartment! I understand you are struggling, but it also sounds like you are doing a lot of good things to address it. I respect that.

[ThousandLipstick27 in reply to davidthecoder]

Thank you, I am trying my best to hang on. Pets are great

[Kitsune-Udon]

Hi,

Congratulations! What you did is something to be celebrated. It's easy to take the things we see as 'normal' or 'expected' for granted. Having a place to live is important. Doing so on your own can come with a lot of emotion but when you break it down, you did it for you. You made the choice to better a tough situation and you followed through.

As far as rumination in painful memories, I have found success with CBT/DBT and Mindfulness practices. There are a great set of tools to help with rumination within these systems. I use them daily myself. With practice, you can pull yourself out of the spiral and then eventually make that spiral shorter and shorter. For those who have life-long problems that will never go away completely, I believe having tools to help minimize the impact and move forward is key.

I know the feeling of not wanting to get out of bed. I've learned though, that a little self care goes a long way. I would get up and do something that I enjoy. You might try that too. Something I've learned is that the best time for self care is when I'm spiraling. If I can't meditate, then I will go do something fun that takes my mind away from rumination. I like to read or draw if I can't go for a run. Exercise is also helpful but not everyone finds it fun. It's still a solid choice but motivation is harder if you don't enjoy it.

[ThousandLipstick27 in reply to Kitsune-Udon]

Trust me i don't take my apartment for granted I'm very Greatful I have it I was homeless before this. I will look into cbt more maybe it might help

[Kitsune-Udon in reply to ThousandLipstick27]

My apologies. It certainly wasn't my intention to imply that you were taking it for granted. Just that it's easy to do and not realize it. That the stability you've gained is a huge win. I didn't communicate the thought properly. As someone who shares the fact of having been homeless and the struggle to get some stability, I only have respect for the fact you are where you are now.

A solid foundation for you to focus on you. Keep that momentum. Every step moves you forward.

[Midori]

Having an ESA dog may help, but it takes time to train them for what You need. They also need to train with you, so you would need to be up and out in order to do the training. Can't buy one off the shelf.

I don't know if you have had a dog before. it's not just feeding and walking them. They can also get into bad habits if allowed to get away with things, and start to display less than helpful attitudes and even antisocial habits.

You would have to think of your dog as a partner in your life, and normally they only have a working life of about 8 years.

Hope this is of some help.

Cheers, Midori

[catsrock]

Hi, I think getting an ESA dog is a wonderful idea. Also, there's lots of other places to meet people: on MeetUp, volunteering somewhere, adult sports leagues - sorry if you didn't want advice on that, I'm just hoping you can meet some other people soon.