Hi there!
My 8 year relationship just ended. He told me that he has been analyzing & internalizing our relationship lately. He feels like he’s at an impasse in life right now. He kept saying he doesn’t deserve me & his heart is not in our relationship.
Obviously my anxiety is at an all time high because I think about my future. He was supposed to be in it.
I’m 34 years & I can’t imagine being single now or opening my heart up again.
Please share your advice! Thank you!
I’m sorry to hear this. I hope you feel better soon.
I am so so sorry. That is such a painful place to be the loss of relationship. Sending you a big hug. When I was going through a tough time, similar to yours, I tried to plan things at the time of days that I had habitually talked to my partner, or that triggered me thinking about him. Sometimes it was just a walk. Sometimes I went outside and talk to a neighbor. This community is a great place for you to be. Reach out any and all times.. please feel free to private message me. It’s a roller coaster when you are grieving this kind of loss, allow yourself to feel your feelings.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. What we deal with on a daily basis is tough, especially when you don’t have it and don’t understand it. Nows the time to concentrate on self care. Be kind to yourself. Post here as often as you want to. We will support you.
It sounds like some kind of back handed B.S. to me.... they are just looking for the kinder gentler way out...if they want out....tell them to go. That would be showing consideration for you by not stringing you along. It's not sugar-coating the situation of a break-up to say he doesn't deserve you....your right he doesn't, because you deserve someone who wants to be with you.
I truly know how bad it hurts to be blindsided like that. But, believe me when I say, one day you will look back and breathe a sigh of relief. If he was ready to leave now, that would always be a possibility. The fact that this came as a decision on his part instead of a discussion shows that he was already done. The truth, however, is that if you let yourself mourn and then heal, you WILL be able to love again - and you will find someone much more deserving and better for you. I have been dumped like that, and cried for months. Then, I finally decided to look at it as an opportunity and got back out there. Yes, dating has its ups and downs, but at the age of 48 I finally met the love of my life and am now very happily married 8 years later. This is hands-down the BEST relationship I've ever had (and I have two ex husbands) and was worth waiting for.
Not easy what Kinlay says and the pain is large, but she is spot on in my opinion.
hang tough
very sorry
feel better soon
Thank you everyone! Your comments have been truly helpful. It’s just so fresh & so much to that in. I wish I could get over this pain.
Hi
I feel your pain. I’ve recently been through a breakup after 5 years together and I’m really struggling. It’s now been 5 months and yes it has got better but I do have bad days so don’t worry if you have some bad days it will get better. Try to do things that you like to do. If you start thinking about your ex bring your thoughts to something else that makes you happy. Message any time maybe we can both help each other. Take care
It is quite ok to have that feeling....I have it all the time....just work on you....and the rest will take care of itself
I’m sorry. It is never easy to lose our plan for the future. I know your feelings. I had been married for 9 years. And I got divorced because he was abusive. Even that I insisted on being with him, so as not to lose my future. I was 36. it’s okay to feel sad about ‘losing’ time or feeling fear about the future. I tried discover new ways to live and be, new things to do, activities, experiences, and events … I tried to restructure my life, after a longe depressed time.
Hi F1224.
It's always sad when a relationship ends regardless of who said or did what ever & 8 years is a good amount of time.
In life we will find those that can handle the lows as well as the highs that occur in every relationship, even those folks that don't have other issues to contend with. It's probable that he wasn't able to help U any longer as he wanted something else & possibly he made his excuses just to get out of your relationship.
Now I mean this in the best possible way & I do try to use the right words ( I'm a man so foot in mouth happens unfortunately ).
The way I see it being single isn't a burden at all if anything it gives U more space for U to look after urself & start the learning process of how to heal urself from within & it will help U become a stronger person & have a deeper understanding & relationship with urself.
None of this is going to be easy & here in HU there are plenty of wise folks that can help U but all the work comes from U & from within.
For me single life has given me the chance to learn about me & how to cope with all things that keep me in a happier place.
U may not want the single life & that's a choice U will make in time as only U truly know U, also if single U have time to concentrate on ur own happiness .
Lastly
I wish U love & light on ur journey
I've only been on here a short 3-4 weeks and its my first ever time sharing with any type of group and if I make a misstep, I sincerely hope I will be lovingly guided. I also am a man , but that is no excuse. We need to be extremely careful when giving others our insights. The other day and again here you have, in my humble opinion, put the proverbial foot in mouth. I looked back at some experiences you had about a year ago. I believe you are a man with excellent things to offer and say, but maybe try rereading your possible posts in a different manner to try and insure that your intended help , at that crucial point and time, is as kind as gentle as it can be. If it doesn't resonate that way with you, then maybe not hitting that blue reply button might be the way to go that particular time.
What we say is important, but also when it is said. Sometimes not speaking can be very powerful to the universe.
Definitely don't stop, just maybe change up your truth a bit
Much love DD
Craig
Cheers for that Craig as for changing up my truth I've been told it's very blunt.
What I wrote wasn't meant in a vicious or condescending manner in anyway shape or form but simply put that the only person who any of us can ever rely on is ourselves. We can write little lies in a post on here but we can't & shouldn't lie to ourselves & sometimes those we believe are our rock aren't as they can't & don't know how to handle or even help to reassure the one who is suffering. Also is it fair on the other person if they simply don't get it ? Like my ex wife, she couldn't hack it & left the kids with me & we've not looked back since.
No doubt someone else will take umbrage with this reply
I could be wrong. I probably am, but I I took your one observation on her relationship ending was possibly because of her and him not being able to handle something about her.
We all have to consider all sides of why things happen in this sometimes extremely difficult world of mixing personalities.
Was your observation meant to be vicious in any way. To me absolutely not, but…. was it necessary to point that out as a possibility when someone is suffering?
Maybe your right
I choose to comfort now and explore more in depth “reasons why?” later
The other day you started out with “ have you not read “. No ambiguity there. Too strong bud
Maybe chill a bit. Work on thyself
That’s what I’m going to do the rest of this gorgeous Texas day
Enjoy the rest of your day my friend
Ur mistaken Craig.
As its about him NOT wanting to be there for her .
Please accept my apology fine sir. I’m a protective sort. I will be more careful of that and how I express myself.
Please all forgive me
No need to apologise, as far as I'm concerned U did the right thing by asking me to clarify things, rather than just have an opinion about me & it be a wrong opinion.
It's all good bud.
Thank you for your kind words! It’s nice to know that people care!
I'm very sorry. Break-ups are really hard. Sending you big hugs.
I just don’t know how I’m going to get through this. I hate feeling anxious!
I just want to scream, throw up, yell at him. My mind is racing with all these damn thoughts. Like the hell am I going to get through this?
I didn’t write much in my first post up above. I’m going through something very similar and have the exact same feelings, even though I don’t feel like screaming or vomiting or really wanting to yell at anyone, I understand what it is you’re feeling right now, not because I’ve been there but because I’m there right now. what am I supposed to do with these thoughts how in the hell am I going to get through this. enough time has passed for me that I can’t believe I don’t feel like I’ve made any sort of progress. anxiety and depression and stress and grief. it’s supposed to get easier. I’m supposed to feel stronger. it isn’t. I don’t. Just keep going. whether it feels like it won’t ever get better or that it feels like it is getting worse. scream if you have to letting your emotions out will relieve the stress. at least long enough for you to breathe and blink a few times. there’s no way around feeling the way we do when we want the relationship to continue and the other one is making the decision to end it. it’s one of the worst feelings there is. it hurts. seriously it actually is painful. I totally understand what you’re going through and my heart really goes out to you. you are stronger than you realize. everyone is. It’s important to keep that in mind during these times. when you don’t feel it. sorry I don’t have any real solutions. I’m here so reach out if you feel the need to. what you’re enduring right now is very hard. try to not beat yourself up, be as kind as you can be to yourself. I wish I had the power to make it all stop.
I feel like he doesn’t care. How can you just give up. It makes me feel worthless. I hate feeling anxious!
He might not care about anything other than himself. it’s tough not to feel worthless too, it’s hard to get over those feelings especially when he just comes to you with the decision that he’s made all by himself. I’m sorry you’re going through this, do you have any friends or family that you can reach out to?
Yeah I have a good support system
wow that’s great news. Have they been able to give you any advice on what’s going on? you were obviously in love and are heartbroken, you sound like you were all in and had put all of your eggs in his basket as the saying goes. were there any signs he was going to end the relationship?
They think he doesn’t really know what he wants right now. It’s just all very confusing because he said he still cares & still has love for me but might not be in love. And I’m trying yo tell myself that it’s fair to me & the fact that he doesn’t even want to try. He has been more distant lately & I’m actually the one to bring that up. Then he dumped all this on me.
Today has been very up and down. I still cannot believe this is happening to me. I'm still confused and cannot imagine a life without him. I wish I knew the reason for this but I need to learn to accept this which is very difficult. It just came out of the blue. And I do feel guilty for some reason when I do feel okay - like I didn't care that much. I know I shouldn't feel this way but I do for some reason.
I has been so hard to not picture him in my future. I feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I am extremely exhausted and have no motivation right now to do anything. I want to text him and go back to him.
