Loving oneself.

[MiamiJacket84]

That's something I've had trouble with for years now. My mind was hard wired at a young age to be a perfectionist, to loathe myself for any mistakes, to see myself as the odd one out, the outcast, the one who isn't "normal". While now, at an older age, I see all that, it doesn't make it any easier to change.

Self love is a concept beyond my comprehension. I envy those who can do it. It feels like being a blind man around a crowd enjoying the beautiful fireworks, talking about it like it's such a simple thing and yet all you can hear is loud noise, unable to see what makes it so special. It's one of those things that just reinforce the idea that life just isn't for me. If I genuinely can't see what's so special about it, then why push myself to suffer meaninglessly?

Sometimes life just deals you a bad hand. Maybe you can win the game with it, maybe you can't. Sometimes however, it's just better to fold and save yourself the effort. Why do people demonize that though? I'm not saying ending one's life is a good thing, but it isn't this selfish act that should be such a stigma to even be mentioned. People in that dark place deserve compassion, not guilt tripping and anger.

I may not love myself, but I do see the good in people capable of living happy lives. I just wish they can see our point of view as well sometimes.

[Wakeboarder24]

Remember who will miss you if you end it early.

[MiamiJacket84 in reply to Wakeboarder24]

It is impossible to remember that which never existed to begin with.

[Wakeboarder24 in reply to MiamiJacket84]

There’s someone out there that would be devastated if you left. They may not show it.

[Starrlight]

i can relate in ways i have bipolar and i feel things intensely and i often dont want to live and i feel all those things you mention as it being ingrained into us at childhood. i believe you and i are meant to be here but i dont think we are bad for not wanting to be. life is so hard. it hurts but there is also much beauty ❤️love to you

[LoveforAll41]

I am sorry MiamiJacket that you have these feelings. I don't know that I love myself necessarily but I know that I have worth that is immutable. Nothing I do will add to or detract from it. I can't reason that out in my head all of the time, but it is something that rings true to my soul as an absolute truth. I have a post about it if you feel like reading it and the comments. I think that it is fine to not love yourself. It is also fine to feel like a loser and inadequete (heaven knows I do). That does not make anyone a loser or anyone worthless. I am still working on the acceptance part. Just the other day my wife was burned out and feeling "dead inside" and I felt hopeless cuz I can do work or childcare but not both. I just sat and felt hopeless for about 12 hours then suddenly felt better. Kind of like I had hit bottom and the only way to go is up. *shrugs* Sending love and hope Miami.

[Lizzo30]

Loving yourself how does that even work ?I accept myself and I am a good friend to myself that's enough I think

[LifeIsThePitts]

I'm just learning how to treat myself with the same compassion sympathy and empathy I can somehow show complete strangers but not myself. I can beat myself silly and expect the unachievable but I'd never ask that of someone else. It's really hard to love yourself when you don't really like yourself, Right??