Hello...

[Mommyoftwox0x]

I'm new to this group, just joined the website a few minutes ago. You dont have to read this or reply if you dont want to... I understand. I just feel like I need to vent on how I'm feeling and just hope somebody is hearing me. I'm 24 years old and a stay at home mother with two beautiful daughters. (3 year old & 1 month old) I've been with my husband for 8 years, we just got married last september. I just want to be happy.... be able to play with my kids without freaking out if she gets too loud. If my daughter gets too crazy and too loud it makes me feel like I cant hear my own thoughts and my anxiety comes on so fast. I feel like I cant breathe, I just constantly try and take those really deep breaths. I've been dealing with anxiety and major depression for about 8 years. I've tried 3 different medications, but I still dont feel like myself. And i hate going to the doctor for this... I feel like I'm complaining... I hate not having my shit together. I dont like people thinking I cant handle things on my own. By the way, I'm really sorry if I jump around a lot. I'm not a good speaker and so many things are running through my head at once. Me and my husband just bought a home in sorta country/rural area... I'm not used to it at all. I grew up on long island, ny. Now I'm upstate and feeling alone. I absolutely love what we have here... the acers... quads... target practice with our guns... we dont have to worry about anything, we can just enjoy our lives up here... I just wish I had my "city life" I grew up with and only know. We haven't been here a year yet, I'm having a hard time adjusting. I hate when my husband is at work... I just want him home with me all day, he helps keep me distracted from my anxiety and he tries to make me happy. I get anxiety when I leave the house on a hot day because I feel like I cant breathe with all the humidity... i literally tried to run away from my anxiety the other day... i swear I'm losing it. I'm on medicine for it and i still feel sad....anxious....and just over it all. I dont know what to do. Well.... thanks for listening if you made it though my little story. I really needed to just talk.

[Fearoffear]

Welcome Mommyoftwo. Wow a big move that's exciting and scary all at once. New place to explore with the girls and hubby. I can understand the heat and himidity as I am the same way. The screaming, I played a game as early as I could make them understand the indoor voice game. I still tell my 12 year old sometimes is that your indoor voice? Lol anyway I'm next door to you in PA and the wheather here was down right cold yesterday but is coming back up today, hopefully the worst temps and humidity are over for the season. If you need to just talk I am here and a lot of others also to just talk and listen. Oh and sorry you said you were on meds, are you getting some kind of therapy seems like cbt might do you some good. Gentle hugs and lots of giggles with you little munchkins! Have a good day!

[Mommyoftwox0x in reply to Fearoffear]

Thank you so much for responding, I didn't think anyone would. And yes yesterday was soo cool out... I loved it lol. Thanks again for all the sweet words! Enjoy your day!

[Starrlight]

Hi good to meet you! You sound like a beautiful person with a beautiful life. I relate to the anxiety and depression that can threaten the beauty. I am also a stay at home mom of three amazing boys, one grown and a 10 and 6 year old. I love my family so much and I try not to feel guilt since I do my best but anxiety takes joy from me and I worry about how it affects my kids. I know, I also hate that others possibly are thinking I can’t handle things on my own and so I try to do more than I should to make up for not feeling good enough but that is depression’s lies. But still I exhaust myself. Have you thought of talking to a therapist? Just a thought. Therapy hasn’t worked for me most of the time. What is helping me most now is exercise, deep breathing or mindfulness meditation and medication. What do you find that helps you the most? Is there anything new you are thinking about trying? Best to you 💕

[Want2BHappy3]

First Welcome, you can feel safe on this site knowing your not going to be Judged. I've been suffering off and on for about 36 years. The best tip I can give you and this is a hard one considering your situation, don't talk about your anxiety too much cause It will get old Real Quick to where they will get Very Frustrated with you.

I've read where couples have separated because of this. Keep trying different kinds of medications and doctors till you get the right fit? I use Mirtazapine it's been helping me. Don't apologize for anything. This is going to be the hardest thing you might have to deal with? Keep writing if you need to? Take care

[Rachel2535]

Mommyoftwoox0x - I dealt with depression for 25 years and totally get that feeling of not feeling yourself, almost lost inside yourself. It is such a difficult place to be in. Have you sought help from a counselor? I know it helped me a lot work through what it was I needed and was missing. Going from city to country will be really difficult especially if you feel isolated and you are a people person. Thank you for pouring it all out that is one of the best things that helped me heal. Keep talking...sometimes meds will just numb pain and not allow you to work out what needs to be felt to work out. A doctor can help you determine that. Praying for you. -Rachel.