Trying to find some meaning in my "Golden Years"

[MrBleak]

Every day is the same as the last. I sit in a 10 ft. room with my laptop and endlessly scroll out of boredom and ennui. Nothing it seems gives me any pleasure. I used to do oil paintings and have been told I'm very talented, but I don't have any motivation to anymore. I used to play music but I no longer have any interest in that either. I have no friends except my dear wife who is the only reason I am not suicidal. I find myself disgusted with life and it all seems pointless. Part of it is that I now suffer from mobility issues after a medical emergency 2 1/2 years ago. A trip to the grocery store leaves me exhausted. I have been on Effexor for several years which initially worked but no longer has any effect at all. Has anyone out there been in a similar situation and found a way to find some meaning in life? Right now I just find myself waiting for death.

[bonkers65]

I feel the same way. I'm 70 and feel like I'm just waiting to die. I have to force myself to do things and that helps some. Try forcing yourself to paint and play music again. Maybe that will help some.

[Hest19 in reply to bonkers65]

Connecting with nature in whatever form available helps me when I get down. Plants, animals, and finding ways to make stronger my spiritual connection in this great big world helps me see how I can be a part of whatever……whatever I choose to put effort into. Helping others (people or creatures or even plants) survive and navigate through his thing called life. I have been on Wellbutrin which did help me for a long time but like your story, it just seemed to quit working. Trying to find ways I can do little things for other people (or creatures!) helps keep me grounded. Life is a journey for all of us. There are rewards in finding small ways that I I can do for someone or something else, however small it might be. We’re all in that same line; please don’t be in a hurry. Wishing you the best!

[RandyM in reply to Hest19]

I am 79 years old and used to be talented in many crafts but not now. I identify with Mr Bleak in so many ways. I found something very manageable to do for a rewarding feeling. Raising Monarch Butterflies! They are becoming extinct so I help them on their migration journey to Mexico. They have a lot of preditors and dangers from caterpillars to butterflies. I raise them in mesh cages and release them when they "evolve". I agree with you Hest19. There are rewards in finding small ways to do things helpful.

Monarch Butterfly getting ready to migrate to Mexico!

[Hest19 in reply to RandyM]

Love them!

Monarch preparing for lift off 💗

[CLB1125 in reply to RandyM]

I love this!! I don’t know why but when I see a monarch butterfly it makes me think of my sister.

[RandyM in reply to CLB1125]

I wonder why as well. I feel a butterfly makes me think of rebirth and change. They arrive from an egg to a caterpillar, then emerge in all their newborn glory, and fly away gracefully with a new freedom! Wow!

Monarch emerging from their crysalis!

[Hest19 in reply to RandyM]

I so agree!

[CLB1125 in reply to Hest19]

I think at a point our bodies become immuned to certain drugs and need to be switched to different strain of drugs. I took zoloft for years along with Wellbutrin. It was giving me the same effect and was switched to fluvomine.

[gajh]

Welcome. Have you talked to your doctor about maybe trying to change your medication. Since the Effexor worked for you in the beginning maybe a new medication would work for you now. Could you share any activities like music with your wife to help get yourself motivated to do it? To have her support and encouragement instead of just trying to do it on your own. Hopefully being here connecting with others who understand will help you.

[Nothing_but_books]

I am in a somewhat similar situation. "Ennui" I don't know why I'm obsessing about your use of that word, but it grabbed me and held on.

I'm limited by pain from normal activities. The ones I do I pay for later. This laptop that allows me to communicate with you is my window.

Death is too far away. Pain and loneliness is my world.

[MrBleak in reply to Nothing_but_books]

There are many of us who feel that way. I'm encouraged by how many people on here took the time to respond to my post. I understand your pain and yes ennui. I'm trying to regain some sense of purpose in my life but it seems more difficult every day. At least posting on here for the first time makes me feel less alone.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to MrBleak]

The support we get and give here matters. It's something that doesn't happen elsewhere for many of us. I'm glad it's a comfort to you. Me too.

[CLB1125]

I can truly relate to your feelings. I have been felt that way since I closed my daycare because of bulging disks in my back, and couldn’t lift the kids anymore. I wish I had an answer for you. Have you tried journaling? Not so much a daily thing but maybe memories of your childhood or good times when you did fun things with your wife? Maybe offer to teach someone to paint or play music? I would love to learn to paint. I’ve tried and I suck at it. 🙄

[MrBleak in reply to CLB1125]

Memories of my childhood are memories that cause me intense pain. I do have fond memories of being a young man and miss the sense of hope and optimism for the future that I had. I attended art school and felt that I had finally found my calling. I had no idea of how difficult a journey being an artist would be. Unfortunately, I cannot teach someone to paint or play music simply because I have absolutely no social life, family or friends. I live in a city of 1/2 a million people and feel alone with my disability. Thank you for answering. It does make me feel like there are still some good people and empathy in the world.

[Wakeboarder24]

Sounds like the symptoms of depression.

[Sqlguy]

I am 76 and felt pretty much like you even though I have a part time job and am not totally socially isolated. No interst in anything, especially work. Used to read a lot; now nothing. Collected several different things; zilch. Now I dont know what type of relationship you have with your wife so I don't know how you will react to what I am going to tell you next, and I am divorced. What got me out if this funk a few weeks ago was finding a website which I dont think I can mention here that enabled me to start feeling like a sexual being again; it is not a dating or porn site but brought back a taste of the sexual excitement I used to feel 50 years ago. That is what kills us when we're old, the disappearance of that sexual fire. Just getting it back, even as a faint echo of what it used to be has given me more desire to live than I have had in years. So whatever you can do to start feeling like a sexual being again, do it. It is better than all the medicine in the world.

[MadBunny in reply to Sqlguy]

I know you are trying to help, but I find your reply inappropriate. If you want to discuss such matters, please use private messaging or discuss on the men's health site

[Dolphin14 in reply to MadBunny]

Men's health site a better option MadBunny

Agree

❤️🐬

[wittsend0]

Demonizing sexuality has sent many people down the rabbit hole. There was nothing inappropriate about the response. It was an offering of something that helped that person. One of my therapists used the phrase self-love and made a point of pointing out that the lack of that portion of life that is genetically encoded can be a sign of deep depression. And at that point in my life, she was dead on target with noting it to me.

[Dolphin14 in reply to wittsend0]

No one is demonizing. Simply suggesting this may not be the place to go into detail.

🐬

[MadBunny in reply to Dolphin14]

Agreed Dolphin. Thank you.

[hypercat54 in reply to wittsend0]

I agree with the others that this is not a suitable topic to be put on the main board. Don't forget this is a mixed site with more women than men and some of them very young.

This sort of thing should only be talked about in pm and kept between them.

One of the rules here is not to post anything which could cause alarm, embarrassment, or offence to any other member and this clearly falls into that category.

If you haven't already it is always a good idea to read the rules of the site and HU.

[Trainchaser]

I can so relate to your post. Some days I wish I would fall asleep and not get up.

[brendahol]

I have the same feelings. Maybe it is common as you get older? The kids have their own lives so you don’t see them that much. One day you wake up and it seems most everyone has passed on or too busy for you. I thank you for openly sharing how you feel and also others who have posted. I guess we are not alone in these feelings and others’ suggestions help.

[MrBleak in reply to brendahol]

Thanks for that Brendahol. We never had kids and the family that I have left are all thousands of miles away. Life gets pretty lonely especially being disabled and you feel left behind and erased. Just knowing there are other people in the same boat is helpful. No one ever said that growing old was going to be easy, but I just wish I didn't feel so unmotivated. Life just feels pointless without having some optimism about the future.

[CLB1125 in reply to MrBleak]

My mother was 90 when she passed and she would always say old age isn’t for sissies! She wouldn’t use a walker, that was for old people. Crazy lady!! 😂

[jackiesj]

Yes,,,agreed here also...i know of others bouncing around at this age and i am not for various reasons. I can be happy inside but the layers of the onion do show. fav saying..THIS TOO SHALL PASS.....that was hard when recently 3 weeks on ice pain not being able to move alot, thus sleep off, thus food off and texting for water and food.....Do not blame yourself. Im good at that.it adds to so much. Thoughts can spiral up or down..we are human...it is amazing trying to keep a plant alive next to me. meditation on Netflix called headspace has helped a bit. it is ok to feel....but a true friend and here are a great call. glad to chat when im plugged in,,,jj

[Midori]

Hi, Mr Bleak,

You sound terrifically depressed, with no feeling of incentive to go forward in life.

Let me tell you about me. I'm 75, 32 years widowed, and now disabled by several things. I can no longer drive (eyesight), I have extreme trouble walking and use a variety of aids, due to Fibromyalgia and Arthritis, and just plain getting old! I was until retirement, a Nurse, Therapeutic masseuse, Lecturer and examiner for First Aid at Work courses.

I used to be a very active person, Horseriding was my greatest passion, along with getting out in Nature, rock climbing, long walks, and many other cultural things, Dance, theatrical stuff, none of which I can now do.

I keep the interests alive however. Even if I can no longer Compete, I can still go to a Horse show, a friend will take me out to the Mountains, even though I can't climb now. I can go with someone for a drive, to see the countryside, or to shop, or just to go have a coffee and a cake, someplace.

Life doesn't end, just because you can't be as active as before, there are still ways to get out and see the world, be part of it all, again. Cutting yourself off and waiting for Death to call, is not the way to go; also what would your wife do without you?

I'm not the most sociable of people either, please see your doctor, medication may help to give you back some hope in life. There must be over 60's clubs who do outings, or get togethers for activities, there are in Britain.

If you live out in the wild in Canada, then maybe not, but there must be music nights, an Art Club. Nothing is holding you back other than you.

Cheers, Midori