Since about 2011 I’ve been fully responsible financially to take care of my husband and myself. My shoulders were never strong enough for this task. I had my own medical issues to battle.
Now I’m crumbling under the weight of the world while he sits in oblivion. I can’t breathe. From the moment I open my eyes I medicate myself and finish my day with taking as many swipes of the razor blade as I can.
Why won’t he open his eyes and see I need some help paying the rent and bills this month. It’s his turn to open his mouth and ask for help instead of making excuses for why he can’t.
My family is made up of DNA not blood. I have no one to turn to for help so each day is rinse and repeat and a new blade for those cuts. I’m not sure how much longer this house of cards will stand
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Imstruggling1
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See your Doctor as a case of urgency. You need more help.
You didn't say why you are carer for your husband, but his withdrawal seems like he is also having a depressive episode. 2011 seems a very long time with no help and virtually no response from your husband.
Cutting seems very common nowadays, I was never tempted to it as I had two children to look after and the kids pick up on what you do.
Do you want to tell us more of your problems with him?
I am under the care of a great psychiatrist and therapist but money is tight so I don’t get to speak to my therapist as often as I would like. From the moment my husband got sick there was always someone else there to take care of his responsibilities, whether it was me, his brother or his parents. He‘s too afraid now to do these things for himself. Both his parents are deceased. I have handled him with kid gloves for far too long and now when I need him to step up he’s too scared. I’m just as scared, of not having anywhere to live. I take a lot of medications and have been hospitalized in the past. It will always be a balancing act of tweaking my meds but I just have to stay on them. My depression started when I was 14 and cutting myself followed shortly thereafter but I wasn’t diagnosed with bipolar until about 2016/2017. That’s my story. Thanks for taking the time to read about me
You may have to bully your hubby a bit to get him to realise you can't do it all, and that it is time to step up and help you to help him . I think you may have babied him a little too much.
Could his brother help you to make it clear to him that you may not be able to shoulder the full weight of it all on your own, that you could lose your home, maybe? Perhaps it would be better coming from his brother rather than you. What is your husband capable of doing?
It's a difficult situation. If money is tight, this is why I'm grateful for the NHS. We don't have to mess around with the stuff you do. Ours is Free at the point of need; we pay in our taxes.
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