These dogs are my only reasons right now.

[Jennblank7734]

Way too many mood swings today. It's like being on the rollercoaster to hell. My thoughts keep being invaded by what if....what if I lose Sammy and Genni. Knowing that I absolutely could not handle losing them right now. I waited and waited to get a dog because of this. I havent had a dog in over 15 years. The anger that flashes through me, the thoughts of what I'm going to do are feelings I've only had a few times and it didn't go well. It's difficult just to not start right now. If people are so fine with having what they force on me making me feel like this, why do I care if they suffer. I don't. I'm done. I'm so sick of people ******* me over. In only 2 weeksMy rent has went up 4 times. She's lying on some paperwork that I owe her 1100$. She asked for 60$ two nights ago for drugs and then kept it.

There's a lot more these are just the most recent things that involve money. I am only on disability. I don't make much. Since I've been here I've paid for extra things every month, from full utility bills to not be disconnected to things she wanted from Amazon but then said she needed my full rent instead of taking that out. I've paid fees, I've went without, I've not been able to take care of my own financial responsibilities. I'm tired of it. I have barely ever said anything about all the money she owes me due to I feel bad, I'm too nice, I was comfortable here.

I'm not sure what I'll do. I did let her know I will give her one more chance to give my money back. I am definitely not responsible for her drug problem.

I'm not in a good state of mind. She knows that. She knows she has pushed me here. I shouldn't have to ask someone to leave me alone over and over just to be taunted with my mental health is not their responsibility.

I'm waiting. I knows it going to happen. It's honestly feels a lot better to be filled with anger and thoughts of how good it would be to see her suffer some after what she's put me through that to sit here in utter defeat and a bottomless pit of sadness.

I'm on edge. I'm irritated. I feel impulsive. That's one of my most difficult symptoms to have control over, being impulsive. I don't know exactly know the way the brain executes actions that quickly, but I will snap and act faster than I have a chance to realize what's going on and stop myself.

It's takes a very lot to get me to this point. It's not something I've learned to master. The last time I found myself having these feelings I was I'm a coma from taking a bottle of muscle relaxers.

I dont want to be in my head right now. I told both of my friends I've mentioned I'm helping that I might be gone for a week or so. Earlier I was thinking of committing myself to get some help. I don't want to go to the hospital because these people won't stop. I will stay here and let her keep ******* with me. Ill let her push me until I snap. Then maybe a few people might think twice when someone is crying and repeatedly asking them to stop, they will. I know after so many school shootings started to happen the bullies started to think twice if they really were set on torturing some poor kid.

I dont know the proper way to deal with anger. I'm not on bipolar medication. I don't have anything for anxiety. I'm beyond triggered.

I'm tired of people. Good people still make me happy, I just can't find any these days.

It wasnt this bad until she started to lie. I can't stand liars. I mean really, I absolutely and most definitely can not stand sneaky liars. Probably the worst thing you can do in my opinion. I have forgave rape, beatings, being robbed for thousands of dollars, being abandoned in a hospital. The line gets crossed when people lie. If you're going to do something, have some balls and take responsibility. Don't be a liar.

Hopefully it will stay quiet. Hopefully I don't wake up to half a dozen emails from her. Hopefully I can talk to my psych tomorrow. Hopefully she takes the last chance I gave her and gives my money back. Hopefully all of these problems go away and we can all be happy in our own little world. Hopefully it's all resolved and we can tie a little bow on it.

[Marysblue]

I can relate to what you're saying, I'm having a tough time tonight myself. I've been hurt by a family members words to me tonight . Im hoping we do get the help we need. Life is a real struggle sometimes. It's good you have your dogs to enjoy. Take care.

[Jennblank7734 in reply to Marysblue]

Thank you very much. There are 5 little brother/sister puppies here as well. They are just over a month old. I was going to have one but decided not to. 5 minutes ago was the only time I've pet them. I don't want to get attached. They are soooo cute. It made my heart feel happy

[Marysblue in reply to Jennblank7734]

You deserve to be happy

[CLB1125]

hi I’m still kinda new here so I don’t really know your story but it sounds like you dealt with a lot in your life. I’m sorry for that. This landlord sounds like a real winner. I know you are struggling to keep going, that’s totally understandable but, look at the faces of those beautiful dogs. Humans are up and down in our lives, but dogs, they just love us, unconditionally. They don’t care if we brushed our hair or had a hissy fit in the front yard, they still love us. When things get to the breaking point, think of them. They need you. I hope you get the answers you need to take care of your landlord. Keep us posted! Take care

[Jennblank7734 in reply to CLB1125]

A Thank you for saying those things. They are my everything while I wait for someone. I waited more than 15 years to get a puppy. I am aware of how attached I get. I either already posted or I'm getting ready to post an update about my landlord. I can't wait until I tell her what's going on.

[CLB1125]

I will be sure to read it.

[CLB1125]

hey Jennblank7734, just checking on you, how are you doing?

[Jennblank7734 in reply to CLB1125]

Hi there =) I'm ok right now and I'm very thankful for that.

I had a long talk with Cindy. I wasn't planning on bringing this up until after I received some paperwork but it needed to be done. She had heard me on the phone and finally looked for herself at what her responsibilities are.

There was a lot of "I feel like" and "well I thought you meant". We had always been good about discussing problems before things got like this. I'm not sure what happened.

There are a lot of things that I'm not happy happened. I have decided to let them be in the past so I can focus on the future.

I do want to continue living here. There's lots of fenced in yard for my dogs, one of the reasons I did keep them. I have a very large room, maybe 2.5 rooms size, and I like that because of my dogs also. Everyone here suffers from mental and physical illnesses so I feel more understood. Tomorrow, 3 of us will sit, talk and come up with an agreement. We will start at a zero balance with her returning my money as the first transaction.

I'm not sure why she did a few of those things. I'm a bit disturbed still but as long as things are fair from here on out, I can let those go and move on.

Things were fantastic before this all happened. I had always been treated as part of the family. Plus u don't have to clean the kitchen which is a dream come true. Cindy is actually the one who came home one day and said she had a surprise for me and thats when I got my puppies. They pulled me out of a deep depression I was in after my mom told me to no longer contact her.

I do appreciate that even though things got very rough here, I was never told that I needed to move out.

I dont feel great about what went on but it is a situation that I can move past.

Thank you so much for checking on me. It means a lot.

[CLB1125 in reply to Jennblank7734]

So glad you got to work things out. Not everyone will let you have dogs, it sounds like it turns out well for you.

[Jennblank7734 in reply to CLB1125]

For sure about the dogs, especially two big dogs. I did do some research and that's when I decided to be clear about my want to fix things. I have plenty of privacy so it should work out. I totally love what you said about dogs. Thank you =)