Introduction.. or something. - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support

60,566 members60,465 posts

Introduction.. or something.

Choose-A-Username profile image

Hello.. I joined this 5 minutes ago, as a promise to my partner to get some help. He lifted me off of the ground and told me he can't keep doing this.. my relationship rides on this.. which might sound horrible on his side but I understand it.. I've put him through so much and I'm shocked he's lasted the 2 years with me that he has. He's had so many chances to walk away from me and every time he's got close I've told him I'll get help and begged him to stay.

THIS TIME I am getting help, I saw the look in his eyes when he told me he didn't want to do this anymore and I realise I'm not just ruining my relationship. I'm ruining relationships with my friends, my family and myself.

I am diagnosed with depression and anxiety, I'm sure a lot of you know how awful it is to be battling both of them. One of them making you worry about everything and one of them telling you why worry when you can just give up.

I don't know what options I have in terms of getting help but I am open to any and all suggestions. For his sake, for our sake and for my sake. I am so desperate for help.

Nameless~

16 Replies

Firstly....well done for coming here..its not easy and be proud of yourself. I'm concerned and I'll tell you why. Don't do this for anyone but YOU!. And definitely don't do it out of desperation to keep a relationship. I know it's hard for the partner to cope when they are living with someone with anxiety and depression but it's more important you get well for you...so you love yourself. I had anxiety and depression for decades and I've been good now for over 10 years so I know how you feel. You've been diagnosed you said...do you take meds? It may be an idea to speak to the doctor if you don't feel you are getting better. I'm not by the way putting your partner down here. I was with my husband for 26 years and I know how he suffered. He tried and I shoved ppl away until he could do no more. I learned to do it for me. Not my husband...not my friends...nor my family(they will stay and support hopefully and if they don't...pish). You will do this and you will one day get better. I always say there's a light...bcas there is...its just finding it and we here are all like a little family..we support each other. So you are getting a form of help here..talking to others who know exactly where you are coming from helps don't you think?. If you know you are low...nudge one of us...if we can we will support you. You are relevant and you need to believe you are precious and deserve to be happy. You will get there. Janie

Thank you so much for your comment Janie, it means a lot to me. It's a problem for me to focus on doing this FOR me because all I do is beat myself down, i'm the person that kicks me when I'm down and I don't know how to stop that. I've been on medication in the past and it didn't help me much.. well It didn't feel like it helped me much. On one of the medications I was on I felt more suicidal than I normally do so I came straight off and told my doctor who then offered an higher dose, I declined and he did then offer another medication but I was so scared i'd feel like that again that I also declined that too.

I think I will go back to the doctors with the intent of feeling better on a day to day basis but I hope whatever help/medication I get this time will help me.

I hope I can learn the way you did to put myself first, I admire you a lot for being able to help yourself for YOU and not for anybody else.

~

You will get there and yes I get it more than you know that you simply can't put yourself first...its one of the nasties isn't it of anxiety and depression. I picked up different coping mechanisms over the years that eventually worked in my recovery and you will also. There's no time limit here...its a rollercoaster of emotions...more downs than ups but willing yourself to keep going. You ever need a shoulder?...please chat away. It's great therapy. Take care. Janie

Hi good to meet you. Well the obvious answer to your question is to seek medical help. Are you doing this? if not this is your first port of call. Meds and/or counselling should be able to help you. x

I am going to the doctors tomorrow. I have in the past seen doctors and had counselling but I've procrastinated going back and getting some help, thinking that I was doing okay when I clearly wasn't. Thank you for your response, any reply is helpful to me right now <3

~

Hi you need to take meds for at least 4-6 weeks for them to fully get into your system. Until then it is common to feel worse so have patience with them and give them time to help.

Counselling is the main way forward for you though and again it's not usually a short term fix. There are obviously issues you need to work through so you need to persevere with this. x

I was on some, but after about a month and a half I wasn't feeling any better, my thoughts of self harming became louder so I did stop those, I know which medicine to say no to when I visit the doctor tomorrow at least but I know I have other options.

I do hope for counselling, very nervous about it but I know I need to talk.

~

in reply to Choose-A-Username

Hiya, sorry to hear about your difficulties. As others have suggested, these things take time and persistence to heal, and having the patience to stick with it is hard when you are depressed. Getting the right medication, or combination of medicines and the correct dose for you is a case of trial and error and may need referral to a consultant, as many GPs don't have the time/expertise. The same with counselling - there are many different approaches and some counsellors are better than others. The good news is that with patience and persistence and adopting a whole life approach, reflecting on everything about your life, (diet, exercise, work, relationships, social life, goals, hopes, concerns) and focusing on what you want and what makes you happy and content, things can get better. Be kind to yourself and give yourself space and take care,

User1964 profile image
User1964 in reply to

I agree with Sebastian58 regarding general practitioners. I would definitely get a referral for a psychiatrist--someone in the field that can properly assess your symptoms. Even then, it's kind of a trial and error with meds, but at least you'll have a doctor that specializes in mental health. :)

in reply to Choose-A-Username

Whatever you do DO NOT mention self-harm. That is a trigger for them to Baker Act (state of FL) your butt to the mental ward. And they will do so believe me; been dere done dat. Just some warning advice to avoid an unpleasant situation.

Have you tried out patient therapy. I went to psychiatric hospital voluntarily to learn coping skills and basically how to get happy about life again. I didn't tell my job. I simply requested a couple days off. My insurance approved several days but I did about four days. I went daily from 8-3 or 3:30. We did group exercises a lot of individuals who had actually stayed in the hospital were doing coloring filling in pages of designs with colored markers apparently there is something very therapeutic about coloring. I learned breathing technique to utilize when angry to help calm me down. You can also talk to psychiatrist during the sessions. We did outside meditation in a controlled private setting. I benefited from going.

Well done for joining, this is a supportive group, we share ideas , good practise, crap dats and good days , think about you, your needs, write stuff down, walk, don’t be hasty, ask for help, , happy to talk anytime. I am in uk. X

But as you can see spelling not good! Xxx

Wow - as I read your post I thought I was reading my own words from 25 years ago. My boyfriend at the time said “I love you but I can’t be with you if you’re like this - you need to seek professional therapy.” I knew he was right. The thought of losing the only thing I cared anything about - this man - was the motivation I needed to actually make that call. He wanted to help me so much, but he knew he couldn’t (I was a hot mess of emotions) and the look in his eyes, the tone of his voice, let me know that he was genuinely concerned. I think whatever motivates you to seek help for your pain is a blessing.

Hi, I hesitate to write this but I'm going to. Well, why hesitate? See? This is part of MY problem, feeling inadequate. Well, I'm in alcohol/psychiatric outpatient treatment right now. I drank a lot for the last 38 years. Just about ruined my life. If you seek treatment with meds, please be careful with alcohol. Your meds won't work as intended. I hope whatever you do to help the anxiety and depression works for you. Remember, it takes a little bit of time to feel better. I wish you and your partner the best :) Do this for YOU. <3

Since he's been by your side this long speaks volumes about him. However one does reach one's breaking point, when it becomes time to just walk away. Thank goodness you found us. Realize that you are anonymous and can tell us as much or as little as you please; in this case more is better. While we are certainly your internet friends and have been through the wringer with the same symptoms as yours, and worse, we cannot replace a therapist. However if you tell us what meds you take we can tell you our experiences and advice for what it's worth. There are absolutely some meds you should stay away from and others that are rather spot on. For your sake, for your partner's sake, see a therapist at the very least. My personal favorite for anxiety is Xanax; just my two cent's worth. But do your own research; I find that researching an item interesting and self-distracting on it's own. Stay with us m'lady. You are valuable. You are wanted.

You may also like...