I'm a 46 year old female single. I've lost a son while at work as a nurse. I suffer depression and anxiety attacks. I feel I wasn't there to save him from passing away I did everything including rehabilitation. I am blessed and have another son who currently is 23 but has left home at age 16. I am depressed I'm currently unemployed I left a good job to take care of my parents who are elderly. I feel worthless to my son because I am alone and cannot help him financially as I would give him half of my paycheck idw to see him struggle. I have nobody to talk with. I don't want to burden anybody with my problems. I think all the time as I also have insomnia. I'm lucky to get 3 hours sleep a night. My mind thinks and constantly worry. I don't have the gift of an outgoing personality. I don't know where to turn for help or advice. As when I try and talk with my mom she always digs in the past and puts me down. Yet the night I was at work she did not call 911 to help save my son or even took a minute to reach me at work I would of called 911. It bothers me to this day. I'm not sure of how to keep going in life. It's getting to a point to where I wear my heart on my sleeve and would help anybody. My mom seems to only know me when my brother who is older than me by 6 years isn't around. She puts me down on a daily basis. I have to get on my feet first my son's advice was to move but with my house being paid off I see no interest in paying rent. But at the same time with her living next door she at times doesn't allow men in the house or on her property so I'm feeling down as it is and I'm depressed with nobody to talk with. Any advice? As I can't be like this on a daily basis. I'm a great person and maybe somebody out there I'm praying for any help. I do see a counselor but have low self-esteem and feel as though my mom and brother do not want me in the house yet the family. I'm not sure where to turn. Please help.