Hello!

[trailmixup]

I am new to this and really don't know what to say. I hope I can find some other people out there who are experiencing the same struggles with anxiety and depression because I feel so alone and sad. I don't have any friends. And I honestly don't want any!!! People have let me down, taken advantage of me, or tend to remind me about how I'm no fun to be around. So I feel inadequate, ungrateful, and lost. Even when people are nice to me, I don't understand why. I don't really enjoy life. When I think about all the years ahead, I get major anxiety and feel overwhelmed because it's been really difficult to get up each day and go through the motions of whatever this life is supposed to be, and I'm not sure how much longer I can bury my feelings and pretend to be okay.

[GlowingDarkly]

Hi Trailmixup! Welcome to this community, I am happy you found your way here. There are so many people here who share in your struggles and can offer understanding and perhaps the odd piece of advice here and there!

Myself, I have spent a very, very long time burying and masking my anxiety and depression and only recently felt forced to confront a lot of what I have been running from my whole life. And even with that shift in my mindset about how I want to handle my problems, it’s not really an easy road ahead. So I empathize so much with becoming overwhelmed when I think about the future. So for right now I am just sticking to some short term goals and taking small steps towards forward.

I look forward to seeing you around! You’re not alone!

[trailmixup in reply to GlowingDarkly]

Thanks! Focusing on short term goals is crucial. I'm glad I can express myself here without feeling judged. I think we're programmed to "put on a happy face" and pretend everything is okay. Some people seem really good at this. I tend to be emotional and honest, which scares most people. Anyway, thanks for reminding me I'm not alone.

[Sandpiper14]

Hi there! We’re a good community here and you are safe to say how you feel. Many of us empathise with what you are going through as we are currently feeling the same way.

It’s a good outlet to just speak freely and have real people respond with the anonymity. Things feel a little less lonely❤️

[trailmixup in reply to Sandpiper14]

Hi! Thank you because I do feel less lonely this morning after seeing how quickly people replied with positive words of encouragement. I love the anonymity too!! I have tried therapy numerous times, and I didn't find it very helpful. Especially when I'm sitting there face-to-face with a stranger, trying to explain myself and I get all kinds of anxiety wondering if the therapist really cares or is just thinking about how annoying I am. Then eventually after a few sessions, I'll pour my heart out and start crying. Pretty soon the hour is up and I go back to my life feeling depleted and discouraged. I think therapy is terrifying for someone like me with social anxiety. I know it takes time but....I guess what I'm trying to say is how I feel accepted already after reading the posts from other people here 😄

[Sandpiper14 in reply to trailmixup]

I had my first therapy session the other day and I already cried. I found it a little disheartening when they said we had 10 minutes left, then you kind of think oh ok il stop crying now then ha! Next one on Monday so I’m hoping to hit the ground running.

Im glad you feel accepted because you are! Wishing you well and quick recovery from what you are experiencing!

[trailmixup in reply to Sandpiper14]

Thanks! I hope you find therapy helpful!

[LoveforAll41]

Welcome trailmixup. I hope that you don't have to seem to be doing okay and that you can talk about your feelings. I don't trust other people, or myself, with emotions and so keep them bottled up and I have my mental issues for that reason I suppose. I think it is good to be able to do an activity with people, a sport, or walks, or dinner club, get to know them and be comfortable sharing emotions or having real talk. This is a great place to get started. I wish you peace, hope, and strength❤️

[trailmixup in reply to LoveforAll41]

Thank you for the welcoming message! And I appreciate your kind wishes too. Peace, hope and strength are truly important. I think being able to express myself here will definitely help when I'm feeling really low and need some perspective, to realize I'm not alone.

[BlueAgave]

Welcome! I'm new here too and have felt very welcomed by others. We are all struggling in some way and this is a great place for support. Feel free to chat anytime and keep pressing on. You can get through these tough times. Just reach out.

[trailmixup in reply to BlueAgave]

Hi! Thanks for responding. I was having a rough time at work and came upon this site by chance, then started to have anxiety about what I posted. I'm surprised to see how I got replies right away. I am so glad to find other people with similar struggles. It's like this inner battle with myself because when I'm feeling better, I wonder if maybe I'm exaggerating the feelings of depression and isolation. But then I'll have a sudden meltdown and start crying in my car on the drive home from work. So I'm trying to be more accepting of my emotions. Yet I always feel guilty for not being cheerful. I need to get out of my own head and find healthy distractions, and I think this will be a safe place to start 🙂

[BlueAgave in reply to trailmixup]

Yes, we all need to get out of our own heads for sure, easier said than done. But we can keep working at it and have faith that at some point things will feel better. It's a tough world we live in and I'm happy to have people like you and others in this place to chat to!

[trailmixup]

Thanks! I am a huge cat lover too! 🐈

[trailmixup]

Thanks for sharing that link. Appreciate you reaching out and sharing how much prayer can be healing. Sometimes when I can't sleep, I will pray and it does provide peace.

[Scarlett28]

Hi welcome. It is as if you wrote my story. I’m so sorry you feel this way too, it’s awful. What makes it worse is that it’s invisible. I go through each day with my big smile and friendly behavior and come home and cry and isolate. I too have tried therapy a few times and feel the same as you. I’ve tried to talk to parents about it but they just get defensive and angry. I volunteer at an animal shelter once in awhile but I only connect to the animals (when they have some). I don’t connect with people and I’m pretty closed off to avoid more rejection or judgement. I’m glad you’re here.

[trailmixup]

I definitely understand how you said "it's invisible" because I feel that way all the time. What makes it worse is how some days I cannot put on the act of functionality, when I start crying at my desk at work then have to hide in the bathroom until I sort of "recover." I dread the "what's wrong?" comment because honestly there is nothing legitimately wrong going on. It's just my usual sad self coming out to ruin my day and I can't conceal it. So that's when the anxiety kicks in. Ugh, it's such a horrible cycle. And I totally know how you feel about trying to talk to your parents. It's the worst!!! My parents cannot handle any sort of emotion, and we never talk about it. I think my parents have their own mental issues, yet will never admit it because of the stupid stigma. I'm glad you're here too! It's easier to connect in writing sometimes.

[Kat63]

Same here.

When I’m in a bad spell of anxiety and/or depression, I try to remind myself of good parts of my life that happened in the past. I try to tell myself the wheel will turn and I’ll be back in a good place again. I can’t always convince myself it’s true.

Anyway, I’m glad we have this place where we can talk to other people who deal with the same thing.