Home might be triggering but i don't want to go back to university city, adulting, big city, agoraphobia, people, accommodation, chores

[Against_the_current]

Dad came from his work trip and asked when im going back and i was about to throw up. Mom's triggering but I'm scared to go back to my accommodation. I feel like it's so dirty there that i just want to set the place on fire. I don't want to go back and do chores and be alone or not be alone. People are scary, adulting is scary, big city is scary. Here i also do chores but it's easy because the apartment is bigger, flatmates don't complain when i vacuum, i have space to do laundry, i have supermarkets with various quality food nearby. How am i supposed to tell dad "nah, imma stay cause im terrified of the big city and the people there. Agoraphobia and social phobia make me want to throw up". I should probably just move out but it's hard. Last times i tried it was terrible. Maybe my sister is right and im inadequate. I feel inadequate. I know i sound like a crybaby, please don't judge.

I mean i will go back for classes or if i have to do something but i feel like if i travel in this heat, get to my terrible place, open the fridge with the food i left, thinking i was coming back in july, I'm gonna cry. I can't adult. I can't human. I can't be alone but i also can't go out.

My sister is loving my university city and being hostile towards me (not related to moving out, just she thinks im inadequate and annoying). I don't want to get sick again because my fridge has its own conscience rn. And my sister just thinks it's all fun there. First you have to do chores, second it's actually scary to go out

[hypercat54]

Adulting is far from easy but at least you take control over your own life to decide how you want to live and what you want to do. Taking total responsibility over your own life is hard but also very freeing and rewarding. It's the only way in life you can do what you want when you want.

The alternative is to stay at home being a child forever and subject to adults whims and having to put up with their lifestyle. In other words having no choice but to take what they dish out and live with it.

Pick your choice and go with it.

[Against_the_current in reply to hypercat54]

And also torturing myself seeing mom drink and be unstable. Today she cried. I panicked for four hours. You're right

[SoporRose]

Could your sister sub-let your accommodation for a while? You That would save you some miney and give a sense of what it's like to live in the city.

Why explain all that to your dad? What about leaving you accommodation and telling your dad that you're going to live with your mom to save money while you look for a safer place?

[SoporRose]

Also, you ARE an adult. Lots of people your age end up moving home for a while. Stay home if you feel safer there or go back if that seems better. The decision is yours and I know you can figure out what will be best for you.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Thanks. Today seeing mom drink and cry made me think maybe i need to move out. I don't want to go to my accommodation but I don't want to stay here. I will end up getting a tent and living outside. Jokes aside, i just went through hell

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

Camping: yuck. I have too many allergies to make camping sound fun, but the rest of my family likes it. At the end of the day, I need a hot shower to wash off the allergens, a bottle of antihistamines, and my box of Kleenex. 😉

It's rough to have to decide between the lesser of two evils. In one place, you have more independence and perhaps more mental room to figure out what being an adult means to you. In the other place, you have the company of people you love and can get your basic needs (food, water, time to do your chores on your own schedule) met, but have to deal with your mom. (I know your sister is obnoxious, but that's normal. Annoying, but normal.)

Here's a trick I learned from a friend. Get a coin. Toss it. Heads you stay put; tails you go back. See what the coin tells you to do and pay attention to the coins' "decision." Sometimes having a decision thrust upon you can help you understand what you really want. If the coin comes up heads and you feel relieved, then you should consider staying. But if the "decision" to stay makes you panic, then perhaps going back to the city iswhat you need to do. It might not help. But then again, it might.

A question: if you do go back to your accommodation and are miserable there, can you then move back to your mom's house?

[CLB1125]

It sounds like you need to sit down and make a decision one way or another and stick to it. You are trying to live your life pleasing everyone around you. You are an adult. Do you want to continue school? If not then then it’s time to say so. Maybe putting school on pause and finding a job until you’re ready might be the answer for you. If you don’t want to deal with mom’s drinking, then it’s time to find your own place. Wether it’s going back to your accommodations or getting your own place. Your sister sounds like a bully! Tune her out of your head. You have to decide what is right for your well being. Maybe having a small cozy apartment or even a room at a boarding house might be better for you. You can be in control of your life. Adulting is tough but there comes a time in all our lives when we have to do it. I suggest sitting down and make a list of all the things that would be good and bad for your mental wellbeing. Then make a decision what you need to do to make that happen. I’m not telling you what to do or judging you in any way. In the end everything is up to you!! Good luck girl!

[OtOFrance]

Hello Against_the_current I hope you are fine today,

If the relation with your mum and dad is complicated when you use speaking, it may help to write a word, writing exactly what you wrote us ("imma stay cause im terrified of the big city and the people there. Agoraphobia and social phobia make me want to throw up") as an "ice breaker ?

Adulting is difficult and it can be the cause to lots of baf being or bad feeling. Your dad and your mom both love you and their "duty" is to bring you to the adulthood in the best conditions.

Explaining them will not solve the problem, you will have to become an adult, this is part of living. Maybe there's a "middle of the road" solution between falling off of the nest and staying hidden within.

Why not, this is an example, a "every other week" with dad and mom ?

Let's try to be creative and find a solution that will fit to you and make you feel more comfortable and grow as you are made to grow !

Much love from France

O